I Hope He Fails

When Obama tries to open clamshell packaging, I hope he fails.

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Earth Hour – The Video of Truth

Reader Alex put together his own version of the Earth Hour video which answers the question:

If saying “yes” to lunatic environmentalists on Earth Hour is a slippery slope, what’s at the bottom of the slope?

*stands*

*applauds*

Well done, Alex.

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Global-Warming Cultists? Screw ‘Em… Celebrate Human Achievement Hour – UPDATED 3-28-09

The neo-cavemen of the “1022 tons of rock is TOTALLY fragile” movement want you to turn your lights out between 8:30 and 9:30pm tonight.

To which I respond with a heartfelt “bite me”.

I’m going to celebrate Human Achievement Hour, instead.

In response to which I’m sure the 21st century hippie losers will snivel “Oh yeah? What’s there to celebrate? What have human beings ever achieved?”

Got 3 minutes?:

Personally, I’m going to celebrate by taking a minute to appreciate the taken-for-granted miracles of human civilization that surround me:


* This stupid blog post? Yeah, I’m writing words… with LIGHT! Even Gandalf never pulled that one off.

* Sure, the elves had that freaky little “vision pool” going on, but my 40-inch plasma flatscreen does the same damn thing, except in hi-def.

* The computer I’m writing this on (with LIGHT!) contains exactly zero natural or organic materials. I’ll bet that stupid hippie Steve Jobs cries himself to sleep every night just thinking about that.

* If I jump in my SUV right now, I can be 60 miles away from here an hour later. Basically it’s just really slow teleportation.

* If wolves could do that, I’d stop hunting them from airplanes just out of respect.

* I’m gonna play a CD. Look! I’m making music… with LIGHT!

* My cell phone… actually, I’m gonna turn that off because you’re busy reading, and having it pop off with “It’s Raining Men” right now would probably annoy the crap out of you.

* SIT! my domesticated dog, son of wolves who weren’t hunted from airplanes.

* Twitter… is just self-indulgent twaddle. The hippies can shut that down if they want. Of course, if they did, they might get bored and do stuff that leaves big, carbony footprints. You know, like work or bathing.

* Zo – totally not a slave anymore.


How are YOU gonna celebrate?

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PS – Regarding the last Earth Hour post… I wasn’t able to rework the Earth Hour video with appropriately ominous background music, because I still don’t have video skills or software. However, if you have some time to kill, you can do a manual mashup that I thought worked pretty well.

Load up the Earth Hour video, pause it at the 30 second mark, and mute the sound (click the speaker icon to the right of the time stamp).

Download this mp3 of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” from WFMU’s Beware of the Blog. Fire it up and pause at zero seconds.

Start the music then the video as near simultaneously as you can, and watch the Earth Hour video.

How’s that?

UPDATE 3-28-09:

Krig the Viking suggests another excellent mashup:

Pause the Earth Hour video at 26 seconds, and start Holst’s “Mars: The Bringer of War” (at 0 seconds).

It’s like these old, dead, music guys knew this was coming.

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Enemy Sun

I knew we couldn’t trust the sun! Ends up it could destroy all our technology at any moment with a solar storm. Yet here we sit stupidly dependent on the sun. So why would the sun attack us like this? I don’t know, but what I do know is that nuking it only makes it stronger. We need like an anti-nuke to take out the sun, and that’s technology we don’t have. And what’s the Obama administration’s policy on this? They like the sun. They’re not even working on a defense! We need to be figuring out how to fight the sun now, but they’re too busy trying socialize the country to save us from our plasma-filled oppressor. Don’t worry; I’ll figure out how to destroy the sun. It’s my job as a blogger.

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Keith Olbermann: Biggest Dumbass in the World

Keith Olbermann blasted Twitter for allowing a phony account in his name to be run by FOX News… except it was actually MSNBC who is running it to help his show. Here’s Keith Olbermann explaining how social networking sites work:

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A World Government

So, I guess Geithner is open to China’s idea of a global currency replacing the dollar. I’m pretty much vehemently opposed to any proposal that holds other countries as equal to ours — like U.N. votes. Part of how America helps the world is that it remains separate from the other countries and punishes them for their weakness thus making them try to do better. If we all join together to help other countries, that’s like rewarding their suckiness, and what happens to the world if you win a prize for sucking?

That’s not to say I’m against there one day there being a one-world government and the elimination of borders. It’s just it has to happen by America conquering all other countries.

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It’s True

Some people have called Obama “Reaganesque“.

Well, when asked in his online town hall meeting yesterday “whether legalizing marijuana would improve the economy and job creation”, he said:

“The answer is no, I don’t think that is a good strategy to grow our economy.”

And just saying no to drugs technically makes him Nancy Reaganesque.

It’s a start.

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War Names

Obama is not going to call it the “War on Terror” anymore, but “Overseas Contingency Operation” just isn’t catchy enough. Here are some other names for the war he is considering:

* The War of Northern American Aggression

* That Trouble in the Middle East

* Overseas Man-Caused Conflict

* The Roosting of Our Chickens

* Operation Wacky Iraqi Attacky (wait, that was Bush’s suggestion)

* Our Contribution to the Zionist Conspiracy

* Bush’s Mess

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Poll: Should Barack Obama Fail?

There’s been a lot of chatter about whether or not the president should fail. Really, the only way to settle this important matter is with a pointless poll. And, by they way, failure to vote in this poll could be catastrophic for the economy and your complexion.

Should Barack Obama fail?

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Fighting Back Against Taxes

My column at Pajamas Media is up, and this week it’s on armed resistance to taxes. Never suffer a tax to live.

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