I’m hate the Twitter. It’s so rude when people do it in meetings, or while having dinner. Or while on the toilet. That’s just gross.
@sarahk47 You said you were going to pick up some more Charmin. I remember you saying that!
@sarahk47 Yes, you did! And I need some!
@sarahk47 Hurry up! My right leg has fallen asleep.
Yay! I’m now following @Jonasbrothers. They are SO cool! I think they’ll follow me back.
My foot itches.
Did you know that if you take a wash cloth, put it over your hand, and rub the soap on it back and forth real fast, you can see an outline of your hand in the wash cloth.
I like pie.
@JTlol My watch says it’s 12:29. I think it’s fast. What time do you have?
I just bought a new poster of Robert Pattinson. I’m taking it to work next week! All the guys will be so jealous.
@andylevy When can I be on your show? I think I could do a better job than Greg.
@greggutfeld When can I be on your show? I think I could do a better job than Andy.
@MichelleMalkin I sent you an email. Did you get it?
I saw a UFO once. Then a rabbit attacked me.
I have an idea for a TV show. A guy buys a an old car. Turns out, it’s really his dead mother. And she speaks through the radio. It’s a can’t miss!
How much wind could a wind breaker break if a wind breaker could break wind?
RT @Jonasbrothers LIVE WEBCAST on FACEBOOK tomorrow at 5PM PDT! Tweet us your questions early here! > http://bit.ly/jRmcu -JB
@bamapachyderm I sent you an email. Did you get it?
For my birthday, I want a pony. And a real one, this time. Not one made of old blankets, sawdust, and bones. Like last year.
Oh, yeah, I forgot. I got a life-size Miley Cyrus made of old blankets, sawdust, and bones for my birthday last year. It was the second best birthday I’ve ever had.
I ate 12 Krystals once. That was for lunch. For dinner, I had 50 hard-boiled eggs, and fought George Kennedy for dessert.
@bamapachyderm You never responded to my email. Don’t worry. I’ll send another one.
I am president of the Charlotte Rampling fan club.
@bamapachyderm What’s your fax number?
Can you use a blackberry in the shower? I heard you can. But if you get it wet, it might stop wo