WASHINGTON (AP) – The NRA today came out in favor of the Obama administration’s attempt at reviving the assault weapons ban that expired in 2004, citing experts who say that assault weapons perpetuate unhealthy stereotypes of physical beauty.
“We support the proposed assault weapons ban for much that same reason that West Virginia state lawmaker Jeff Eldridge supports a ban on the sale of Barbie dolls,” said NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre, “because they place too much emphasis on the importance of a weapon’s physical beauty, at the expense of a shooter’s intellectual and emotional development.”
“American’s weapons enthusiasts admire the sleek, sexy design of fully automatic rifles, which is only natural because they’re great for killing terrorists,” said LaPierre. “But this admiration can become an unhealthy obsession that leads people to focus unnecessarily on shallow, cosmetic attributes completely unrelated to a gun’s ability to perforate evildoers. Sure, pistol grips, flash suppressors, and bayonet lugs LOOK pretty, but when it comes to cold-slabbing a home intruder, looks don’t matter.”
NRA Board member Ted Nugent was similarly enthusiastic in his support. “People need to hold a more realistic image of personal weaponry. Appearance and firepower, though nice, aren’t EVERYTHING. What’s more important is who the person holding the gun really is, deep down inside. Does the person always assume a gun is loaded? Do they know their target and what’s beyond it? Do they never point a gun at anything they don’t intend to destroy? Sadly, the existence of assault weapons perpetuates unhealthy stereotypes about beauty at the expense of more important things, and they need to go away.”
There’s nothing wrong with pretty,” said Nugent, “but good sight picture, controlled breathing, and squeezing instead of pulling the trigger are what REALLY matter.”