The fate of our democracy and thus the entire world rests on Palin’s debate performance tonight, so I thought I better give her some advice to help out since I like this country.
FRANK DEBATE ADVICE FOR PALIN
* Bring your moose gun as a prop. Democrats are sissies, so they are intimidated by guns. Especially if you point them at them.
* A lot of people are worried about Biden being condescending to you, but really you should be extremely condescending towards him. The guy’s first reaction to 9/11 was to cut a check for $200 million to Iran; treat the guy like the imbecile he is.
* The VP debate is all about being on the attack. The main target is Obama, but don’t be afraid to go after Biden or even the moderator if you feel she is being unfair. If she asks a question that seems like an unfair gotcha, say, “Instead of answering your Obama slut question, I am going to talk about…” and then continue on about whatever subject you like.
* Remember: Just like it’s okay call people of your own race ethnic slurs, it’s okay for you to call Ifill “bitch”, “skanky whore”, and other things.
* Every time Biden makes a gaffe, turn to him and ask, “Are you stupid or something?” And don’t leave it as a rhetorical question; make him answer it. Then by the end of the night everyone will be saying to themselves, “Why is Biden always denying being stupid?”
* Good line: “Maybe we should repurpose that $700 billion towards making you not so stupid and ugly.”
* Your advantage over Washington insiders is that you talk like a real person. Make sure to you that. If Biden says something that isn’t true, don’t just say, “I believe Biden isn’t telling you the whole truth.” Instead, turn to him and shout, “You lying sack of @#$%!” just like a normal person would. Similarly, if he repeats a lie, tell him, “If you say that one more time, I will @#$%ing kill you.”
* Constantly confuse Obama’s name with Osama’s. When you get called on it, say, “Sorry, but they’re easy to mix up since they’re both friends with terrorists, both want America to lose in Iraq, and are both secretly Muslim.” When Biden responds, “Obama isn’t secretly Muslim!” answer with, “So you admit he’s openly a Muslim?” Ha! Fell right for that!
* Don’t only confuse Obama’s name with Osama’s; sometimes confuse his name with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Ahmadinejad for variety. Also, sometimes call him Barry.
* If you’re ever stumped by a question, stall by turning to Biden and saying, “Your head reminds me of a Cabbage Patch doll’s.”
* No matter what the questions are, try to get Biden to name one thing that distinguishes Obama from any mediocre legislator. He can’t! No one can!
Democrats are sissies? Well, my H&K and I would take issue with that statement.
OK we will amend that, “Democrats are not sissies, They are freeloaders!!! Now is that better for you??!!!!
“Leech” works, too.
BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE FOR SARAH PALIN: Ignore every bit of coaching and advice from the McCain campaign!
I don’t have any advice for Palin. She’s in favor of the bailout.
Obama slut advise… LMAO!!!
* If you’re ever stumped by a question, stall by turning to Biden and saying, “Your head reminds me of a Cabbage Patch doll’s.”
That is one ugly doll.
I would pay a lot of money to see this.
I would also advise her to fire a shot at the ceiling randomly throughout the debate. Then, when Biden has finished crying and Ifill has finished making love to a picture of The One, she can say, “Sorry – I thought there were terrorists on the roof” or “that cameraman looked like he was wearing one of those goofy Islamic headscarves that make you a terrorist”.
Sarah,
Read this letter Pat Buchanan wrote to you: http://buchanan.org/blog/2008/10/an-open-letter-to-sarah-palin/
Seriously.
That Buchanan thing is funny. He almost has some good points in the beginning but then he lets his craziness shine.
quote
Putin balks at Poland hosting our antimissile systems for the same reason we would bristle at Cuba or Mexico receiving Chinese antitank missiles.
Anybody wanna bet me that Cuba and Mexico don’t already have Russian anti-tank rockets? If Mexico is short, they can just get a few from Castro’s buddy in Venezuala.
And like any good loon, there’s still more!
When the Jewish state was founded, tens of thousands of Palestinians—Christians as well as Muslims—lost their homes
Yup, them dastardly Jews took their homes. Oh wait, they left them voluntarily because the Arab gov’ts attacking told them to leave so only Jews would be around to be killed and then, after all the Jews were dead and raped (possibly in that order), they could move back in. Only the darn Jews keep not being dead so the ‘Palestinians’ (formerly Jordanians and Egyptians) can’t move back just yet.
And yet still more!!
While your minders probably don’t put much stock in his work, University of Chicago political scientist Robert Pape has shown that suicide terrorism develops almost always among occupied peoples.
