Obama’s First One Hundred Days
Some people are thinking Obama might be moderate. Those people are stupid. Here I have the changes Obama plans to make for his first one hundred days.
CHANGES TO BE MADE IN OBAMA’S FIRST ONE HUNDRED DAYS
* Replace the national anthem with something you can dance to.
* Based on his own example, no more discriminatory hiring practices where experience is taken into account.
* Write official apology to the world for being America.
* Throw all openly straight people out of the military.
* Follow through on promise not to touch people’s gun; instead, ban all ammo.
* Later, take guns from ammo-less gun owners.
* Make it a federal crime to be rich.
* Replace weekly radio address with poetry night.
* Nationalize as many businesses as possible; rename our financial situation the Obomony.
* Make worshiping him an official religion so making campaign contributions to him is tax deductible.
* Train military less for killing, more for hugging.
* Vow to return to the moon and remove all those American flags so as not to make it so political.
* Declare that borders will no longer be enforced because the land isn’t owned by America, it’s owned by Gaia.
* Replace national symbol of the bald eagle with the unicorn.
(56 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5)
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January 22nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I still don’t have my unicorn!
Worst. President. Ever.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I”d just like to remind everyone that i was the first person to call for obama’s impeachment. one second after john roberts finished his swearing in of obama, i hit “submit”—calling for obama’s impeachment, so all you “johnny come latelys” should start holding me in reverence, i beleive i’d like to be referred to as
“number one” from now on. ( i was going to use “numero uno”, but that would probably be racist.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Another 5 from me, but with one erratum:
Nothing in the Obonomy will be tax deductible, silly. That’s cra-zazy talk.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
1. Navy Seal Training School replaced with Seal Blowing School
2. God Bless America replace with god Damn AmeriKKK
3. Star Spangled Banner replace with Chickens Coming Home to Roost
4. GI Joe replace with GI Chad
5. US State Department renamed – US Universe Department
6. Work begins on Barack Obama sculpture to occupy entire face of Mt Everest.
7. NFL is mandated by federal government to become non-contact due to new federal mandate that everything in US must be non-violent.
8. Federal Government kicks down doors of conservatives, Christians and possible gun owners and beats each to within an inch of their lives.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Snakesavage…you are like just totally awesome!
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Hmmm…promoting an all-gay Army….that might work. They can act in the finest traditions of Alexander the Great….(How do you seperate the men from the boys in Greece? Answer: With a crowbar.). They can rush over the parapets, close with the enemy…and hug them and kiss them and dance with them and buy them a drink. Most enemy combatents will drop their weapons and run like hell.
Although….we need to think this through…the islamofascists might just like this scenario.
This is complex…ain’t it?
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
That one changed its mind. It will not give everyone Unicorns, it will give them Gitmo terrorists instead.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Well Snake, you’re actually standing in Number 2 here. . .
Obama will also:
* Mandate that no questions will be asked of him that haven’t been pre-screened by his teleprompter.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Hmmm…promoting an all-gay Army….that might work.
So I guess you’ve never heard of the Pink Berets, huh?
January 22nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
He’s already done a make-over of Air Force One. Here is secret footage of the new Air Force One’s maiden flight:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc8JJ5Pkxd4&feature=related
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
The bald eagle will be replaced as the national bird by the hair-plugged eagle. (suggested by Joe Biden)
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
why thank you ussjiminycarter!–as a matter of fact–my middle name is “awesomenality”–and spy?–we are all in number two for the next four years!
January 22nd, 2009 at 7:32 pm
All tax deductions are now reversed and are tax deductions from your bank account. It’s called Obamaccounting…
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:01 am
Reinstitutes ‘The Bank of the United States’.
Zombie Andrew Jackson rises from the grave and wreaks un-holy vengence when O slaps his own mug on the $20 bill.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:36 am
Have all copies of MLK’s “I have a Dream” adjusted to eliminate his anti- Obama hate speech. You know, where he said a man should be recognized for the content of his character, not the color of his skin.
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:01 am
Institutes a new “no questions from reporters” press policy.
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 am
Easter is replaced with Obama day. Why? Why not?
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:15 am
* Make it a federal crime to be rich. -
Should be:
“make it a federal crime to be rich unless you are a liberal”
Don’t forget, there were 4 times as many private jets at President O’s big bash than at Bush’s.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 am
Ah, screw it. Just close America. Give that old Declaration of Independence thingy back to the English and we’ll just roll into the European Union. The French can come take over Canada, and Spain: Mexico. Who’s going to stop them?
We’ll just make North America “Europe West” so they’ll stop being mad at us.
Mitch Rapp
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Mitch, I thought with the way the election went, we already were Europe West. Sadly.