Archive for May, 2009

Capitalist Propaganda: “The Philosophy of Liberty”

Sunday, May 31, 2009 7:01 am

Another modern piece (2002), this is a flash animation based on the epilogue of Ken Schoolland’s book, “The Adventures of Jonathan Gullible.” I present Kerry Pearson’s “The Philosophy of Liberty”:


[YouTube direct link]

Be sure to show it to your kids before their school makes them watch “The Story of Stuff“.

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What Sotomayor Meant To Say

Saturday, May 30, 2009 8:30 pm

In 2001, Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor, said:

“I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

Embarrassed by the unspinnably blatant racial prejudice contained in the remark, Obama did his best damage control by claiming “I’m sure she would have restated it” if she had it to redo.

Which is fine. Everyone misspeaks from time to time.

But that begs the question: “What did she mean to say?”

I speculate thusly:


“White men can’t judge.”

* “Did I say ‘better’? I meant ‘racister'”

* “White men is stupid, y’all! Can I get a HELL YEAH?”

* “I was a white man before the surgery, and I learned a lot from the experience.”

* “I. Have. Issues.”

* “You have not experienced Black’s Law Dictionary until you have read it in the original Spanish.”

* “Sonia, Sonia, Uber Alles… everybody sing!”

* “I get overturned by the Supreme Court 60% of the time. Basically you could replace me with a brown Magic 8 Ball and come out ahead.”

* “Para Espanol, oprima numero dos.”

* “When you got a tan, you ain’t The Man.”

* “My decisions are based on the plain meaning of the written law. My job as a judge is to set aside my personal biases and make the decision that the law demands. If the politicians don’t like it, they’re free to write a new law, but that’s THEIR job, not mine.”


Any other possibilities?

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Capitalist Propaganda: “Me Is Mine, You Is Yours”

Friday, May 29, 2009 10:42 pm

Something from the modern era (2007) from Nick Silby, a jingle-writer from Missouri, “Me Is Mine, You Is Yours”:


[YouTube direct link]

Sort of a 4 minute whirlwind tour of the history of civilization which reaches its pinnacle in the free nation of America.

Be warned, this guy writes catchy tunes for a living, and chances are this thing will be stuck in your head for a while.

Might be a good earworm to infect Obama with, though.

For more about Nick, check his website, or this interview in 417 Magazine. You can also check out his band’s MySpace page, where you should be able to find his song “It’s An Obama Nation”.

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Award!

Friday, May 29, 2009 10:12 pm

Kim Jong Il (via his pinko factotum Ron Rockstar) has honored IMAO with the “Kim Gives IMAO Big Dong Award” Award.

This award means a lot to us here at IMAO, since Frank & I are long-time admirers of Kim’s work. Sure, we tease him occasionally about his glasses, hairstyle, and megalomaniacally ruthless oppression of his citizenry, but it’s all in good fun.

I hope that someday Obama will take a page from Kim’s book and realize that just because you’re a fanatical supporter of communism doesn’t mean you have to be a humorless enema bag all the time.


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What to Riff

Friday, May 29, 2009 4:03 pm

Man, I’ve done all this pimping of RiffTrax.com and now I just found out they have an affiliate program and I could have been making money. Anyway, after the live show debacle, I have a ten dollar gift certificate and was wondering if you guys have seen any and have any recommendations on what riffs to watch.

BTW, they are soon coming out with a riff of Casablanca which I think will be their first time to riff a classic move; quite a change from Manos, Hands of Fate. They have a clip up now and it looks like there is plenty of material just making fun of the era.

If I had more time, I’d try doing my own riff on a movie, but they don’t make it look easy.

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What’s Up?

Friday, May 29, 2009 11:31 am

Man I got nothing today. I’m tapped out. Actually, I might be taking a vacation next week; probably a good time.

Still, it seems like there should be some things to say about politics. Like, I’m pretty sure Sotomayor wants to round up and exterminate all non-Hispanics, but strictly speaking I don’t think that’s unconstitutional so I’m not sure if it’s a disqualifier. Anyway, protesting Sotomayor could anger the Hispanic community which only get us rounded up and exterminated all the sooner.

And then there’s all the nuke tests from North Korea. It’s nice to see they’re taking a cautious approach to starting a nuclear holocaust and doing plenty of missile tests first. An American general says we do have enough military power to take on North Korea which is good to know since, as bad as Obama is, I don’t want to be ruled by Kim Jong Il. He has a funny little pot belly and I’d have to make fun of it even if it would get me executed. I’m a humorist; it’s what I do.

And the economy is still imploding, which is bad. I don’t know if Obama will do anything useful since our economy is based on capitalism and he hates capitalism. Also, our economy is in America and he hates that country.

That’s it. That’s all I have to say right now. Be honorable, ronin.

