Nice rack on that one zombie.

They both would

You say that like it’s a bad thing. I say we make Robot Zombies and program them to thin the herd for us. So who is the herd that needs to be thinned? See #7 and #13, and toss in Congress as well.

Once that’s done, then we can all take the afternoon off and go to that ball game before going back to work to rebuild America into Conservative utopia.

I possessed undeniable evidence that the CIA has developed vampires who do not have the traditional vulnerabilities. The new strain can endure sunlight and ignore wooden stakes.

A clever DNA modification can also prevent them from even seeing the cross symbol. So they do not fear that either.

But that modification meant they could not detect any cross-shaped weapon directed against them. Field trials proved these new vampires were stopped by dropping a two ton cement cross upon each. Being eternal they live on but the heavy cross makes them immobile. Thus they are no longer a threat.

My dog ate that evidence last night. He has behaved strangely of late and stays under the bed from dawn to dusk.

If you think about it, we’ve already fought wars with pirates (Barbary Coast variety) and with ninjas (WWII).

We beat the ninjas so bad all they do now is figure out how to sneak into robot bordellos and sell all their weapons to American high school students.

It took the pirates like 200 years before they forgot their last butt-kicking and messed with us again and now we’re taking head shots at 200 yards from a pitching boat to a pitching boat instead of just blowing them up. They’re target practice

It’s so cool being an American. I’m very happy I live here.

If zombies rise, Zombie!Reagan could rule forever!

Although it would be difficult to hunt down the opposition. Zombies eat brains and dems just don’t have that particular feature

Now, while each of these would help (especially his Fredness) fighting the zombie hordes, regardless of the weapons we use, the final score will be what it always is:

USA – 1
(Fill-In-The-Blank) – 0

In fact, if we could sucessfully create zombies, we would put a bunch of them in cages and then drop them in places like all over the world so they would finish off the foreigners for us. Then, we would just march in after they’re done doing our dirty work and wipe the zombies out. That would take the better part of the morning after which we would go watch a baseball game or something.

Face it Frank, this is our world. Nobody messes with the USA.

(do they live forever or do they eventually starve?)

They eventually starve without someone to feed on. Same as liberals.

How about your nuclear codes? They’d really come in handy during a zombie apocolypse, because Obama would probably make an executive order for government health care.