Yeah, that’s why there are so many Lebanese suicide bombers blowing themselves up in Syria and why there were so many Dutch suicide bombers blowing themselves up in Germany and why there are so many American suicide bombers in Berkely.
Idiot.
No doubt you’ve been told (again and again) that Iran wants to “wipe Israel off the map.”
Yeah, by the president of Iran.
Then, he says good things about Ron Paul. I could mine that open letter for weeks making myself laugh.
Thanks mykidsmommy for keeping to the humor agenda on this blog. When I first saw your comment I thought you were serious.
Spot on, Veeshir. Who was it that used to call people like Buchanan full of “crackerbarrel wisdom?”
an alternative to pointing out what a moron Joe is would be to say something like; “Ok i get it Barry really did pick you to make certain he wouldnt be assassinated”.
Dear Sarah P:
It is always better to BE STUMPED than to BE a STUMP (such as Biden).
Be yourself! You have raised 5 children; Biden is nothing after that. (‘Course, he was nothing before that, too.)
Talk slowly and deliberately. Apparently half of the audience will be BI-BO supporters who, like Biden, have trouble grasping everything from common sense to Constitutional rights.
Wear your service star pin. Keep ’em guessing what it’s for.
Smile now and then. Libs are never happy and rarely smile (i.e., Nancy Pelosi); it will throw them off.
You go, girl.
Best advice to sarah: quit now and maybe people will stop laughing at you eventually.
Oh,Davey Wavey that’s just what you want her to do, cause your scared out of that small pea-brained head of yours that’s she is going to cream Joe Biden!!! Go Sarah Go!!!!
DaveyWavey:
Palin!
Palin!
Palin!
Just wanted to see your eyes roll, your nose snort, and your BO-ears spout steam. Bwa-ha-ha!
Davey Wavey?!? That’s like way Gaey Wavey, Davey! Bet you’ve enjoyed all the coverage that Barney Frank has received lately! Yum, hey Wavey, Gaey, Davey?
I’m not sure what Palin can do but things look terrible on Real Clear Politics and elsewhere. Either Palin is bringing down the ticket or she just wasn’t interesting enough to make people want the GOP to win.
shutup ussjimmycarter. All you people know how to do is make fun of people. That’s not a good strategy to use if you not smarter than someone. You are not smarter than me so making fun of me or my name will not work. My friends call me that and I like being called DaveyWavey. I know in my heart that Sarah Palin is not smart and she cannot handle the national stage. She is not right for president. This is not a partisan thing. I would say the same thing if a democrat were nearly as stupid as Palin.
DaveyWavey wikes Bawney Fwank. WEAVE HIM AWOOOOOOOOOOONE!
#19 – there already is a Jimmy here (me) who uses a real gravatar. And I have no clue what you’re trying to say. However, select another name, please, or call yourself Jimmy#2 or something.
Oh, Daveywavey, stand by to have your head ripped off and shoved up your azz.
I’m not sure what Palin can do but things look terrible on Real Clear Politics and elsewhere. Either Palin is bringing down the ticket or she just wasn’t interesting enough to make people want the GOP to win.
My opinion – two other things:
– The McCain campaign hasn’t hit back anywhere near as hard as they should have against the smears. They’ve bashed the NYT and put up a rebuttal webpage, but sometimes I get the impression they really have no clue of the extent and aggressiveness of the attempt to destroy her.
– The whole financial mess hasn’t helped in all this.
My advice, no matter how cr**py things might seem occasionally, remember Democrats desperately want you to quit – a point that they constantly seem intent on reminding us. Take heart in that.
Also, if you don’t know the answer to something, don’t bullsh*t or try to dodge, just emphasize that you aren’t a political junkie, but have a great record in office so far.
My advice to Gov. Palin.
Sarah,
You know what’s right. You know the truth. You understand that sometimes things are hard and are likely to get harder. Don’t try to be something your not. You’re a mom, a wife, a daughter, a woman, a governor, a conservative and a Republican. Answer the questions honestly and simply. Let the slick politican do the spinning, you do the sticking. Oh and smile, God loves you and so do we.
The truth shall set us free.
#20 – DaveyWavey,
“…I know in my heart…”.
‘For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.’
Matthew 15:19
Let’s leave your ‘heart’ out of this, OK?
Well gosh darn it and golly gee, I just can’t wait to see McCain and Palin get to D.C. It’ll be like havin’ real live folksy types (Rip Van Winkle and Granny Clampett) in the White House…heat up the possum stew and start buildin’ those bomb shelters momma , cause these two warmongering dimwits are going to bring Nuclear Reprisal to America’s doorstep. Yeehaw and pass the ammunition fools!