The purge begins

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Home stretch

Barack Obama walked into the room, looking left, then right, then straight ahead.

“Over here, sir,” said the security agent.

Obama looked nervously to each side again, then proceeded in the direction the man indicated.

Taking his seat, he shuffled the papers in front of him as those standing around the table slowly took their seats.

“What’s first?” Obama asked.

“Well, sir, the push in these next few days will be the opinion of the world,” said the man on his left.

“The world? You mean this planet?” Obama asked.

“World opinion, sir. We want to show how much world opinion matters,” the man said.

“Yeah, that’d be a great idea,” Obama said. “Uh-oh. Do we know how the world feels? I mean, have we sent anyone there to find out? And how long would a trip there take? Can we get the information back in time?”

The man paused, his mouth going dry. He licked his lips. “Uh, yes, sir, we’ve already received the results. And the world loves you, sir.”

“Oh, goodie! I’d like to go there one day. To they speak English there? On TV, all the planets speak English. But I don’t know if I can believe everything I see on TV,” Obama said. “Except for infomercials. They’re great. I want a Bowflex. Oh, and one of those Inside-the-Egg Scramblers. Kwanzaa is coming up, you know!”

“Yes, sir. But if we can get back to the polls…”

“Why do we care what the Poles think? Aren’t they stupid? I saw that on TVLand. Archie called Mike a “dumb Polack” and everybody laughed,” Obama said.

“No, sir, we’re talking about opinion polls. The world wants you to be elected president,” the man said.

“Okay, then tell them they’ve got to vote on Tuesday. Tell them I need their support.”

“Um, sir, people from other countries don’t vote in the U.S elections.”

“Well, why not?” Obama asked. “Do you mean that the French, the Italians, the Iranians, the Canadians, the Russians, the Chinamen, the Koreans, the British, the English, the Anglos, none of them get to vote? That’s not fair!”

“Well, we do have several voting in Ohio, so that helps a little,” the man offered.

“Okay then. So, the plan is to tell America that we’ve got foreigners voting for me in the election and they need to vote for me too?” Obama asked. “I like that.”

“Oh, no. No, sir. We don’t mention that to anyone. It’s … um … it’s a secret, sir.”

“Ah. I see. Spies,” Obama said. “Where from? Germany? Lapland? Moldavia? Seton Hall?”

“Um, sure. Anyway, we want to tell America that we can return America to its days of prestige and leadership by electing you,” the man explained.

“Oh, okay. Right. I get it,” said Obama. “We show our leadership by doing what everyone else does. That’s brilliant!”

“Um, yes, sir.”

Obama thought for a minute. “What about Iraq? Can we talk about how bad it is that we went into Iraq?”

“Oh, of course, sir.” The man added, “Iraq is one of our strongest issues. We need to keep hitting about how terrible going into Iraq was. And that we need to get out as soon as possible. Immediately. Or sooner.”

“Yeah,” Obama said. “I bet the Iraq people want me to be president, don’t they?”

The man stuttered, “Uh, uh, we… um, uh, well, um, actually, more Iraqis support McCain.”

“Maybe I need to go to Iraqiland and campaign there,” Obama offered. “I’m sure we could convince them that it’d be better if I won. And call them racist if they don’t support me. That works here. It’d work in Iraqiland, wouldn’t it?”

“Actually, sir, it’s better to just call it ‘Iraq.’ And we probably don’t want to bring up how the Iraqi people really feel. We just need to say we need to leave Iraq,” the man said.

“I got an idea,” Obama said. “Let’s tell them that we’ll not only leave Iraq, but we’ll put it back like we found it. Do we know who was president in Iraq before Bush attacked them? We could find him and put him back in charge. The Iraqis would love that, I’m sure. That way, it’d be just like we never attacked them.”

The man paused for a second before responding. “Let’s just leave that part out, sir.”

“Well, okay,” Obama said. “You know best.”

“Good. Thank you, sir. Time to get back on the campaign trail. You and Michelle have an appearance tonight in Iowa.”

Obama shuddered for a second. “She scares me.”

“Me, too,” the man said. “Me, too.”

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The Fairness Doctrine

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) has, for the most part, supported many of the policies of President Bush. Not all the time, but most of the time.

The Obama campaign has used this against McCain in the election. And that’s fair. It’s not as it’s being presented, but still, McCain’s support of many of the President’s policies is a fair issue.

