Sir Stoopid
I hear the British are going to knight Ted Kennedy. Does knighting have like any meaning to it anymore? Does basically the queen just go visit the zoo, sees a monkey do a silly little monkey dance, and say, “How droll. Let us knight him.” So she takes him back to the palace, pulls out a sword, and says, “I dub thee Sir Silly Little Monkey.” And then monkey goes crazy and tries to eat people’s faces because that’s what monkeys do when they’re startled by things like swords being pointed at them.
That’s basically it, right?
(38 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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March 5th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Oooooo! You said the M-Word. And the answer to your question is: Probably.
March 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Sir Theodore, Knight of the Realm and Rescuer of Drowning Maidens.
March 5th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Comment FAIL: Sir Edward, Knight of the Realm and Expert Swimmer
March 5th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Your choice of words is incompatible with knighting Obama. who would be a much better knight, in my irrelevant opinion. Just think of all the shiny armor he could wear.
March 5th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I don’t know. Her majesty’s sword arm is shaky these days and you know once Teddy starts having the DTs from not having a drink for five seconds or has another stroke we could see something bloody happen.
March 5th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Ted, Knight.
Not to be confused with the actor who played
pompous nincompoops in Caddyshack and the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
Ted Knight was only acting.
March 5th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Is saying white monkey racicst? What is the blathering drunk being knighted for? His tireless search to save Mary Jo Koepechne or is Britain so irelevant as a nation Ted was the best there was? Why not Sir Smokin Joe Biden?
When I was a kid Cracker Jacks came with neat toys stuffed in the pack. It was more important to find the toy than eat the popcorn. So why doesn’t Cracker Jacks package a certificate for British knighthood in say 1 every ten packs. I would buy just so I could be like Ted although I don’t have a body count linked to my name.
Sir Basil: Sir Nunya B; Sir Desert Elephant; Sir Frank; Sir Midwest Conservative; Sir Plentyobailouts; Sir Harvey; Sir ussjimmycarter; Sir 1/4 tsp shredded lemon peel; Sir 5 of 7; Sir Jimmy; Sir FreemanSandlewood? These are some and many others deserve to be knighted if Ted does. Cracker Jacks could give them the opportunity.
The only problem, would they let it go to their heads?
March 5th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
A knight? Pshaw. Look up the meaning of the name “Basil.” (It means “kingly”)
I’ll take the throne. And if that little unpleasantness at Hastings back in 1066 had gown our way, I would already have it. Elizabeth II? Usurper!
March 5th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Idaho Spud: I’ll have you kmow –I have been a knight for 36 years. At age 8 I was knighted protector of the castle(tree house) and tax collector for the king (older brother) I think my knighthood has much more meaning to it than anything that limey can bestow.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
#7, Idaho Spud
Ahem…
March 5th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Basil is right to take the throne over knighthood. You dont get any cash from being a knight. That is why I want the Nobel Prize in Science. You get cash for that plus a big old gold medal.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Teddy swam away…
Sir Teddy: *No!*
Minstrel: [singing] bravely swam away away…
Sir Teddy: *I didn’t!*
Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely left the girl and fled.
Sir Teddy: *I never did!*
Minstrel: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Teddy turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.
Sir Teddy: *Oh, you liars!*
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely got free of his seat, he swam a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Teddy.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
G Fresh, you ruined my joke.
Mine was going to involve Vietnam and Iraq, but was basically about how Sir Edward prefers to do things in Sir Robin’s own particular…
(idiom sir?)
Idiom.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
The thing is though…once you’re knighted, you’re no longer an American citizen…
March 5th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
MarkoMancuso is hereby granted a
bailoutstimulusgold brickbeautiful womanknighthood.March 5th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Well, I was going to ask for ammo and a horse, but that’ll do just fine, thank you!
March 5th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
The Lion of the Senate….or the Pussy Cat of Chappaquiddick. You be the judge. And now a possible Knight of the Realm, quite an accomplishment for the son of a former bootlegger. Anyway, he’s brain dead….perfect for being a Democrat, not so sure that qualifies him for a knighthood.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Arise! I Knight thee
Sir Ted the Buoyant
March 5th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
QE2: “We dub thee Sir Drinks-a-lot, Knight of the Order of the Bottle and Sinking Car.”
March 5th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
#14 jks says:
>The thing is though…once you’re knighted, you’re no longer an American citizen…
So, if they decide to knight Obama, no impact to him at all?
March 5th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
This is a joke right? I don’t remember Sir Ted being very chivalrous at Chappaquiddick.
March 5th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
The thing is though…once you’re knighted, you’re no longer an American citizen…
I don’t think that that’s right. The relevant section of the Constitution (the existence of which is a mystery to Sir Teddy) is:
No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state.
So it applies only to government employees, and even they can be knighted if Congress agrees.
I have no idea why I know this; my ancestors were about as far from nobility (or gentry, which is what knights properly are) as possible.
