HONOLULU (AP) – In a hard-fought battle where he was, at one point, a 2-to-1 underdog, President-Elect Obama ending up beating Vladimir Putin to claim the crown in the Mr. Socialist Pageant.

Obama wins the man-boob match-up

“Things looked grimmest for Obama during the eveningwear competition,” said Matt Drudge, the pageant co-ordinator. “Put him in a tux, and Putin shines with the hard-bitten, suave elegance of a Bond villain. And not that gay-looking one from ‘Die Another Day’, either. Obama in a tux, well, he just looks like a high school teacher who got stuck chaperoning the Prom. You know… that one really dweeby math teacher who told all the dumb jokes and always seemed to give the bosomy girls better grades.”

The Interview portion did nothing to change the standings of the contestants, as both answered the question “How would you make the world a better place?” with “By smashing decadent Western capitalism and establishing a worker’s paradise for the proletariat”.

Once the shirts came off for the swimsuit competition, however, Obama’s numbers surged. “I figured this event would be a toss-up,” said Drudge. “Both their torsos have that oily, hairless look that women who let their undocumented nannies raise their children seem to prefer. But it’s apparent from Putin’s mutant third nipple that his hairlessness was caused by Chernobyl radiation. Obama has that baby’s-bottom silkiness that only comes from combining electrolysis with estrogen treatments. Women were obviously attracted to the way he imaginatively embraced modern technology instead of being stuck in the 80′s like Putin.”

“In short,” said Drudge, “Barack scored the tiara because of his fantabulous man-rack.”

(22 votes, average: 4.95 out of 5)

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