So let’s talk fair.

You’ve heard of the “Fairness Doctrine,” I’m sure. It was generally applied by the “Equal Time” rule, though that in and of itself was not the “Fairness Doctrine.”

However, the “Equal Time” rule that many broadcasters applied was generally good enough to meet FCC policies (the “Fairness Doctrine”). Heck, I even used it once to ask for — and receive — equal time to respond to an editorial on my hometown radio station back in the 1970s.

Either way, it meant that if you presented one side of a controversial argument, you had an obligation to present the other side. Not equal time, but an opposing view nonetheless.

Many on the left want to bring the Fairness Doctrine back. But whether or not it’s brought back isn’t actually the topic.

It’s the general idea of fairness.

Like I said, McCain’s support of the policies of Bush is a fair issue. My own take is that, if George W. Bush and John S. McCain agree on something, it’s probably a good thing. But that’s just me.

Let’s consider what else is fair.

How about … the policies of Barack Obama?

Since he has such a short resum√©, you don’t have as much to look at. So, when you look at what’s there, you better look close.

And that’s why Obama’s votes to raise taxes on those making $42K a year is important. It’s not what he’s preaching right now, but it’s what he’s done. I choose to believe what a man has done more that what he says. His votes to raise taxes are fair game.

And, because his record is so small, you have to look closely at all kinds of things to figure out just who this guy is.

As for McCain, I have a friend that used to live in Arizona. She says that well before he came into the national spotlight, he was just like he is today. Like him or hate him, he’s honest and is straight with you, not telling you what he thinks you want to hear, but what he thinks you need to hear.

Obama? He’s saying things that don’t match up to his record.

He’s denied a relationship with Bill Ayers, but that doesn’t match the facts. And that question is fair.

Obama says he doesn’t want to raise your taxes, but he wants to eliminate the Bush tax cuts that will … get this … have the effect of raising your taxes. And that’s a fair topic.

Obama wants to “spread the wealth around” … and that’s socialism, plain and simple. And that’s a fair topic for discussion.

Obama has called the U. S. Constitution a “fundamentally flawed” document. Not a document that contains flaws that can be corrected by amendments, but “fundamentally flawed.” His statements are a fair topic for discussion.

I could go on and on. And probably will. Just not right now.

If anyone wants to institute a “fairness doctrine,” it should begin with a fair look at Barack Obama.

Anyone American who takes a fair look at Barack Obama will be appalled by what he sees.

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The Economist endorsed Obama, but it doesn’t have a huge history of liberal endorsements. Actually, from its list of endorsements going back to 1980, the only pattern I see is that it doesn’t like incumbents or the incumbent party. No commentary; just thought it was interesting to have a source that’s not a reliable endorsement for either party.

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Here’s a list of the top 25 innovations of mankind throughout history, and I think it’s a pretty decent list. I have a few disputes though. One: Clicky pens didn’t make the list. Two: I dispute whether evolution should have made the list. It’s a real smartee theory, but you can’t really like do anything with it. It’s a useful heuristic (“Why do people laugh? There must be an evolutionary purpose!”), but it’s really more of a narrative than something directly useful. Then again, the list paired it up with natural selection, which is a more directly useful concept (it’s why liberals should be hobos).

I wonder what innovations we could have in the future that will supplant those on this list? I’m sure in the future when people have flying cars, triangular TVs, and socks with lights on them they’ll be like, “I don’t know how we could have every lived with out our tachyon particle destablizers. To think anyone could compare that to steam power.” And I’d be like, “Shut up, you stupid dumb person! Without steam power, how would people have gotten down the Mississippi River? I should kill you for your insolence! Activate robo-punch!” By the way, in the future I’m unquestioned ruler of everything and have a robot body.

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It Takes a Village

I think the lesson here is that if you don’t teach your children respect for other people’s property, the electrical engineer next door will do it with electricity.

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IMAO Exclusive: What’s on the Tape


I’ve talked to numerous people who were either at Rashid Khalidi’s party in 2003 or have seen the video the L.A. Times is suppressing, and here is what they say occurred there. Now, I don’t completely trust my sources, so I rate each of these of having a 65% chance of being accurate.


* Obama pounded his table while chanting, “PLO! PLO!”

