Steven’s Epic Journey

Steven Crowder searches for good liberals:

As I always say, if we want to find a use for liberals, we should bury them deep within the earth so they’ll be oil for future generations.

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Award!

Gradual Dazzle of Anywhere But Here has honored IMAO with the “Best Use of Red & Black Color Scheme in a Blog” Award.

I’m a late-comer to IMAO, so Frank gets all the credit on this one. Still, it begs the question – why DID Frank choose red & black?:

a) his sublimated checkerboard fetish

b) his love of obscure Blue Oyster Cult tunes

c) he’s a HUGE Stendhal fan. Then again, who isn’t?

d) his unhealthy obsession with self-balancing binary search trees that 10 years of therapy have still not quite cured.


FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (Current estimated wait time – 5 Award posts), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

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Worry Not About Popularity and Instead About Sanity

With the loss of Specter, the usual suspects are going on about how the Republicans need to be less right wing to be competitive. This is idiotic. The one things moderates never have is passion; you can’t have passion for an incoherent hodge podge of a political philosophy. So you can survive politically and maybe scrape by when you’re constantly compromising for expediency, but you’re never going to inspire anybody and make big things happen.

Who wants a political party that’s principles are just a reflection of however issues are currently polling? If our views on issues are correct, they’re worth fighting for no matter what polls says. Plus, if you want to move people, you have to have some real values and show people they’re important by sticking by them. How can we argue against crazy spending if we tolerate those who are for it in our own party? I think being less inclusive can be helpful if it makes us more coherent and principled.

Passion for ideals isn’t enough, though. Lots of people think they’re really right and stick by unpopular views no matter what. That’s why there’s one more thing that’s key: You have to be able to explain your views without coming off like a nut.

Look at Daily Kos. Lots of passion, but crazy views and crazy people who have no self-awareness of how insane they appear. A lot of Ron Paul people have some pretty intriguing views, but they also come off as kooks who only seem all the more kookier by not comprehending how crazy they sound. Good views are ultimately sane views that you can explain passionately by calmly. Plus, conservatives are supposed to be real people who work and have families; we know how to connect to people because we are people. That’s an advantage we have to exploit. Look at liberals reaction to the Tea Parties; they couldn’t even comprehend what it was about because they just don’t understand the average American like we do.

So, let’s get rid of the squishes, but let’s not go crazy. Passion and sanity are the keys to success.

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Army Makes Progress In Armed Dinosaur Technology

WASHINGTON (AP) – The Army announced that they have successfully combined a dinosaur with a sniper rifle to create a self-defending flying sharpshooter.

The ARSS features both a sniper rifle (right) and a bone/enamel terrorist mastication matrix (center)

Dubbed the Airborne Reptile Sniper System (ARSS), this next-generation helicopter drone has a semi-automatic gun mounted on a self-stabilizing turret with built-in zoom camera, and fires 7 to 10 precisely aimed .338-caliber rounds per minute. It also has dozens of foot-long, razor-sharp fangs, giving it both offensive and defensive short-range terrorist-chomping capabilities.

The rifle – a modified RND Manufacturing Edge 2000 – is directed by using an adapted Xbox 360 controller, which plugs into a laptop so that the operator can see what the drone sees. The dinosaur head – a modified Cretaceous period Tyrannosaurus Rex – is controlled by a combination of hand gestures, praise, and Snausages.

Although designed mainly for urban combat and repelling Velociraptor attacks, Army officials hope that it may also be useful in fighting pirates and resolving the “where should we put the Gitmo detainees” problem.

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What Really Happened with Air Force One

Just to be clear, we’re all in agreement what happened with Air Force One flying over New York, right? Obama was coked out of his mind and grabbed the controls of the plane and started dive bombing the city. To cover it up, his staff made this whole idiotic photo op story.

Anyway, Air Force One needs to get reinforced cockpit doors like the other passenger. That Obama is crazy!

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Fake

Why are people always trying tear down our heroes.

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Random Thoughts

Only way Obama will get me to watch one of his primetime speeches is if he’ll be explaining what the smoke monster really is.

I wonder if it would help combat internet trolls if we brought back dueling?

I always assumed the Democrats would become more serious if given power. Well, I’m an idiot.

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Award!

Hart of That Hero has honored IMAO with the “Prettier Than Olbermann!” Award.

Flattered, as always. We’ll just set this one right next to the “Dryer Than Water!”, “Smarter Than An Anvil!”, and “Thinner Than Michael Moore!” awards.

I note that this is the first one of these that Hart has handed out. I’m nominating this blog for the second.


FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (Current estimated wait time – 6 Award posts), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

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TV Guide

I saw somewhere that the president was going to be on TV this week. Had you heard that?

Anyway, I thought I heard tonight at 8:00 or something. So, I checked the TV Guide, and saw that “Lie To Me” was on.

Hey, that could be it.

But I kept scanning and saw other shows this week that could have been an Obama news conference:

  • Fringe
  • The Biggest Loser
  • Damages
  • Trust Me
  • Psych
  • Criminal Minds
  • American Idol
  • Lost
  • Foulups, Bleeps & Blunders
  • The Celebrity Apprentice

I never did find out when he was on.

Was anyone else confused about it? Were there any TV show listings that you thought might have been the president’s news conference?

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World Ends 2012

We have only one option: We destroy the sun first.

Think of it, if we can just make our own heat source, we can destroy the sun and free float through the galaxy, tethered to no particular orbit. We’ll be free. Free!

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