This twittering is addictive. It’s like there’s a party going on with all the cool people hanging out and chatting… except I’m invited and I don’t stand quietly in the corner. Anyway, I’ve added my last three tweets to the sidebar so you can better admire my awesomeness. Also, for those already following me on Twitter, you should now get post updates there because I still need people to come to this site to make that sweet blog money (about half of which goes to the government!).

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What’s the point of being homeless if you have to go to work anyway?

First, let me thank Frank J. and everyone at IMAO for their kind words of support.

Okay, not everyone had kind words of support. Still, it was touching. At least they spelled my name right, even if some pronounced it wrong.

With those niceties out of the way, I must say that this whole getting displaced by a tornado is starting to get on my nerves.

First, the good news. On Friday night, the Weather Channel online (on my CrackBerry) said that we were under a tornado warning, and that one would be in our area at 9:17.

They nailed it. At 9:17, the sound of the rain gave way to a gosh-awful noise, and the lights went out.

That’s the good news: we got hit with a tornado when they said we would. Aint’ technocracy great!

The rest, though, falls under the category of “bad news.” The tornado tore down the large tree in the back yard and put in on the house, knocking the power lines down and ripping the power meter box from the wall.

Of course, on Easter weekend, there’s no getting an electrician to come by. Especially until that tree and the accompanying debris was out of the way. Saturday and Sunday, we got the side of the house cleared, but still no electrician.

Rather than spend the night in a power-less house, we stayed in a hotel. That was Saturday night. And Sunday night. And Monday night. And now, Tuesday night.

There’s still no power at the house. Oh, the electrician got the power box and meter up. But there’s no line running from the pole to the house. That’s awaiting the power company, who’s awaiting the inspector signing off on the electrician’s work.

So, we’ve been having to stay in hotels since the storm.

Being homeless isn’t fun.

But, having to get up and go to work? While homeless?

That’s just not right.

I think, first thing in the morning, I’ll put on dirty clothes, head to the Piggly Wiggly and grab a shopping cart, then wander around town, picking up trash bags full of thrown out bread from Subway.

Then I’ll go register to vote as a Democrat. Several times.

After all, in for a penny, in for a pound.

I’m wondering what else I should be doing, now that I’ve joined that elite group.

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Reader Aaron has honored IMAO with the “Chuck Will Allow Your Blog to Live” Award:

You know how there is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live?

So, too, the blogosphere.


To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (which may take a while if participation is heavy, so be patient), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

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lolterizt! Part 79

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

[reference link]

From coloradoright of Colorado Right:

From DamnCat:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Basil of Basil’s Blog:

From Jeff:

From Pork n Beans:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

[reference link]

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From jedijson:

[reference link (1:22)]

From Shane:

From a different Shane:

From Zorn:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Muslim Pirate Sayings

“Arr! We’ll be sending ye to Davey Jones’s (pbuh) locker!”

“Aye, what a buxom wench… or at least I assume so under the burqa.”

“Sixteen men on a dead man’s chest,
Yo ho ho and Allah Akbar!”

“Arr! Keelhaul him! He drew a depiction of Muhammad!”

“They call me Taliban-Approved Beard the Pirate, and none be more feared on the seven seas!”

“Arr! Praise Allah for the weather, and scan the horizon for ninjas and Navy Seals!”

“Miss Swann, there be no ‘parlay’ in Sharia law.”

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An End to Privacy

I would just like to say that IMAO support the president’s effort against Somali privacy. Somalis have far too many secrets and its time for that to end. Libertarians will say that everyone — including Somalis — deserve privacy as a human right, but that’s why there is that famous saying: “Libertarians are stupid. Shut up.” As long as Somalia continues to engage in privacy, we will assume it is against are interests and put an end to it. We all know private sayings like, “Arr! Shiver me timbers and encrypt me e-mails!” Well, no more.

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Random Thought

America shouldn’t be the policeman of the world. America should be the renegade cop who doesn’t play by the rules of the world.

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Credit Where Credit Is Due

Some people seem to not want to give Obama credit for the hostage rescue from the pirates since he didn’t really order it and all he did was not interfere with the standing order to shoot and kill if innocent life is threatened. Still, you have to admit he didn’t actively impede the attack against the pirates, and not hindering the troops is an improvement from how he was with the Iraq War. So let’s give credit where credit is due — though I’m not going to name him President of the Day again today.

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