Saving the Earth
Wired has some idea on how to take out an asteroid determined to destroy us. There are all those sissy environmentalists worrying about recycling aluminum cans when if you really want to save the environment, this is what you have to worry about. I have my own plans for dealing with asteroids, but that’s not our only worry. We have to worry about black holes and even our own sun. There are so many interstellar threats out there that it seems so silly to worry about little things on this planet like the economy. We have to identify everything out there in space and have plans to destroy it all. We need not just dinosaurs with rocket launchers, but also a Death Star… for starters. We can maybe ignore these things for a while longer, but eventually conservatives will have to take over environmentalism and desissify it by coming up with plans to seek out and destroy everything that threatens this planet. Let’s not let Earth Day become a memorial day.
(20 votes, average: 4.90 out of 5)
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April 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Can you imagine all of the jobs that would be created in building, maintaining and operating a death star? Sounds like the perfect bailout plan to me.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
We’ll need Mexicans. McCain was right, Americans just aren’t willing to work in a Death Star for $50 an hour.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Bush was asked about the G20 today, and he asked what is the G20? Stupid bastard had no idea what was going on for the last 8 years.
IMAO needs to endorse Ron Paul for 2012.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
All the TV specials on this subject claim that nuking an asteroid will just make smaller pieces that are even worse. (Like which you rather get hit with: a 16-pound sledge or a little tack hammer?)
I say hogwash.
The answer is GigaNukes: Thousands of megatons of thermonuclear explosive. We have the technology.
The problem is, don’t let NASA do it. They’ll get the “units” wrong (meters versus feet) and the damn thing will crash and explode into Earth.
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:18 pm
After Opposing Immigration Reform During His Presidential Campaign, Romney Flip-Flops Again.
Remember during the Ted Kennedy debate where Romney championed the Abortion Rights movement earning himself the nickname multiple choice Mitt.
[I only support candidates whose supporters know how to stay on topic. That proves they have at least basic reading comprehension. If there is ever a Special Olympics like version of an election, I'll keep Ron Paul in mind. -Ed.]
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
[1] the lizard people from planet X, they’re already on the ballot in Minnesota. [2] quarks, you just never can tell what they’ll do next. [3] the ‘eye of God’ helix nebula, any nebula that has a God-complex needs psychiatric help. Not only that ,but it looks like the eye of Sauron, from LOTR trilogy [4] Quasars, sounds like phasers, and lasers, it’s got to be intergalactic weaponry of some kind.>>>>> Sounds like a job for SpaceGhost,Jan,Jace, and Blip.>>>>> Say… has anyone ever seen Blip and our very own Space Monkey at the same time? Cuz Blip wears a mask to protect his secret identity.
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Perhaps we could change the direction of the asteroid by shooting Ron Paul at it. I know if I saw Ron Paul coming, I’d head the other way, perhaps asteroids are also reasonable, and would rather avoid talking to a lunatic if at all possible.
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
The obvious answer is to nuke the moon, breaking it into pieces which will then deflect the incoming asteroid.
Nuking the moon – is there any problem it can’t solve?
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Just shoot Pelosi into the asteroid (or anything else headed toward Earth to destroy it). I suggest using a super modified version of the Mexi-Cannon. Scientific data shows that the massive black hole of Pelosi’s brain can and will suck anything into another dimension; not excluding asteroids, pesky suns, and tax payers dollars.
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Master Shake, we cannot nuke the moon until we destroy the evil sun. The moon is the only thing we will be able to use for a front sight to destroy that evil yellow ball. After the sun is gone , then we can concentrate on things like that egotistical nebula, but till then we are vulnerable to astroid attack. I say load up a really big slingshot with ron paul, michell rue paul, the big earred *forbidden*, and harry reid; launch them toward the Dekyper belt. The gravitational force these anomolies create will draw every astoroid, hemmoroid, and communoid toward them, thus saving the planet for all of us good folk.
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
We already have a Debt Star, does that count?
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I was wondering what happened to all the Paulbots/Ronulans.
April 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Earth Day is so terracentric. Why don’t we celebrate days for the other planets too?
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Can a Deathstar backfire?
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:11 pm
If it’s going to hit Washington, why bother trying to stop it?
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
It’s a waste of effort –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtqSPahiMxw
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 am
Im for the Death Star approach…. It could blow the moon up…. and if the Sun got out of line…. it could blow it up to. Not to mention it would provide good housing for all those here that refuse to be good little socialists in the New World Order. ….. yeah Im thinking the death star is the way to go ….
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am
Looks like qs has already legalized pot in his own mind and house. Thanks for helping Obama get elected.
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:15 am
#14: not sure, but I think #11′s Debt Star can backfire: they’re called Tax Day Tea Parties.
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Everyone remember it’s those pansy-ass leftists who want us to get rid of all our ICBMs.
When asteroids strike or aliens attack..what’s gonna save us?!?
And I am sorry, but I don’t think we should Nuke the Moon..we should Nukenize the Moon. We already have a Death Star in orbit, we just gonna weaponize it.
So, in the interests of saving Humanity from Cosmic Disaster. I think it’s the United State’s duty to invade Russia, ‘appropriate’ all their nukes and ship em up to the Moon.
It’s just the right thing to do.
Our Troops need some R&R so I suggest they invade France and swipe all their nukes 1st. After that lille, well deserved, vacation they can go after the Russkies.
Then, once the nukes are in place on the Moon…Not only are we safe from big rocks and little green men..we have the added bonus of not having to put Our Beloved Troops in harms way to deal with places like Iran or N Korea.
Can I get a ‘Nuke the Moon’ shirt that instead sais ‘Nuke them from orbit’? With maybe a pic of the Moon all bristling with ICBMs like a porcupine? That would be cool.
Ohh, and a shirt with a Marine(of the older person/retired variety) and their rifle(of course) with the text ‘Let’s invade France, got nuttin better to do’ would also be cool.
Heck, ya can make a similar one with a Royal Marine pic and the same text..double yer market.