Archive for March, 2009

I Hope He Fails

Friday, March 27, 2009 8:42 am

When Obama tries to get the prize at the bottom of his cereal box, I hope he fails.

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We Didn’t Start the Obama

Thursday, March 26, 2009 7:34 pm

Crowder is a dancing fool!

I can’t believe he keeps making videos like this every week. Don’t I suck for not even being able to keep a podcast bi-weekly.

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Overseas Contingency Operation

Thursday, March 26, 2009 2:03 pm

Apparently Obama is going to eschew calling the conflict the “War on Terror” and instead call it the “Overseas Contingency Operation.” Wow. So how long do you think it will be until Obama goes for the whole shebang and outlaws having a penis?

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Here Comes the Dongs

Thursday, March 26, 2009 12:01 pm

North Korea is getting ready to launch missiles! Yay! Now Obama get to show us how he handles a crisis!

Now, if I were handling it, I’d send a note to Kim Jong Il saying, “If you launch those missiles, I will kill you and everyone you care about you pot-bellied, poofy-haired freak! Then I will put your head on a pike and everyone will remark how that is the damn ugliest pike they’ve ever seen!”

I’m guessing Obama will handle things differently. First he’ll offer North Korea unconditional hugs. If that doesn’t work, then he’ll grovel. Then he’ll disarm us hoping North Korea will follow suit. Then he’ll apologize for one of our cities being vaporized and we’ll all forgive him because he meant good.

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Charity

Thursday, March 26, 2009 10:26 am

So, apparently Obama is going after charitable giving next. I guess when the government is throwing around trillions of dollars, a few extra dollars from charity don’t seem necessary. Or, rather, he wants that money for himself to spend on government programs he thinks better helps those in need such as teaching tolerance for gays to the homeless and getting energy efficient light bulbs for the hungry. Anyway, after he’s done we’re all going to be the charity cases.

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Fail Win

Thursday, March 26, 2009 8:45 am

Some people seem to think it’s wrong to want the president to fail, but Bobby Jindal and Fred Thompson have both come out of defense in wanted Obama to fail. Of course, they qualify it with that they want him to fail when his policies would hurt America. That’s a bit different from the IMAO position of wanting him to fail when it does nothing but cause annoyance to himself. Anyway, I hope people stop getting all worked up about this; wanting Obama to fail is a bit like wanting a fish to swim.

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Undo

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 6:00 pm

You’ve done it.

I’ve done it.

We’ve all done it.

Sent an email that we wish we could immediately take back, I mean. For example, hit “Reply to all” instead of just “Reply.” Or noticed a mistake … a big one … right after sending. Or forgetting an attachment.

Google has added an “Undo” button to their Gmail application:

My theory (which others shared) was that even just five seconds would be enough time to catch most of those regrettable emails.

And now you can do just that. Turn on Undo Send in Gmail Labs under Settings, and you’ll see a new “Undo” link on every sent mail confirmation. Click “Undo,” and we’ll grab the message before it’s sent and take you right back to compose.
undo_send
This feature can’t pull back an email that’s already gone; it just holds your message for five seconds so you have a chance to hit the panic button. And don’t worry – if you close Gmail or your browser crashes in those few seconds, we’ll still send your message.

Five seconds is a help. Might save me some embarrassment. Lord knows, I could use all the help I can get.

If only we could get an “Undo” button on the presidential election. I’m wondering how many people would hit it now?

And where else could we use an “Undo” button?

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Obama Is Taking Your Questions!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 1:10 pm

The White House web site has a new page called “Open for Questions“, where citizens are encouraged to submit their questions on the economy. On Thursday, Obama will answer all the ones that make him look good, like “The economy is so much better now that you’re president. Why are you so awesome, and how can we best praise you? Would a large, golden idol be appropriate?”

Personally, I’d go a little less softball. Here are some of mine:


“That’s a tough question… let me have my staff dig up some dirt on you to release to the media, and I’ll get back to you on that.”

* You say America needs jobs, green energy, and cheap health care, yet all you’ve done is “invest” trillions in financial institutions that are too stupid to earn a profit. Isn’t this like promising to buy your daughter a pony, then going out and buying yourself a Mustang?

* Could we maybe take your $3.5 trillion budget to Vegas and play blackjack with it? Statistically, we should still have $3.4 trillion left afterwards, which is better odds than we’re getting from you.

* You’re planning to lower the deduction on charitable giving. Are you also planning to spank your children when they share their toys?

* When asked why it took you so long to express outrage over the AIG bonuses, you said “because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.” Didn’t you actually mean to say “my teleprompter was broken”?

* A two-part question: In your speech on the economy, you said “there are no silver bullets”. If that’s true, then – first – how will America defend itself from a werewolf invasion, and – second – have you considered asking the Lone Ranger for assistance?

* You criticized AIG executives for “enriching themselves on the taxpayers’ dime”, calling it “inexcusable”. Does this standard apply to your $500,000 book deal? Or is your book deal OK because it was done before you assumed the Presidency? And does this make the AIG bonuses OK, because they were set up before they accepted the bailout?

* You said we “can’t afford to demonize every investor or entrepreneur who seeks to make a profit”. Does that mean you have a list of people that you CAN afford to demonize? Does that list consist of the names of people who submit unflattering questions to the Open For Questions web site?

* Senator Benjamin Cardin has proposed a measure to help newspapers that are struggling to stay afloat by allowing them to reorganize as non-profit entities. If you support this measure, would you support a similar measure for bloggers? I mean, I sit around all day making stuff up, and I’m not making any money at it, either.

* If Treasury Secretary Geithner is fired or resigns, who will replace him. Are there any Democrat tax cheats left in Washington who aren’t already part of your administration?