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Random Thoughts

Friday, May 29, 2009 8:31 am

So how long do you give the Archie-Veronica marriage? I say two years tops.

So is everyone else having to battle the dead risen from their grave, or is that just a Boise thing right now?

Might not be zombies and instead be stoned hippies. Either way, they’re dead now and the crisis is over.

Aliens have landed nearby. They keep asking to be taken to our leader, but I’m ignoring them because they look like dorks. Anyway, if they ask how Obama became our leader, I’d be kinda embarrassed to explain.

If they’d trade a death ray for one of my .45s, do you think that’s a good trade? I’d still have two left for dual-wielding.

If Iron Man saves you, exactly how rude is it to stick refrigerator magnets to his back when he isn’t looking?

Everyone who voted for Obama is a moron. That’s something that should be repeated every day.

Bowing to reality is for dumb squishy moderates! I impale them with my unicorn!

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Steven Crowder Announcement!

Thursday, May 28, 2009 7:58 pm

Steven Crowder has an announcement and reads some hate mail.

BTW, I’m the large Mexican who wrote him.

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Capitalist Propaganda: “Your Safety First”

Thursday, May 28, 2009 3:01 pm

From 1956, a short from the Automobile Manufacturers of America called “Your Safety First“:


[Internet Archive direct link]

The setting is the “futuristic” year 2000, and there’s plenty of cute Jetson-esque predictions that aren’t even close, but eventually [at 4:31, if you want to skip ahead] it gets to the heart of the matter – a documentary on the historical development of the automobile.

I like this bit because it makes you really appreciate how hard the auto industry works to keep improving their product, year after year.

It also makes you wonder what cars would be like if serving the customer were their only goal, and they didn’t have to keep meeting insane & arbitrary government standards and regulations which only serve to add cost without providing benefits to the consumer.

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The Unthinkable

Thursday, May 28, 2009 2:29 pm

Jonah Goldberg thought it would be an interesting plot for a novel would be the repercussion if there was a nuclear strike and a liberal president refused to retaliate. My guess on what would happen is that Obama would eventually find himself tied to a nuclear missile heading for the enemy.

I hope its basic policy that a nation can’t nuke us or an ally without totally getting nuked the crap out of it. That would be hugely bad precedent if an enemy could get away with a nuclear attack without the direst of consequences. I bet even Obama knows that. Which is why if he wants to stop a nuclear holocaust, he better grow a pair and start dealing harshly with Iran and North Korea now.

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Inhuman

Thursday, May 28, 2009 12:37 pm

Jeffrey Goldberg in a post about Iran mentions a story I hadn’t heard before. In the Iran-Iraq war, Iran was completely outmatched, so it was Ayatollah Khomeini’s idea to send their children to the front lines to march across minefields and clear them. Is it really fair to classify people who come up with an implement ideas like this as human? That’s the sort of thing that make me want to take the “torture” techniques the liberals are always whining about, find something much worse, and do it to Iranian leaders with no expectations of getting any information.

Why doesn’t the media focus more on stories like this of who we’re dealing with? Is it afraid then we’d all be demanding blood, because, yeah, that’s pretty true.

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Award!

Thursday, May 28, 2009 11:54 am

Reader Mark has honored IMAO with the “Best Blog That Used To Have A Podcast Award” Award.

I’m constantly being asked (and by “constantly”, I mean “never”) “when are you guys gonna start podcasting again?”

To which I reply “never”.

Which usually elicits a plaintive, high-pitched “but WHYYYYYYY?”

For the same reason Awards! are JPG files, not MP3 files – efficiency.

We at IMAO respect and value our readers’ time. The average speech rate on a podcast is 200 words per minute. The average speech rate of a picture is 1000 words per second. This makes posting funny pictures 30,000% more efficient than talking about them, and leaves readers more time to spend admiring the awesomeness of Sarah Palin.

But all this podcast talk is just a distraction from the REAL question:

How come nobody leaves “First!” comments anymore?


FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (Current estimated wait time – 1 Award post), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

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Obama vs. Obama

Thursday, May 28, 2009 11:20 am

April 30th, 2009, during his 100th Day speech:

“a Recovery Act that has already saved or created over 150,000 jobs”

May 27th 2009, during his 100th day of the Recovery Act speech:

“the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act has saved or created nearly 150,000 jobs”

[all emphasis mine]

So, in the last 4 weeks, not only has the Stimulus Package NOT created (or saved, which I can’t fathom how they’d calculate) one single new job, it now appears to be actively destroying jobs, since the number went from OVER to NEARLY 150,000.

Obama’s new Cyber Czar should mention to him that the days of Pravda are gone, and that the Internet Archives have replaced the Memory Hole.

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Random Thoughts

Thursday, May 28, 2009 10:34 am

If North Korea nukes someone all because I made fun of their Dongs, I’m sorta sorry.

