President Obama approached Ahmadinejad. “Thank you for agreeing to meet and talk with me.” He then bowed to him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Ahmadinejad asked.
“Have some self respect, man!”
Obama stood back up. “I got you an iPod.”
Ahmadinejad grabbed it greedily. “Neato.”
“It’s got my speeches on it.”
Ahmadinejad hit some buttons on it. “I already deleted them. I got you this.” He handed Obama a little bag.
Obama looked it over. “A bag of rubber bands. Uh… thanks.”
They sat down at at the meeting table. “I just want to say how much more I like you than Bush,” Ahmadinejad said. “That guy was an idiot.”
“And I apologize for him and for my country. You don’t have to worry about that thuggishness anymore, though.”
“I’m glad to hear it. You are a very good man, Obama.”
He smiled. “Thanks. Anyway, I guess I should get right to it. Since we’re in a new era and can trust each other, could you do me a solid and not make nuclear weapons?”
Ahmadinejad was silent for a a while, thinking it over. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to say no.”
“The answer is no. I’ve already told everybody I’m going to make nuclear weapons, and I don’t want to be a liar. You understand, right?”
“And North Korea is working on them, and that guy there is a poofter. If he gets nuclear missiles and I don’t, what will people think of me. It’s an appearances thing you see.”
Obama nodded. “Well, I guess it’s not too bad if it’s just for appearances. Could you at least promise me you won’t use them on Israel?”
Ahmadinejad consider it for a few seconds. “I’m going to have to pass on that.”
“It’s just that…”
“We’re kinda getting into private Iranian affairs here,” Ahmadinejad explained. “I like you and everything, but this really isn’t your business.”
“Okay, I see. Could I at least come away from this meeting with your personal guarantee you won’t use nuclear weapons on America?”
Ahmadinejad thought about that for a few moments. “We’ll consider it. I’ll talk about it with the others, and… well, we’ll see.”
“Thanks… I guess. I think we made some progress. It was great talking to you.”
“And I have to say once again how grateful I am that America elected you and got rid of stupid Bush. I like you much better. All the world leaders agree.”
“Glad to hear it.” Obama stood up and offered his hand to Ahmadinejad.
“Eh… I don’t want to touch you.”
“Uh… okay.” Obama turned to leave and looked out the window. “Where did my car go?”
“We liked it so we took it,” Ahmadinejad said. “You can walk back.”
“You took my car?”
“It’s just how things are here. No big deal. Have a nice walk.”
Obama headed out the door and turned to his Secret Service agent. “I think that went well. World leaders certainly respect me.”
“I’m not your friend; don’t talk to me.”