Bow? What bow?

Hello, my name is Tommy Flanagan, White House spokesman.

I wanted to clear up some misconceptions about the president’s meeting with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia.

You see this picture? Some have said that the president is bowing to King Abdullah. Well, that’s just not true.

The president did not bow. No, he, um… he was bending down. Yeah. Bending down so he could look King Abdullah in the eye. Yeah. That’s what he did.

Then he … saw a ninja. Yeah, a ninja. The ninja was hiding and the president feared for King Abdullah’s safety. So he dove after the ninja and beat him up. With one han… one finger. That how powerful Barack Obama is. He beats up ninjas. With one finger. His pinkie finger.

Look at the picture again. See the ninja? Of course you don’t! It’s a ninja! But the president saw him. Because he has x-ray eyes. He can see ninjas. Yeah.

Then he saw the king choking. And gave him the Heimlich Maneuver. Yeah.

See? He’s giving him Heimlich Maneuver from the front! It’s a secret, special Heimlich Maneuver. And I taught him how to do it. Yeah. It’s called the “Flanagan Maneuver.” That’s the ticket.

The president is a hero. Because he saved the king. King Abdullah will probably give him his daughter to marry. Kings do that, you know.

Then, to top it off, he auditioned for Dancing with the Stars right there on the spot.

See? He’s dancing. And he won! The president is the best dancer ever. Yeah.

So I hope this has cleared things up. The president didn’t bow to the king of Saudi Arabia. No, he would never do such a silly thing.

Barack Obama knows what he’s doing. He’s … experienced! Yeah, that’s the ticket. He’s the smartest, bravest, most qualified man ever to sit in the Oval Office. Or my wife’s name isn’t … Morgan Fairchild.

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Rick of The Rabid Conservative has honored IMAO with a completely useless and utterly meaningless award that he made up for the sole purpose of drawing attention to himself:

Despite this being only marginally more thoughtful than a stack of last-minute DVD’s from the White House gift shop, IMAO will display this image with pride, since we have so little of our own.

No, wait… maybe that’s “shame” I was thinking of…

Either way, this brings up the obvious question:


Yes, yes, reading, commenting, buying mechandise, clicking on the 80 bazillion ads that litter the site like stink on a hippie, but other than that?

…That’s what I thought.

Well, here’s your chance to redeem yourselves and get a link in the sidebar that Frank’s too lazy to update the blogroll on.

Make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, it will be duly noted in a post (which may take a while if participation is heavy, so be patient), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. If your award image is crammed with indistinguishable details, or tiny, squinty print that looks like crap at 190px, that may very well count as sucking too terribly bad.

Now get honoring!

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Obama’s Top Ten New Defense Related Projects

With Obama cutting missile defense, what will Obama spend all the defense related money on? Here’s what he’s currently thinking:


10. Classes to teach Marines to be more concerned about their enemies’ feelings.

9. Camouflaged Snuggies.

8. New ways to distribute propaganda to the enemy that apologizes for Bush.

7. Automated drones that can safely seek out high-priority targets and give them a hug.

6. Tree-planting missiles.

5. New guns with a special safety feature that keeps them from firing if pointed at a person.

4. Preventing nuclear attacks by posting signs specifying that nuclear missiles are not allowed.

3. Bio-degradable tanks.

2. Study on the effects of replacing camouflage with tie dye.

And Obama’s number one new defense related project…

Continue reading ‘Obama’s Top Ten New Defense Related Projects’ »

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I Hope He Fails

When Obama drives this and tries to convince people he’s not gay, I hope he fails.

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