Merry Christmas
[photo courtesy of Jimmy]
A holiday ponderment:
Why would Sarah Palin kill Rudolph?
Here are my theories:
* He wouldn’t stop humming “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”.
* She found out he was the real father of Bristol’s baby.
* He called her “Tina”.
* She does that to everyone who claims that Article I of the Constitution defines the role of the Vice President. Haven’t you noticed how twitchy Biden’s been since the debate?
* It wasn’t Palin. Cheney mistook Rudolph for a lawyer.
* We’ll never know the real reason, because it’s locked up in a vault in Hawaii next to Obama’s birth certificate.
* From a distance, that nose can easily be mistaken for a laser sight. Any sane jury would call that self-defense.
* Halloween, a moose costume, and someone who didn’t say “trick or treat” fast enough.
* Sarah’s just the patsy. It was really the guy on the grassy knoll.
* Palin hates political corruption, and Rudolph was Senate Candidate Number 5
* He was the one who told George Lucas “Episode I really needs a goofy animated character to act as the plucky comic relief”.
What’s YOUR conspiracy theory?
(32 votes, average: 4.81 out of 5)
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December 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I would trade Rudolf places. Children would all be happy again and so would I.
December 25th, 2008 at 10:30 am
OK Rudolph with a p, I would still be happy.
December 25th, 2008 at 10:40 am
* That’s not really Rudolph. It’s John McCain and she finally bagged him because he was stinking up the continent.
* She’s just following Santa’s orders to clean out the red light district.
* She needed a trophy reindeer and Rodolph was available.
* She got sick and tired of “We’ll leave the light on for ya’” Motel-6 commercials.
* Rudolph was hanging around her bedroom too much and being bossy towards Todd.
* The incandescent light in her living room burnt out and Rudolph’s was the last one available in Alaska. She hates fluorescent’s.
December 25th, 2008 at 11:03 am
* She’s just like that
* It was foggy, and she thought he was another UFO
* Too much noise on the roof
* Family of seven — ’nuff said
December 25th, 2008 at 11:11 am
* Rudolph defected to the Democrat party and Santa said “take him out.”
* There were rumors that Rudolph would run for Ted Stevens’ Senate seat. His poll numbers were higher than hers.
* She needed the meat.
* She know people like Socrates and JimboBob would understand.
December 25th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Rudolph isn’t deceased in this photo..wandering past the lodge he noticed the camera, and, star struck hambone that he is, stuck his head through the air conditioner outlet to “horn” in on the photo op with Sarah.
Now he’s a celebrity…maybe even our next president. He’s just as qualified, don’t you know…and native born at that.
Even though our local paper chose to wish its readers a “Merry Christmas” in script so small you had to scan the front page for two minutes to find it, allow me to apologize on their behalf, and wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS…!
December 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
* She didn’t want the freak messing up the gene pool. She’s a responsible hunter, after all.
That’s all I got. Merry Christmas, everyone.
December 25th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Too much eggnog Christmas eve, and was shooting celebratory into the air, and oops. (or is that new Years?)
She is covering for Plaxico Burress. He dropped his gun and it accidentally went off.
I want that gun for Christmas – all I got was a small .40 S@W
December 25th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
1. He was really Rudolph the Red, the red nose was because he was a lush.
2. Not, Rudolph but Ted Kennedy
3. Was trying to sell her a subscription to the NY Times.
4. Was really trying for Prancer the cold wind caused her to miss.
5. Was trying to stop Santa. Everyone knows Santa is a Socialist plot buy giving away presents without having the kids do anything but be “GOOD.”
