Hello, my name is Tommy Flanagan, White House spokesman.
I wanted to clear up some misconceptions about the president’s meeting with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia.
You see this picture? Some have said that the president is bowing to King Abdullah. Well, that’s just not true.
The president did not bow. No, he, um… he was bending down. Yeah. Bending down so he could look King Abdullah in the eye. Yeah. That’s what he did.
Then he … saw a ninja. Yeah, a ninja. The ninja was hiding and the president feared for King Abdullah’s safety. So he dove after the ninja and beat him up. With one han… one finger. That how powerful Barack Obama is. He beats up ninjas. With one finger. His pinkie finger.
Look at the picture again. See the ninja? Of course you don’t! It’s a ninja! But the president saw him. Because he has x-ray eyes. He can see ninjas. Yeah.
Then he saw the king choking. And gave him the Heimlich Maneuver. Yeah.
See? He’s giving him Heimlich Maneuver from the front! It’s a secret, special Heimlich Maneuver. And I taught him how to do it. Yeah. It’s called the “Flanagan Maneuver.” That’s the ticket.
The president is a hero. Because he saved the king. King Abdullah will probably give him his daughter to marry. Kings do that, you know.
Then, to top it off, he auditioned for Dancing with the Stars right there on the spot.
See? He’s dancing. And he won! The president is the best dancer ever. Yeah.
So I hope this has cleared things up. The president didn’t bow to the king of Saudi Arabia. No, he would never do such a silly thing.
Barack Obama knows what he’s doing. He’s … experienced! Yeah, that’s the ticket. He’s the smartest, bravest, most qualified man ever to sit in the Oval Office. Or my wife’s name isn’t … Morgan Fairchild.