Frank practically lives on the TV tropes website, so he almost peed his pants when he found out he’s mentioned. I’ve ever been prouder.

John Hawkins’s poll on health care is up.

Andy Levy (@andylevy) tweeted this as the best local news video ever, and I agree, if you exclude the one of that weather dude flipping his head over a cockroach.

Breitbart: The end to two grim fairy tales.

Sunday’s Dilbert was funny.

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You can really hurt your hand punching a dog in the face because of their big bony snouts. Only punch pugs.

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Democrats are considering naming the health care bill after Ted Kennedy, which is actually kind of appropriate if you think about it.

TOP TEN WAYS THE HEALTH CARE BILL IS LIKE TED KENNEDY

10. It’s bloated beyond belief.

9. Liberals love it while completely ignoring the harm it will do to people.

8. While you’re dying, it will do nothing.

7. It has no concept of morality in its actions.

6. It will only make empty gestures of helping others while primarily being concerned about preserving its own power.

5. People in the Beltway think it’s great, while everyone else is like “WTF?”

4. Death of others considered only a mild inconvenience to it.

3. It’s often incomprehensible.

2. You shouldn’t let it near your daughter.

And the number one way the health care bill is like Ted Kennedy…

(more…)

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There’s a bill out there that could let Obama take over the internet in case of a cybersecurity emergency. For Obama, that probably means something like someone said something bad about him on the internet. Don’t worry, though: IMAO has a contingency plan. If you get us your address, we’ll mail to you postcards of us making fun of stuff in case the internet is shutdown.

Let’s just hope that an emergency won’t cause a government takeover of the mail.

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Liberal commenter to my PJM column called us racist for hating Ted Kennedy. I think that charge just jumped the shark.

Liberal responded saying Ted Kennedy was concerned with “justice.” Must restrain urge to strangle monitor.

Maybe we should name a term limits bill in honor of Ted Kennedy.

I have to get off this Kennedy stuff. It’s actually starting to wear out my faith in humanity.

I can’t believe some people are saying the death of Kopechne was worth it. I thought people like that only existed in the movies.

I missed the funeral. Were they able to roll him back into the ocean, or did they have to use dynamite?

Can I also suffocate a liberal if I promise to be an advocate for progressive causes afterwards? It’s tempting…

Can I strangle someone if I promise not to successfully run for president?

Has anyone polled yet on whether naming the health care bill after Ted Kennedy would be helpful or harmful for it? “You know the fat, philandering drunk who drowned that woman? Here’s what he thought on the issue…”

Lots of conflicting opinions on laser sights on guns. Guess I should just get one and try it out. Better yet, I could get a laser gun.

Actually, is a laser sight on a laser gun apropos or silly?

Maybe in the Fringe universe where the Twin Towers still stand, it was Mary Jo who survived and not Ted Kennedy. Or maybe in that universe the citizens of Massachusetts decided they didn’t want someone who would leave a woman to die to represent them. That would be crazy!

People are now pretty suspicious of get rich quick schemes. I wonder if I could trick people with a get rich slow scheme?

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via Glenn Beck:

[YouTube direct link]

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WASHINGTON (AP) – In a bizarre, rambling internet video, former Cuban President Fidel Castro implored the “extreme right” to stop their constant attacks on American President Barack Obama.

“You’re lucky he even bothers staging town halls for you bastards!”

“How dare anyone out there make fun of Barack after all he’s been through!” wailed a tearful Castro, filming himself beneath a blanket, “His poll numbers are slipping! Fox News won’t even carry his press conferences. He had two kids and his wife turned out to be a political liability who feeds the homeless while wearing $500 sneakers. All you crazy racist right wingers care about is voters and scoring cheap political points off him! He’s a human! What you don’t realize is that Barack’s making the Democrat party a laughing stock and all you do is make a bunch of Joker Socialism posters about him!”

When asked later about his unhinged rantings, a more sedate Castro sheepishly explained that he’d just gotten carried away.

“Look,” he said, “I only meant to say that the extreme right hates him for being African-American. But then I started thinking about the how the racist right will do everything possible to wear him down, the tears flowed, my mascara dripped… not my most Presidential moment. Still, 26 million views on YouTube – TOTALLY worth it!”

Although some pundits speculate that the whole video was staged & scripted to draw attention to a lonely old dictator/attention-whore, Castro reaffirmed that he was deadly serious about defending the American President.