6. Needed a new night light.
December 25th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
She’s sooo hot, photoshopped or not. Just sayin’
December 25th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I Igor produce “Obama vault birth certificate” at http://www.igormarxo.org” Look more believable than the Obama put on Nonpartisan, nonprofit unbiased” websites
December 25th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
IgorMarxo #11. Very nice certificate. My people escaped from Russia 100 years ago when Russia began killing Germans. You do nice work. I may need certificates so I too can become high official in United States Government. This is where the money is. Then I, Idaho Spud Ivonovich will marry rich, beutiful princess like Sarah Palin and I will rule Alaska and then Kamchatka then all of Russia and then I work together with United States conservative’s and we will make law not to kill Rudolph but we can kill all liberals. You forgot to give hier Hussein a designation of sex. No matter. I give him designation=neuter. Please send certificate right away as I am very old and need to act fast.
December 25th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Since Sarah can see Russia from her house, she thought the red light of Rudolph’s nose was a Russian fighter jet coming to strafe her house. Nobody does that to Sarah Palin and lives to tell about it!
December 25th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Why? Because we have a 2nd Amendment. That’s why.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Any Reindeer with a nose like that is obviously a homosexual and Sarah knows it needs to be put down.
A woman, a gun a target like that? Nuff said…
I Heart Sarah!!!
December 26th, 2008 at 10:41 am
If Sarah Palin was a lib democrat, she could merely have her own lawyer conduct an investigation, then announce to the press that there was no wrong doing. The press would be more than satisfied with that announcement.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:48 am
It’s about time! That damn blinking nose keeps waking me up on Christmas morning… and I keep hitting the floor thinking it’s a low flying aircraft. It sucks living in a flight path for a major airport…
December 26th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
It was a natural reaction. If I saw something flying toward me with a glowing red light, I’d assume that it was Hillary out looking for fresh blood and take appropriate defence measures.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
And on that foggy Christmas night…. As Rudolph headed home…. Santa said “Just two more stops…. The first one is in Nome”…. Then a special delivery where wouldn’t you know…. Sarah Palin lived in her mansion in Juneau…. Just as Rudolphs hoof…. Alit upon the Governors roof…. Through the curtains Sarah peeked…. And shot that little red nosed freak…. Santa said “Oh my, oh dear…. Told her not to mix guns and beer…. Best we leave the carcass here…. Hurry up guys…. Get your asses in gear…. She might think I’M a reindeer…. Cuz when Sarahs loose…. Anything that moves could be a moose…. Or a bear, a hippie or even a goose…. Or easier targets like Russian tanks….. Or Clinton, Gore and Barney giving reach around spanks…. So lets end this test run…. To see how close she keeps her gun…. In four more years we’ll take a guess…. On delivering her swearin’ in dress…. So on Donner, on BlitzBANGBANGBANGITYBANG…. Darn, I think I’m hit”
December 26th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Because Rudolf sounds a lot like Adolf — and it’s better to shoot first and ask questions later.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:21 am
She swatted the flyer down to appease the scientists
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24839835-23272,00.html and to practice her shot of airborne legend of lore.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:28 am
* She saw the “Yes We Can” bumper sticker on his hind quarters & decided (rightly so) that he was too f**king stupid to continue wasting our air.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:44 am
[...] an article about Christmas lights destroying the planet (link via commenter erg): Dr Glenn Platt, who leads research on energy demand, said Australia got 80 per cent of its [...]
December 29th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Look at the antlers. It’s not a reindeer. It looks like somebody mixed an antelope and a white-tail. The whole thing’s was faked bt PeTA. Nothing to see here. Move along, now.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin’s lawyer.
Or
Rudolph was in league with ELF (Earth Liberation front) and about to burn down the only Hummer dealership in AK.
December 30th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
“My, what big GUNS you have, little girl!”
Is it any wonder she renders the media elite into a state of complete apoplexy?
December 30th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
1. SHE’ S PISSED THAT WE HAVEN’T HAD A FRIDAY CAT-BLOG FOR MONTHS.
2. WORDS TO LIVE BY: “IF IT’S BROWN IT’S DOWN”
3. TIRED OF CLEANING REINDEER POOH OUT OF THE GUTTERS
January 4th, 2009 at 11:32 am
You fools! She did it to save the planet!