March 5th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Zing. Never stopped him from becoming CIC, so it shouldn’t prevent him from being more overt about his foreign allegiances. Though I imagine the HUGE middle finger he gave the Brits last week would preclude his being sword tapped on the shoulders. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about any accidental Ear nicks, given the bucket.
March 5th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
That Zing was meant for Basil’s comment. Damnable interlopers.
March 5th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Frank, you just likened Ted Kennedy to a “silly little monkey”, and since both Kennedy and Obama are liberals, that means you also vicariously compared Obama to a monkey. That is racist, sir!
March 5th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Perhaps he should be called “Sir Rosis”
March 5th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Unless he swears loyalty to the crown, which is forbidden by the Constitution, he could not rightfully be called a knight or use the titles associated with them. They would only be considered honorary. But then again when does things that are forbidden by the constitution mean a tinkers damn to a Democrat?
March 5th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
@Veeshir
Well, I was going to do a joke about Teddy being the Knight who says Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z’nourrwringmm, not because of some mystical properties of the words that cause pain to those who hear them, but because that’s how sir Teddy always talks after a night on the town.
D
March 5th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Jimmy: If Obama were to wear a suit of armor, wouldn’t the helmet be kinda like a bucket? Just sayin’…
March 5th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
He gives a new meaning to “Lady of the lake”.
Switching to Python, if only due to peer pressure.
“Listen! Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! I mean if I went around claiming I’m emperor because some moistened bint lobbed a simitar at me, they’d put me away!”
March 5th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
HELP!! HELP!! I’m being repressed, come see the violence inherent in the system!
March 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
POB, though I know you meant that as an homage, you really should practice that a lot. Especially if HR 45 goes through. Well, at least we’ll all get to go to camp. And camp is fun.
March 5th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Oh, Wacky Hermit, how’s that Organic Baby Farm doin’?
I think you’re right about the equivalence of shiny armor and metallic buckets.
On the other hand, to heck with knighting Kennedy or Obama. We might as well be knighting monkeys.
Oops…
March 5th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Considering his general shape, I suggest Sir Cumference.
March 5th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Who said money can’t buy everything. This drunk driving liberal basket of crap is being knighted. On the basis of this improbable event I proclaim money indeed can buy love and totally distort reality. There can be no other explanation. It sure ain’t cause he merits it!
March 5th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Instead of us cloning dinosaurs like Frank wants, we should clone dragons. Then send one over to the UK. The Queen would have to recall all of the knights and send them off to do battle.
We could even send a video person along to film the fight. It would be better then Monty Python.
March 5th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
If he accepts it, and everyone distracts congress so they don’t approve it, he could lose his US citizenship.
Then we can dump him on the english.
March 5th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Yeah, comparing Ted Kennedy to a monkey isn’t nearly as exciting as… well, you know. Ted Kennedy reminds me more of a hippo anyway.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Please, the Queen is going to allow Prince Chuckles and his Rotweiler to become the titular figureheads of her country. Doesn’t this show how without integrity, moronic and abysmally inane the British have become.
The ironic thing about this is that if you are an Irish Catholic in Northern Ireland you still live in fear, you still can’t get a decent job and you are still a second class citizen. Catholics are still experiencing religious bigotry there.
Go figure. (oh yeah these are the same people who as Ben Franklin once said squandered one of the richest colonies on earth……….genius’)
March 5th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
No chance of an accident with the sword – Since it’s only honorary I think all Ted gets is a certificate suitable for framing.
Patience, Mary Jo. Not much longer now.
BTW, Funniest comments I’ve read in weeks! Knighthoods for all!
March 6th, 2009 at 2:27 am
I just e-mailed brave Sir Ted this link…. as a little congratulatory message.
March 6th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
…and then following the ceremony, a drunken SIR Edward Kennedy took the queen for a drive, accidentally running off a bridge and leaving her to drown as he ran home and called his lawyer, who called the police first thing the next morning.
March 7th, 2009 at 4:12 am
Sir Nunya B
Thanks for the knighthood, Spud, but I’m a Dame — like Pammy and seanmahair and Sulamie — not a Sir.
Back on topic, I really like #26′s “Sir Rosis” for Uncle Ted. LOL!
And yeah, if they knight him, then they have to keep him; that’s the deal.
While we’re at it, I wonder if we can make some sort of trade with Cuba to take all our Hollywoodians?
Or farm out our RINOs to Mr. Hugo down there in Venezuela? Tell ‘em that’s where the hot new tax shelters are.
March 8th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Nunya B. Of course your a dame, but in the state we’re in today with women trying to be men one cannot take chances can they? Seems like damned if you do or don’t. So, I recind your knighthood. Come to think about it, the English didn’t knight women they just cut their heads off. I’m not endorsing that but seems like history is full of those moments. I guess the closest ladies come is to be a woman of the knight?
March 8th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Err… I think she meant that ‘Dame’ is the title of a lady who has received the equivilent of a Knighthood.
Sir Joe Smith, Dame Jane Smith. etc.
Dame Nunyab,
Dame Pammy,
Dame Seanmahair,
Dame Sulamie,
Oh, and of course, Grand Dame Sarahk!