Random Thoughts
Question on new patient form for dentist: “Do you use alcohol, cocaine, or other drugs? Y/N”
Other questions: “Have you ever received a parking ticket, committed murder, or committed rape? Y/N” “Do you have sex with your spouse, animals, or children? Y/N”
So is the moral of “Jack and the Beanstalk” to not be incredulous of magic bean salesmen? Sounds like a story the Obama administration should really be promoting.
A lot of conservatives don’t seem to like Obama.
Pretty much every problem in society can be linked to childhood obesity.
Mankind peaked when it combined chocolate with peanut butter.
RiffTrax – talking during movies – is yet another art form white people have stolen from the black man.
Argon is hands down the best noble gas.
What best distinguishes man from the chimpanzee is our ability to grow a handlebar mustache.
With all that kryptonite around, Superman should consider carrying a gun as backup.
American cinema would be in disarray if the Chinese never invented the ninja.
For something whose diet consists primarily of fish and berries, a bear has no reason to be that large and menacing.
Microwave is the best radio wave length. This can only be disputed if some other radio wave length could heat up nachos.
Elvis isn’t dead. Elvis never existed.
f judged merely on cuisine, Mexico is the greatest country that ever existed.
“Don’t Fear the Reaper” actually had the proper amount of cowbell.
There is absolutely no point to a bird that can’t fly.
If God didn’t want us to mount rocket launchers on dinosaurs, he would have smote us before we discovered DNA.
Obama is hands down the best black president America has ever had.
1000 years from now when we’re all forgotten, mankind will still look back fondly on the works of Vin Diesel.
It actually took five days for God to make all of creation, but he claimed six for tax reasons.
If robots ever gain sentience, we should stop doing the robot dance as they’ll probably find it offensive.
We’ve become too trusting of our nemesis fire.
I think Wolverine’s opinions on the health care debate should be ignored for obvious reasons.
As much as we make fun of Mars, it has much better moons.
I think the reason so many people claim the Sun as their favorite star is cultural bias.
My favorite cartoon character is Chris Matthews.
The only reason people think the pope is infallible is because of his important-looking hat.
When Formula 1 makes fun of NASCAR, it’s racist.
The revolution probably will be televised, but there will be pundits talking over it the whole time.
Infinitely hot and infinitely dense describes both the big bang and my wife.
It’s Cronkite and the Taco Bell dog now. We need one more.
Personally, I don’t get the Christians or the atheists who think evolution and the Big Bang disprove God.
A vote for Obama is basically a protest vote against the existence of the United States.
There is no birth certificate for Obama in Hawaii. He was not born. He’s a clone! Of Hitler!
Obama: “Maybe Iran isn’t pursuing nuclear weapons. Maybe it just has allergies or something.”
I still have my tonsils. Should I be scared next time I get a check up from my doctor?
What is a tonsil anyway? Maybe greedy doctors just made it up and only Obama is smart enough to figure it out.
Missed the speech because we were hosting Bible study. You know – stuff about the other savior.
Maybe Obama was upset because of a mean doctor that removed his tonsils. Except it wasn’t a tonsillectomy. It was a lobotomy.
Race relations still need work. The other day Obama forgot the White House keys and was arrested as a burglar for prowling around outside.
(23 votes, average: 4.78 out of 5)
Loading ...
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:23 am
You’ve never been attacked by a rooster. Trust me – they have points.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:42 am
Just get a second opinion from a government bureaucrat. That should set your mind to rest.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 am
Michelle Obama, said Barack, as a black man, could get shot just going to get gas (KKK in Hyde Park?) Apparently, BHO agreed and proved it by calling the police stupid last night.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:47 am
FIFY.
Did you realize the accuracy of this statement when you wrote it?
Idi Amin.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:47 am
So you never heard the Fairytale, ‘Barack, The Magic Negro’? It’s been widely promoted in the Matrix Media Complex.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:58 am
Argon, isn’t that a type of sock that they wear at Hahvahd? Argon may be best,Helium, the lightest, Neon, the most useful, Radon, themost feared, but only Krypton give us Superman.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:59 am
If the civilized world looks crazier from a distance, imagine how crazy we look to aliens from space.
(Trust me ussjc, I’m a long way from civilization. But I have satellite internet!)
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 am
It’s Cronkite and the Taco Bell dog now. We need one more.
Please! Please! Please! Let it be michael jackson!
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
What distinguishes man from chimpanzees: Man seems to be satisfied with just kicking the gonads of an adversary; chimpanzees make eunuchs of theirs.>>>Or maybe Chimpanzees are compensating for having a name that ends in ‘panzee’.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:10 am
When Formula 1 makes fun of NASCAR, it’s racist.
Isn’t that kinda like a frenchman making fun of a non-homosexual?
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:21 am
American cinema would be in disarray if they weren’t allowed to make Dads such Doofusses.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
Microwave may be the best radiowave length, but AM radiowaves drive the moonbats crazy( Rush, Glenn Beck, etc.,etc.,…)
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:33 am
I’m pretty certain Ninja’s are a Japanese contribution to American cinema. The Chinese gave us Kung-Fu Theater.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:34 am
Hey, let’s make cell phones, and that Bluetooth-thingy use microwave radiowaves!
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:37 am
I missed the lecture last night but understand that a greedy Dr took my tonsils 50 years ago and I want them back or I want Reparations now!
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:42 am
Flightless birds: Because God knew, not all birds should be able to crap on man from above.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:44 am
Mankind peaked when it combined chocolate with peanut butter.
“These cards are marked!”
“They’re a mess!”
“A chocolate mess!”