“Leave Barack Obama alone right NOW! I mean it! Anyone who has a problem with him, you deal with ME! Because he’s not doing well getting that bucket off his head.”

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Dude, if you fall off that bike and crack your skull open, you’re not getting it fixed on the taxpayer’s dime.

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Part 1.

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You’ll save yourself time picking out what to eat at a restaurant if you stop reading any menu as soon as you reach the word “nachos”.

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Somehow I’m on Nancy Pelosi’s e-mail list and just got sent this. I wonder if they’re being a bit opportunistic about Ted Kennedy’s death and a bit obtuse of how he’s perceived by the public at large:

I have great news! Ted Kennedy just died! The nostalgia from his death should be just what we need to help pass the health care bill!

The health care bill will ensure that… well, I’m not quite sure what’s in it right now. BUT IT NEEDS TO PASS! That’s why we will now name the bill in honor of Ted Kennedy. Everyone should support it then since they all loved and respected Ted Kennedy as a man of the people if the reaction here in San Francisco is any indication.

Ted Kennedy was a fierce advocate. That means he talked about stuff. Really hard. And a lot. And about liberal stuff. No one else could have done that. Well, I guess about anyone could have done it, but not while being John F. Kennedy’s brother. And that certainly excuses him of whatever silliness it is that right-wing extremists are accusing him of.

So let’s get this health care bill passed for the memory of Ted Kennedy, a great, magnanimous man who in his great and storied life only vomited and passed out on me once. He cared and fought for each and every one of you no matter what… unless he was drunk and scared and felt he needed the night to get himself together. But we all understand that.

Sincerely,
Representative Nancy Pelosi

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No, Senator John Kerry is not as bad as Kennedy. The people he killed probably had it coming.

The way Ted Kennedy continued on in the Senate while everyone acted like that was normal makes me think of Kitty Genovese.

The death of Ted Kennedy is a lot like 9/11 for amoral, callous, partisan shills.

Actually, if someone hit Ted Kennedy with a plane, that would have been so awesome.

Ted Kennedy actually had a dog named Splash? How many enablers did he have to be that callous and out of touch?

The more I think about Ted Kennedy, the more I lose respect for every senator who served with him. I feel bad for ignoring the outrage until now. How does someone like that get to remain as Senator? How do you work with him after what happened? PLEASE EXPLAIN!!

So how many women can you leave suffocating in a car before you lose your feminist credentials?

I’ve never wanted to strangle a liberal more than when I see them try to excuse TK’s crimes because of his years of “advocacy”. WTF?!! 40 years of “advocacy” and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee… well, pre-Starbucks it did.

DECLARATION: Anyone who excuses, or looks up to Ted Kennedy is as morally reprehensible as any overt racist.

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My Pajamas Media column is up in which I try and fail to comprehend how Ted Kennedy had a political career. I still don’t get how anybody could work with that guy and pretend that’s normal.

BTW, I forgot I drew Ted Kennedy is a comic once.

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Wow. $33,000 plus benefits to fight those Astroturfers!

Plus, he stumbles onto the next big conspiracy: BEARS!!!

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Never settle for awesome when you can be super-awesome.

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If Republicans want a winning platform, it should be the anti-useless people platform. It seems pretty much all of the Democrats are career politicians who’ve never accomplished anything in their entire lives yet for some unfathomable reason think they’re smart and should be able to tell us all what to do. The reason people are so mad is their just starting to come to grips with how insane that is. Ted Kennedy’s death just amplifies that; what in his entire life suggests he should even give people advice nonetheless make the rules?

Of course, it’s not like Republican politicians are that great either. So I suggest we pass a new Amendment: The Purge. Every so many years, everyone is thrown out of the federal government and banned from politics. This forces us to get a new government every so often and emphasizes the fact to politicians that politics is a temporary thing and eventually you have to get a real job.

Originally, the government was supposed to be so small and limited it didn’t matter what idiots we gave it to. Since that ideal is pretty much gone, let’s at least police a bit better who we give the keys to the car to. Half the Congress probably couldn’t have gotten a job managing a shift at the local Dairy Queen, and yet their trying to take over anything in the economy they can get their grubby little hands on. It’s crazy, and if the Republicans want to succeed they should just keep pointing out how insane that is.

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I wrote my thoughts for Pajamas Media and hopefully that should be up tomorrow morning. Anyway, here are a couple articles on Kennedy that I thought were worth sharing:

Andrew Klavan

Carl M. Cannon

Leon H. Wolf

The Onion

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In my whole life I hope I don’t do something as stupid and morally blind as a vote to reelect Senator Ted Kennedy.

