Stupid Scientists
This is why I hate scientists. Destroying the world with black holes is a risk worth taking to learn information two or three of them might find mildly interesting. Back in my day — the eighties — if scientists started spending too much time studying things we didn’t care about, we’d put burlap sacks over their heads and throw them in a bog. That’s because capitalism ruled the day back then, and super colliders just don’t fit into that — unless there becomes a market for doomsday devices.
Anyway, if one of these scientists accidentally makes a black hole that starts to swallow the earth, I wrote a Know Thy Enemy™ about it a while back, so read up and take caution.
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(18 votes, average: 4.72 out of 5)
January 28th, 2009 at 9:40 am
If memory serves me, the maximum gravitational force of a black hole is directly related to its mass. (So it lacks the ability to suck in things that are more massive than itself).
Starting a chain reaction though is an interesting point to ponder. “Quick throw me a rope!”
January 28th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Perhaps if the scientists would read Revelation, they would realize they don’t really stand a chance destroying the world themselves. So, I’m not too concerned.
The real question is, are they stupid, arrogant, or ignorant for thinking they can destroy the world?
[Well, you know how scientists always consult the Bible before doing experiments. Anyway, how do you know a black hole isn't what's predicted in Revelation? -Ed.]
January 28th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Oh, by the way, they are racist for using the term: Black Hole. It should be called a ‘Hole from which light cannot escape’. Also, it had better be consuming light produced by black people, instead of promoting only white light.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:48 am
During my time (the 70’s) we did our part. We would simply grab any “Poindexter” that happen to cross our path and subject him to an “attitude adjustment session” that included verbal abuse utilizing words unfamiliar to young “Braniac” along with Nuclear Wedgies and the old Head-In-Toilet fun time! I’m certain that we did our part to deter many from the path of scientific enlightenment… So…which one of you dropped the ball? You need your nads punched! The coming black hole will probably feel like a punch to the nads…
January 28th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Frank I’m sure you will change your mind once you learn black holes can power REALLY big rocket launchers on dinosaurs.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Too late, the black hole has already spawned. The center of this growing monstrosity is Washington DC. If you are still enough and clear your mind, you will feel its never-ending pull on your wallet or purse, on your freedom to express a belief in the Almighty, on your ability to grow your personal wealth through legal means, etc.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:40 am
the maximum gravitational force of a black hole is directly related to its mass. (So it lacks the ability to suck in things that are more massive than itself)
So whom sucks whom? Michael Moore or Rosie O’Donnell?
Sorry, that’s just the first thing that popped into my head when I read #1.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Oh here we go! First we start talking about a Black Hole, then one of you geniuses bring up sucking and the next thing you know we will be talking about a gay black hole. This discussion will quickly degenerate into a Barney Frank Black Hole and how this Black Hole not only sucks but also blows which an anomaly but predicted by Einstein in a theorem years ago…
January 28th, 2009 at 11:58 am
If we throw Nancy Pelosi’s ego, and Al Gore’s hypocrisy into said black hole, that should be sufficient for the black hole to chew on for a few millennia.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Best case senario: The black hole gets big enough to suck in that hollyplace sheeple, congress and europe. Then evaporate because there is no more fecal matter to absorb.
The worst case scenario: rosie gets stuck inits mouth before sanfrannan gets absorbed and the hole ends up imploding and killing all of the dinosaurs.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
If we throw Hillary Clinton into the Black Hole, it will vomit her back out and die a most gruesome death. Food poisoning that even Doctor House could not cure!
January 28th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
What you want to be careful of is black holes the size of Uranus. Those puppies can suck up all sorts of things – like wallets.
And whatever you do, DON’T go near what’s called ‘naked singularities.’ They are sometimes camouflaged by fabric that looks like White House drapes.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
David slew Goliath with a sling.
1. put rock in pocket of sling.
2. spin rock in sling around in a circle really fast.
3. release 1 end of sling, allowing rock to escape.
4. rock strikes giant’s forehead, slaying giant.
The tricky bit is aiming the rock.
If David’s aim had been a little bit off, he’d be a fossilized grease stain in the desert somewhere and king Saul’s son Johathan would have had to write the Psalms.
The point is; the Super Collider is a sort of sling on steroids.
Stuff inside it goes around in a circle really, really, really fast.
The question is – how good is their aim?
A device that fires quantum black holes at the speed of light would be very cool.
They might even find a practical use for it some day.
If they can aim it.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:52 am
On this day of my nativity I would respectfully say. Build super colliders. Build a lot. Build them in France, Iran, Russia, China and anywhere else freedom has been extinguished. They should be the FIRST to go.
Even better build it on the site of the messiah’s new abode. Or wait hasn’t that already become a hole without color……no wait that would be the Capital. Build it there. That way there’s no real loss of anything remotely useful.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Yes we are going to die! I’m so scared! Please God save us from those evil scientist! We are so ignorant, we go to churches and believe in the bible, we are so afraid of intelligent people like those scientists. Please someone protect our children from the terrorist scientists. I’m rich, ignorant and stupid, I need republicans to protect me from the smart people.
January 29th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/
January 29th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
My wife is a scientist.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
#14 – Seanmahair,
Happy Birthday!
#15 – Srr,
“I’m rich, ignorant and stupid, I need republicans to protect me from the smart people.”
Self-knowledge is a marvelous thing!
I think we’ve made a real break-through today.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I hate scientists for real. They think they’re so smart with their useless technology and inventions. In reality they’ve accomplished nothing that can be even slightly useful to the human race.
Blah blah, some people are gonna say that Internet and Tv and other trash is a good invention and that I wouldn’t be able to write this if it wasn’t for them. But then again I didn’t need internet so that I could watch porn all day long, or read useless information. Books are a better medium and they weren’t invented by scientists.
I hope all scientists burn in hell.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Scientists will not burn in hell simply because they don’t believe there is one.
Only ignorants believe in hell and are afraid of it.
Yo! you dont like inventionsfro science? all right, turn off your refrigerator to begin with….