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:49 am
Plentyobailouts said:
Seven words: Jimmie Johnson, Kyle Busch, and Kurt Busch.
I’m just sayin’.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:51 am
“Infinitely hot and infinitely dense describes both the big bang and my wife.”
Damn Frank, just when I was really growing to like you, you attempt suicide.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:51 am
“Infinitely hot and infinitely dense describes both the big bang and my wife.”
Uh-oh Frank-Infinite density = infinite mass = infinite weight
You just called SarahK fat, better go into hiding
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:51 am
infinitely dense
That couch must really be comfortable, eh?
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:56 am
I look fondly back on Vin Diesal’s Breakdancing career already; and laugh.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 am
Just a guess, but I think The Blonde With The Gun could produce a Big Bang in Frank’s general direction that keeps him on course. The infinitely dense thing goes both ways, so I’m told.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
Cronkite, the Taco Bell dog, and….Ted Kennedy please.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:16 am
Maybe Obama was upset because of a mean doctor that removed his tonsils. Except it wasn’t a tonsillectomy. It was a lobotomy.
Now thanks to that lobotomy he runs around going Obama smash! Obama destroy America! Dictator Obama friend! Smash! Fire Bad! Sorry America so bad me smash!
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:17 am
I thought the Pope was infallible because of his anti-gravity belt.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
God to Abraham: Circumcise the flesh of your foreskin.>>> Abraham to God: Couldn’t we just take my tonsils out LORD?
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:25 am
Man oh man, now you’re just messing with me.
I saw one I had a problem with, but I let it slide, but the hits just kept on coming.
Microwave is the best radio wave length. This can only be disputed if some other radio wave length could heat up nachos.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever put bread or a bread-like product (tortilla chips for instance) in a microwave.
Well, unless you’re trying to make rubber. Then it’s okay.
And as for this
If judged merely on cuisine, Mexico is the greatest country that ever existed.
All I have to say is “Va fanculo e mange merda mio amico”. (cussing in furrin languags is fun)
But the one that got me the maddest is this
Argon is hands down the best noble gas.
How many times have you seen a pizza parlor advertise in argon? When have you seen “Girls, girls, girls” in argon?
That’s right, neon in the bestest of the noble gases.
Argon is barely as step above radon. Plus, I hate Viggo Mortensen.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 am
“Do you play video games, mind games, or sado-masochistic games? Y/N”
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:34 am
We had dinner at Applebees and a trip to Wal-Mart. Apparently I didn’t miss much. Nobody thought to ask him how enchanting the health care debate has been?!? What gives?
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:59 am
Re. The Pitiful Presidential Plea last night…
We watched. We listened. We looked at each other many times.
We wasted a perfectly good hour when we could have been eating pork and watching in utter amazement our money and country disappear from our own backyard.
I guess the result was the same.
Shun The One.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
“Race relations still need work. The other day Obama forgot the White House keys and was arrested as a burglar for prowling around outside.”
Very similar cases, indeed. The jackass from Harvard was ultimately arrested because he became unglued when asked to provide identification showing he was the legal resident of the house he was standing in, and accused the officer of being racist for asking.
Meanwhile, Obama has also refused to provide the proper identification showing that he is the legal resident of the house he is standing in.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Even better then Clinton?
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Meanwhile, Obama has also refused to provide the proper identification showing that he is the legal resident of the house he is standing in.
Son of Bob, that’s funny.
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Once I was eating out, and realized I had forgotten my wallet. Argon payed for me. I wasn’t even out to lunch with Argon!
July 23rd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Instead of watching that One try to hypnotize the masses last night, I watched Superbad. I think I made a good decision.
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I already pissed your wife off, so I have no comment on this.
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
After all of the aplogies around the world, it wasn’t the tonsils that got removed from Obama. Explains the mom jeans and his hatred of docs.
July 23rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Veeshir:while they are commonly called NEON signs in all actuality very few of them are neon filled. different gasses produce different colors, Argon IS used in “neon signs”
July 23rd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Argon is a gas?! Here all this time I thought the pirates were longin for booty.
Arrr gone…
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
“Obama is hands down the best black president America has ever had” At the rate he is going he will be the ONLY black president this country will ever have!
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:49 pm
At my once-and-current employer, a large three letter company where Idiots Become Managers and I Blame Microsoft, Argon carries the following warning label: DANGER MAY CAUSE RAPID SUFFOCATION AND DEATH WITHOUT WARNING. I kid you not. Meanwhile, the far more “interesting” chemical Hydrofluoric acid carries the warning, “DANGER, CORROSIVE”. So argon must be a very special noble gas to warrant the Death Without Warning moniker.
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Frank: I think I found your out! Dense –to 15th century Greeks meant thick with hair or leaves, so if Sara k has a lot of leaves you’re saved
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
“My favorite cartoon character is Chris Matthews”
I dunno, Olbermann kinda reminds me of Squidward.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
There’s a very simple way to deal with argon inhalation, and that’s to take a few deep breaths standing on your head.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
> There is absolutely no point to a bird that can’t fly.
what if it’s tasty? so much easier to catch.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
midwestconservative, if you’re still here, (actually, even if you’re not)
That proves my point.
If argon were so cool, they would be called “argon” signs.
But they’re called “neon” signs because neon is much cooler than argon.
July 27th, 2009 at 12:26 am
The titan Prometheus gave fire to mankind.
He got chained to a rock and had his liver eaten by a eagle everyday as punishment.
The gnome Algore wants to take fire away from mankind, thus correcting Prometheus’ mistake.
He’s raked in about 100 million dollars so far, proving that the gods (small g) haven’t learned a thing in 4000 years.