Fighting Childhood Obesity
In Massachusetts, schools are now going to send letters home if a child is overweight. I totally want that job! That would be so awesome to get paid to tell kids they are fat.
“Hey, Tubby, waddle on in my office I have something to tell you. It has come to our attention that you are so disgustingly fat that the teachers can’t teach you anymore because they can’t stand to look at you. You are just that fat. I am now going to give you a letter, and I want your parents to sign it to acknowledge they know what a hideous fatty you are. Now get out of here; I can’t stand to look at you anymore either you disgusting lardo. And one more thing: Fatty fat fat fat!”
And I get to feel good about myself at the end of the day because it’s government approved social engineering!
(27 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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April 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
You can only be sure you have gotten your point across when the kid starts crying. Anything short of that and there is a possibility the message was not recieved.
I wonder how much they pay the guy or gal who’s job it is to make fat kids cry.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Counselor: “What in the sphincter of Hell is that, Tubby?”
Student: “Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!”
Counselor: “A jelly doughnut! Are jelly doughnuts allowed in my office?”
Student: “Sir, no, sir!”
Counselor: “Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts?”
Student: “Sir, no, sir!”
Counselor: “And why aren’t you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Tubby?”
Student: “Sir, because I’m too heavy, sir!”
Counselor: “Because you’re a disgusting fatbody!”
Yeah, I could do that, and they wouldn’t even have to pay me. I could do that to kids for free. It would be like public service.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I blame George Bush.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
The
Obama Youthsyoung people have to be in shape when called upon to serve themotherlandcommunity.April 13th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
If only someone had done that for Michael Moore, and his fellow MooreOns, what a better place the world could have been (visually at least).
April 13th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Eric: Mooommm the school sent a letter.
Mrs. Cartman: What does the letter say poopikins?
Eric: It says I’m fat.
Mrs. Cartman: You’re not fat, you’re big boned.
Eric: Thats what I said.
Mrs. Cartman: Do you want cheesy poofs?
Eric: Well yeah I want cheesy poofs.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
“Johnny, watch this educational music video by Professor Yankovic. We’re going to have to introduce you to the food czar( NO FOOD FOR YOU! ).I’ll be sending your parents a notice of your suspension from school ’til you meet our mandated weight-to-height ratio. I will include instructions for the injesting of tape worms, it’s much more economical than gastric bypass,quicker results too. No,government health care won’t cover your ‘condition’ Incidently, smoking has been found to cut the appetite, please consider taking it up. We need a million more smokers to bring in the revenue for O-bah-muhh’s S-CHIP program.
April 13th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I suggest that Tommy is too fat because he is kept sitting at a desk 10 hours a day.
April 13th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Hey, I thought conservatives were supposed to be about NOT being the nanny state? You know, live and live live, eat/drink/smoke whatever you want, be as happy and fat as you want and accept the consequences?
Is the FrankJ personality is secretly turning moonbat on us? First the PresO’Day Obama kudos, now this…Hmmm.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
That is SO HELPFUL! Because probably the kid’s parents don’t realize he’s fat.
April 13th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I thought the left as all about preserving a child’s self esteem by never letting them lose a game on the playground or be picked last for dodge ball. Now they are going to tell kids they are too fat???? talk about screwing up their self esteem.
I know there are funny elements to this, but as a parent, this just pisses my off. Every parent knows that kids pack on a few pounds before they go through a growth spurt.
April 13th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Hey, I’m beginning to like this nanny state stuff. How about getting the schools to check and make sure everyone is wearing clean underwear? I’ll be the Dean of Women’s Underwear, High skuul devision. In an emergency, I’ll also check the women teachers, but only if they are young and hot. Being caught with dirty underwear is punished(!) by an over the knee spanking. Double for NO UNDERWEAR!
April 13th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
So, let’s review:
1) Little Johnnie shouldn’t be graded in school, as a low grade might lower his self-esteem.
2) Little Johnnie’s team should not keep score, as losing the game might lower his self-esteem.
3) Little Johnnie should not be informed when he answers a question incorrectly, as being told his answer was incorrect might lower his self-esteem.
However, it’s perfectly fine to tell he and his parents that he’s fat…in writing. Ummm…okay, you gotta love the liberal logic.
April 13th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
My step daughter is VERY underweight! (smaller than children two grades below her ) Will the fat police be after her for not having enough fat?
April 13th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
My grammy used to make pie crust from lard. Yeah… LARD. Mmm mmm good.
April 13th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
What would really skinny up the kids is more large predators. Yep, if they had to run everywhere they went to avoid being eaten, they would get into good shape real fast or turn into predator poo.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Students could retaliate by sending letters to their teachers and school administrators.
“YOR Fat!”, “Ugly too!”, “And yor breath stinks!”, “The flab under yor arms flops around when you write on the chalk-board!”, “I know what you did to Suzie-Jean last week!”, “My dad says he’s not afraid to go back to prison!”.
etc.
April 14th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Yes, I think parents should deliver letters to the principal informing them which teachers are fat.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:27 am
The school should be forced to send along the BMI of all the teachers and adminstration at the school. Do they practice what they preach?
April 14th, 2009 at 10:55 am
What about the little fat kids’ self-esteem? Sounds totally insensitive to me. Methinks that calling them “heroically proportioned” sounds more appropos.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:16 am
“You can lose weight running to the store to get a bottle of whisky for your poor disabled Uncle the Senator. Now, scoot!”)
April 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am
It’s just too bad the kids are likely to eat the notes.
April 14th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Why stop with obesity?
“You’re fat. Not only that, but you smell bad. Try bathing once in a while. You’re dumber than a sack of hair, which would explain your grades. Your extreme ugliness is not helped by the fact that your mother dresses you funny. Your behavior, well, what can we say about that? At least you don’t fling feces.”
April 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Bullying has become a real problem at some of the local schools around my digs. So much so, that they (the kids) make “anti-bully” posters. Funny thing is, most of them depict big guys picking on either stick-man-thin kids, or well-marbled kids.
So bullying by kids isn’t okay, but when adults are allowed to single out kids, then that’s state-sanctioned? If this craptastic idea comes to WI, I’m taking the corn-fed teachers to task. I think there might be three teachers in my kids’ elementary school that could run a half-mile.
Of course, it *is* Wisconsin, after all. Wisconsin, where gravy is a beverage.
April 15th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Skinny kids can sell ‘skinny credits’ to fat kids as a way to offset the fat within a particular ‘skool’ district.