* Although you expressed outrage over the AIG bonuses, you don’t seem too upset about the millions in Fannie Mae bonuses. Are you saying that it’s OK to use bailout money for bonuses as long as your company name sounds like a character from the Beverly Hillbillies?


Anything YOU want to ask That One?

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Soon There Will Be No Need for Organic Presidents

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 12:18 pm

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Teleconference

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 11:39 am

The president’s news conference from last night isn’t getting good press.


Notice the big monitor in the back of the room. That caught some reporters off guard.

But it made me wonder.

Suppose someone hit the remote, and Obama continued to read off the screen. Would it have made for a better news conference?

Or, a more honest one?


*click*


Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.


*click*


We rob banks.


*click*


What we got here is … failure to communicate.


*click*


I’m the king of the world!


*click*


I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.


*click*


This is my life. It always will be. There’s nothing else.


Just us and the cameras …


…and those wonderful people out there in the dark.


All right, Mr. DeMille. I’m ready for my close-up.


*click*

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Obama’s Speech

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 10:44 am

Anyone watch Obama’s speech last night? So was he like, “I’m going to spend trillions of dollars on wacky crazy crap and you can’t stop me. Plus, I’m not going to let you watch TV; instead you have to watch me! Ha ha ha ha!” Jokes on him; I was watching 24 off of Hulu.

Or did he apologize for being a screw up? “I’m sorry! I have no idea what I’m doing! I just wanted this job to pad my resume! This is just too much for me and I keep messing everything up! I even put my shirt on backwards this morning! Please, someone tell me what to do! Anything; I’ll do it! I’m desperate!”

And did the press ask him any good questions? Or was it just things like, “What’s your favorite color?”, “Why is everyone so mean to you?”, and “How many fingers am I holding up?” (to check if he’s punch drunk).

These just never are very interesting. Maybe in the next one he could do a billion dollar giveaway to whoever watches. The money would just be a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of the stimulus, and he could always tax the winners at 90% and get most of it back anyway.

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I Hope He Fails

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 8:35 am

When Obama tries to avoid the chutes and only hit ladders, I hope he fails.

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Obama’s Speech Tonight

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 2:26 pm

Obama has another prime time address tonight, messing up all the TV I wanted to watch tonight — my only joy in this cold, bleak world Obama has created. Anyway, here’s the main points he plans to hit in the speech tonight:

* He can’t think with everybody yelling at him.

* Running a country is really hard, like much harder that organizing a community.

* Has anybody seen his The Economy for Dummies book?

He also plans to spend the last few minutes giggling uncontrollably.

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Or-ee-on

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 12:41 pm

Tip for whoever is in charge of Obama: Never assume a word is so simple that you don’t need to spell it phonetically on his teleprompter.

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lolbama! Part 10

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 11:37 am

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Got a nice pile this week, so I’m just tossing in one token pic of my own & calling it good.

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


From Caylen:

From DamnCat:

From Jedijson:

From Labcat:

From Nicole:

From me (Harvey):

From Peregrine John:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

Also from Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Susie:

Also from Susie:


My favorite from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Patrick of God, Guns & Family Values

From Anonymous:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Sean:


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with (courtesy of Rick of The Rabid Conservative:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Other Link of the Day

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 10:29 am

Hart of ThatHero.com sums up the economy with a very simple graph:

Further discussion available here.

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Hide the Cheney

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 8:59 am

Some people in the GOP are urging Cheney to go back into hiding, probably to preserve the secrecy of the Dick Cheney Assassination Squad. They know that the Dick Cheney Assassination Squad is our last and only hope and must be preserved at all costs and hidden from Obama’s anti-dinosaur agenda. When Obama’s screw ups inevitably cause the collapse of society, won’t we be happy to see the Dick Cheney Assassination Squad riding in on their dinosaurs to restore order? Then Dick Cheney will declare himself king and we’ll have constant entertainment in his newly constructed Thunderdome. And it will be morning in America once again.

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Link of the Day

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 8:01 am

Apparently a movie has come out that explores the troubling question, “are Obama and his teleprompter really ‘just good friends’?

Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation! has the poster.

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Just what we need: more people not changing their underwear

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 4:00 am

The Japanese are testing “stink-free” underwear on the space station. Reuters reports that Koichi Wakata is trying them out the “J-ware”:

“He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week,” said Koji Yanagawa, an official with the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency.

Wakata’s clothes, developed by researcher Yoshiko Taya, are designed to kill bacteria, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly. They also are flame-resistant and anti-static, not to mention comfortable and stylish.

Having served in the military, I understand first hand about being in situations where you can’t change your clothes … including socks and underwear … on a regular basis. Even then, we washed certain areas (a “whore’s bath”), even if we weren’t able to change clothes. However, it was not by choice, but by circumstance. Such items would be great for those circumstances.

The thing about the Reuters report that really caught my eye? This:

The Japanese space agency plans to make the clothes available to NASA and its other space station partners once development is complete. A commercial line also is in the offing.

Read that last sentence again: “A commercial line also is in the offing.”

You’ll be able to buy this stuff at Sears. Or Wal-mart.

Think about that.

This scientific breakthrough will allow some folks to go a week or more without washing their ass.

Ain’t technocracy great?

What’s next? J-ware socks, so you don’t have to wash your feet? J-ware undershirts so you don’t have to wash or use deodorant? I shudder to think what else science has in store for us.

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Know Thy Enemy Request

Monday, March 23, 2009 10:28 pm

I was thinking I should do another Know Thy Enemy post since they are fun and educational. What enemies are you wanting to know more about right now?

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