* At one point Obama said, “I like the Palestinians because they’re Muslim, just like me!”

* Obama repeatedly hugged William Ayers while exclaiming, “You’re my BFF!”

* When one attendee shouted, “Death to Israel!” Obama added, “Because it’s full of joooooos!”

* When Rashid Khalidi urged more bombing attacks on Israel, William Ayers said, “Bombing America is great too.” To which Obama said, “It’s awesome! Tell me again about how you bombed stuff, Bill. I love those stories which you have told me repeatedly and made me fully aware of through out our long, close relationship.”

* At one point, Obama became annoyed with all the negative things said about Israel and shouts, “Enough about that stupid state that will soon be wiped off the map! Let’s talk about about how we love Communism!”

* Ayers describes his plan to round up capitalist Americans into camps and kill 25 million of them while Obama muses whether that can be paid for by just raising taxes on the rich.

* Eventually the whole thing breaks down into a gay orgy between Obama and terrorists.

Again, my guess is a number of these won’t pan out when we finally see the tape, but I’m quite sure most are accurate.

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It’s Li’l Obama!

From Jim Treacher and cartoonist Batton Lash. Check it out.

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If He’s Not a Hypocrite

McCain has had like $85 million this election to spend while Barack Obama has had over $600 million. Isn’t that unfair? Shouldn’t Obama be spreading the wealth around? I want my McCain and Palin variety half-hour!

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If you’re in the middle of a war and trying to make sure someone claiming to be an American really is an American and not foreign spy, asking him who won the World Series is no longer considered a fair question.

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Please Inform Blogger

I got the new Guitar Hero and watched Pushing Daisies on ABC (the only network not carrying the Obama infomercial), so did anything interesting happen in the Obama Variety Show I should know about?

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Business model

Hey, I got a great idea for a business model.

Here’s the deal…

  1. All sales personnel will pool their sales … and all bonuses from goals exceeded … into a common pool. This pool will be divided equally between all employees: sales, administrative, maintenance, security, IT, and retirees. This will allow the company to spread the wealth around to all under-achievers.
  2. All lower level wage-earners will pool their wages, including overtime, into the common pool. It will also be divided equally among all employees. This will help those who don’t work overtime to reap the rewards from those who do.
  3. Management will not participate in the pooling of income. Management simply makes and enforces the rules; management does not follow the rules.
  4. To compensate for this, management will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard “for the good of all.”
  5. Employees should be thrilled with these new policies because it’s “good to spread the wealth around.” Those who have underachieved will finally be rewarded; those who have worked hard and had success will feel more “patriotic,” if you will, by knowing that others are benefiting from their hard work.

Okay, this is not an original thought on my part. I stole it from somewhere else. But it’s okay; I’m just spreading the humor around.

Anyway, I don’t see a flaw in this plan. In fact, I’m thinking this could work on a national level.

Any other ideas to improve or expand this plan?

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Why you should vote for Obama

Still undecided?

Or perhaps are leaning towards voting for McCain-Palin?

This ought to change your mind. Here’s a laundry list of why you should be voting for Barack Obama:

Now who can argue with that?!

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Fred Thompson, RNC Chair

There’s some talk about making Fred Thompson the RNC Chair. Here’s what I think:

Best idea ever!

Then whenever we have someone wanting to run for office as a Republican, he’d have to go meet with Fred Thompson. And Fred Thompson would ask him, “Are you a true conservative?”

And the guy would squeak, “Yes.”

And Fred Thompson would say, “Really?” And then he’d stare at the guy with his steely gaze.

And the guy would be like, “Aieeee!” because his face started to melt.

And everyone in the room would be like, “Wow! You killed Hagel!”

And Fred Thompson would snarl, “He killed himself.” And then he’d put his feet up on his desk and relax like nothing had happened — because he’s awesome.

You see, Fred Thompson gaze will melt the face of anyone who isn’t a true conservative. Something to keep in mind if you ever get to meet him in person.

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New Ad Idea for McCain

Since we’re getting near the end, here’s a nice powerful ad idea for McCain for the final week:

MCCAIN: I was held prisoner by the North Vietnamese for five and half years. They tortured me, beat me, spat upon me, but you know the one thing I remember most about my captors? How much their economic philosophy resembles Obama’s.

ANNOUNCER: Barack Obama: [bleep]ing Commie

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