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Frank Advice for Life

Posted by Frank J. on September 1, 2009 at 2:03 pm

If you’re being attacked by a midget, the last thing you should do is duck.

(33 votes, average: 4.88 out of 5)

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26 Responses to “Frank Advice for Life”

Texaspartan says:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Just curious… do elevators smell different to midgets?
zzyzx says:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:29 pm
No….only to dwarves!
Veeshir says:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
But what if I want to head butt one?

Should I squat instead?
Deafdog says:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Ironically, if you’re being attacked by a midget, your biggest dangers is being ‘goosed.’
storm1911 says:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:41 pm
If a midget is chasing you, and you stop and bend over, will you be doing an imitation of Obama and the press?
T.N. Amaps says:
September 1st, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Not ‘If’, but ‘When’; if you know what I mean…
IH8Socialist says:
September 1st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
if a midget attacks you just fart in it’s general direction.
Plentyobailouts says:
September 1st, 2009 at 4:15 pm
LOL, midget.

If a midget attacks, give it the “O”sign
DamnCat says:
September 1st, 2009 at 4:57 pm
IH8Socialist – that’s a low blow
Brightness says:
September 1st, 2009 at 5:14 pm
That is why I keep a pole with me – no, not a friend from Poland – a pole for pole vaulting to get away from the attacking midget(s).
BigRichardSmall says:
September 1st, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I wouldn’t worry too much. Midgets don’t exist in the wild and normal society. They’re subjegated to traveling circuses. I know, I came froma a long line of circus midgets. I used to help my grandfather do backflips.
MarkoMancuso says:
September 1st, 2009 at 5:46 pm
When a midget attacks you, the best thing to do is to run as fast as you can. Once you get to a safe distance you can laugh at the midget’s cute little running style. This will further enrage the midget, tiring him out.
shiggz says:
September 1st, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I wouldn’t be surprised if Midgets were actually pretty conservative since they reflexively hate people using the pity/victim card on them. Where are our movies about midget vampires? 2-3 could share a full size human. And could easily travel among us unnoticed but only by kids and dogs. You know like ghosts.

also:
what happened to when Hollywood made funny movies about radiation in the ground making small things super big? Those were simpler times. Since Hollywood isn’t for originality i guess next well have “earth warming makes insects extra large”. Unlike some people here i dont refuse to see movies made by liberals any more then i would refuse to see my nephews 3rd grade play. Im just really proud they did something without mommy government holding their hand. And hopefully didn’t pee themselves.
Son of Bob says:
September 1st, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Just climb a tree. Midgets can’t climb trees.
Dohtimes says:
September 1st, 2009 at 7:44 pm
It is perfectly acceptable to block a punch to the nads with your face though. Maybe not for Frank, since his face is supposed to be his money maker.
Crusty says:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I heard this flat-chested comedienne say a midget stared at her breasts, so she stared at his legs to get even.
4 of 7 says:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:59 pm
#13 – Shiggz,
Midget vampires?
It’s been done – It was called “Ankle Biters”.
It was a ‘released direct to video’ project and a true ‘Golden Turkey’.
I watched about 10 minutes of it just to confirm my suspicion that it Was in fact as bad as I Thought it would be.
ussjimmycarter says:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:08 pm
The worst a midget can do is a punch to the nads. Democrats don’t fear this for obvious reasons so they openly taunt the vertically challenged among us…
TerribleTroy says:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Now thats just nonsense….. why would a midget attack a duck? Or is “midget” the new word for….. thats it you’re ALL RACISTS!
mattm says:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:51 pm
I learned two valuable leason’s today. Never trust a pretty girl or a lonely midget.
Terry_Jim says:
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:57 am
You won’t get attacked for calling them ‘midgets’
if you call them ‘little people’ instead.

Like…

“Say, ‘little person’ could you point your wee shaleighleigh
to where I’ll be a findin’ your pot-o-gold or Lucky Charms?”

See, that’s much better.
Live Free Or Die says:
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:04 am
Quack Quack Waddle Waddle Quack Quack Waddle Waddle
Live Free Or Die says:
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:10 am
If attacked by an adult human of unusually diminuititive proportion, defend yourself, duh.
TerribleTroy says:
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:21 am
Isnt this post just a deviation of “dont punch a dog in the head post”? ……I think Frank is just trying to subtly introduce us to the concept of “level” fighting……
Mikee says:
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Soon to be followed by the posts on “Don’t head-butt a bighorn ram,” “Don’t lie on the ground to fight a snake,” and “Don’t become a complete douchebag to fight with liberals.”

Leveling the playing field is not the way to win a fight.

A fair fight is what makes boxing fun to watch. Winning the fight is what makes Marines fun to watch in wars.
Terry_Jim says:
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Are these bits really “Frank advice for life” or
“Rejected Roger Miller Lyrics”.
Rejected-
Ya can’t duck out of a midget fight.
Ya can’t punch a dog in his big, bony snout.
Ya cant go wrong if you order Nachos.
Ya can’t stop at less than ‘super-awesome’.
Ya can’t read a ‘PrompTer with a bucketed head
Accepted-
Ya can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can’t take a shower in a parakeet cage
Ya can’t go a-swimmin’ in a baseball pool
Ya can’t change film with a kid on your back
Ya can’t drive around with a tiger in your car
Ya can’t go fishin’ in a watermelon patch