Obama better put some really good music on the iPod he gives Kim Jong Il if he wants to diffuse this crisis.

It would be neat if instead of an invisibility cloak there was an invisibility snuggie because that’s the only way I’d wear one.

I just don’t like the way Sotomayor ends all her written opinions with “Take that, whitey!”

If terrorists had tails and we cut them off to see if they grow back, I bet liberals would yell at us. I hate liberals!

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Dueling Headlines

Thursday, May 28, 2009 10:10 am

AP:

Initial Jobless Claims Drop Unexpectedly

Fox Business:

Initial Jobless Claims Fall 13,000 As Expected

AP used analysts from the Labor Department, while Fox used a survey of economists taken by MarketWatch.

Private Sector wins again.

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Leave Politics to Beauty Pageants

Thursday, May 28, 2009 8:32 am

My new proposal at Pajamas Media.

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O’Reilly Smears Hot Air

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 11:41 pm

I agree with Ed; if you can’t tell a blog post from a comment, you have no place talking about opinions on the internet.

Michelle Malkin reportedly is pissed. Hopefully they’ll correct this. If you attack one blog, you attack us all… unless it’s like Sullivan or Charles Johnson. And obviously pretty much everyone on the left doesn’t count either, but you know what I mean.

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The Proper Response to the Sotomayor Nomination

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 2:30 pm

Probably no one way the Republicans can stop the Sotomayor nomination and no one way they’d get anyone less liberal or who actually cares what the Constitution. Common wisdom is that the Republicans should put up a big fight anyway to just sort of stake out their territory and drain Obama’s capital, but maybe it’s time to try something different. The Republicans are so far behind right now they might as well try something crazy, so here’s me idea: Let’s be super enthused.

Man, it will freak out all the Democrats if the Republicans are suddenly giddy at the thought of Sotomayor becoming a Supreme Court Justice. They’ll know something is up and dedicate their little Democrat brains to trying to figure it out. And when the hearings start, we can all be like, “It’s just so thrilling to think we could have a Latina on the Supreme Court. We can’t believe it! I don’t know why the Democrats want these hearing; I just want to vote for her right now!” And we can ask all inane questions at the hearings like, “What’s your favorite color?” and “What font do you prefer for your decisions?” and “How awesome is it that you’re Latina?”

What will this achieve? I don’t know. But it’s unpredictable, and that’s what the Republicans needs right now. The way so many Democrats act like cornered rats they just know that this brief bit of power isn’t going to last, so let’s keep ‘em paranoid.

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Nukes Aren’t Cool

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 12:05 pm

One way to deal with North Korea is to convince them that nuclear are completely out of style now. We just say to North Korea, “Wow, nukes; you guys did not get the memo. Everything is satellite based death rays, now. Instead of a nuke, you might as well be brandishing a sharpened rock tied to a stick. Nukes are so camp right now, they’re more of a gay status symbol… not there is anything wrong with that… other than the gayness. So do you and Iran have a thing going? …I guess that’s not my business. Anyway, did you that the word you use for missile is slang for ‘penis’? Every time you do a missile test, you’re just embarrassing your whole country.”

Just a thought. Other idea is to use advanced stem cell research to see if scientists can grow Obama some testicles so he might do something forcefull about this, but the mockery sounds easier.

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Random Thoughts

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 8:33 am

I’m all for going at Sotomayor with both barrels as long as we recognize it won’t directly accomplish anything.

Clarence Thomas is a race-traitor since he doesn’t imitate the politics of a rich, white liberal.

Is nominating a Supreme Court Justice a bit like appointing one ninth of a dictator?

With a finite supply of gay marriages in California, I wonder if people who don’t want them anymore can sell them on eBay?

With all this talk of Sotomayor and Prop 8, no one’s congratulating North Korea on their successful nuclear test.

They call a full time job a “9 to 5″, but have you ever known anyone who actually works 9am to 5pm? Who gets paid lunches?

To attack Sotomayor’s legal reasoning is to miss the point of why she was appointed; we need to question whether she is really Hispanic.

If 80% of your decisions are overturned by the Supreme Court, the best way to fix that is to become a Supreme Court Justice.

So is our only hope now to get Iran and North Korea to nuke each other?

Gays marrying could upset the natural balance of things. Gravity might reverse and the earth’s mass would fire us into space. I’m serious, people. Scientists still don’t know how gravity works. It may only function because we don’t allow gay marriage.

If conservatives want to steal the thunder of the Sotomayor nomination, Justice Roberts could reveal that he’s secretly Hispanic.

How do identity politics work? Do I have to be Hispanic to take pride in the Sotomayor nomination, or can I just have a really good tan?

If Obama gets us all killed, I leave my stereo to the highly evolved bird creatures that will dig it up millions of years from now.

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