Ted Kennedy dies and all I feel is this intense anger at Massachusetts. I mean, really, how could they keep electing that guy?

There was just no way of taking Massachusetts seriously while Ted Kennedy was Senator.

Ted Kennedy RIP – A champion of civil rights for everyone not inside his car. He’ll be missed.

Small consolation for Mary Jo Kopechne: Yesterday she got to be a trending topic on Twitter. Would mean more if she lived to see the internet.

Is thinking you shouldn’t be in politics after drowning a woman and fleeing the scene a right-wing Christian extremist thing?

I’ll certainly refrain from saying bad things about him if others who didn’t know him personally refrain from saying nice things. Compromise.

I’ll say this: There was never a more instructive example of what a liberal truly is than Senator Ted Kennedy.

Many who trash Kennedy now are putting politics before decency… but no more so than anyone who voted to reelect him after what he did.

You have to admit, if the worst that comes out of Chappaquiddick is a blemish on Ted Kennedy’s memorial, he got off really easy.

Who did Ted Kennedy run against? Ax murderers? Pedophiles? I feel like I’m in crazy world!

I guess until now I just never came to grips with how absolutely insane the existence of Ted Kennedy was.

Ted Kennedy served in the Army. There’s something he did which is actually a good example to follow.

It’s not the anger at Ted Kennedy that’s political. It’s the lack of anger from others.

They should name the health care bill after Ted Kennedy to remind people how bloated, harmful, and amoral it is.

I don’t want to be an angry partisan, but a man has to know his limitations.

I don’t think liberals quite understand what a giant joke Ted Kennedy was to most Americans.

Say what you want about Ted Kennedy, but the size and shape of his head was quite fascinating.

I’ll promise not saying anything else bad about Ted Kennedy if liberals promise not to resurrect him as a cyborg zombie.

Actual question: Outside of the Beltway and morons in MA, is Ted Kennedy considered anything other than a punchline?

Considering the standard Ted Kennedy set, why should Mark Sanford leave?

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Frank J., despite having a wicked sense of humor, has class. Or as close to what passes for class when it comes to bloggers.

He was no fan of the Edward Moore Kennedy, late of Massachusetts. But, when he got word of Kennedy’s death, he wrote a post where he encouraged his readers to “try to have good memories about (Kennedy) right now. … And try and think of something nice to say about Ted for the comments (no joke).”

While Frank J. decided to allow for kind words about the late Senator, I have no such class.

I heard many say “let’s think about his family.” Well, how far do you go with that? Do you offer condolences to the family of Baitullah Mehsud? Of course not.

And, no, I’m not saying Kennedy was as bad as a Taliban leader. But I think we agree there’s a line. On one side of the line, you put things aside and offer condolences to the family. On the other side of the line, you wonder why they lived as long as they did. Kennedy’s on the “lived too long” side of the line.

But I didn’t intend this to be a rant about how bad of a person Ted Kennedy was. Instead, I offer the other side of Frank’s post: He asked for kind words. I’m asking for Ted Kennedy jokes.

And I’ll start.

But first, here’s the background on this Ted Kennedy joke. I heard it in either July or August, 1969. I had just turned 11, and this was one of the first “naughty” limericks I heard. Shortly after the Chappaquiddick incident, someone shared this with me:

There once was a Senator from Mass.
Who wanted a new piece of a**
He lucked up and found her
He f**ked up and drowned her
Now his chance to be president has passed

If you have a joke about Ted Kennedy, let’s hear it. If it has any naughty words, do clean them up, if possible, or censor them, as I did above.

Bring ‘em on.

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Is there ever a Part 2? Will you ever know the answer to this question?

First. Rachel Lucas visited Auschwitz-Birkenau. You must go read her post about it. Do it now.

Time’s 50 Best Websites 2009. IMAO isn’t on there, so Frank says it’s a bogus list, but maybe you’ll find something to interest you.

Non-randomness in coin tosses. You wanted to know. Or you didn’t. I don’t know, it’s a toss-up. Thank you, I’m here all week, tip your waiter.

Ted Kennedy: Still Not Good

Also check out Google’s trends today. Seems that Teddy K was remembered by most people for one thing.

Gratuitous self-linkage: Splish splash, baby. (Not a post about Ted Kennedy, regardless of the title.)

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