How to Identify Racists
I’m thinking that today a lot of people these days don’t know how to properly spot racists. “That’s easy!” some will say, “Just look for white people!” Incorrect! Racists come in all shapes and sizes (except for octagon and venti). Here is what to look for:
* Racists eyes are quite shifty, always darting about looking for things to be racist about.
* If asked a question, a racist will look up and to the left when thinking of a response since the left part of the brains is where racists thoughts come from.
* Racists are constantly drinking water as racism makes you easily dehydrated.
* Racists are scared of fire.
* Racists like shiny things and will often have a cache of them in their burrow.
* Racists often have leg cramps as they don’t get a proper amount of potassium.
* Racist will bite if angered.
If bitten by a racist, make sure to clean the wound thoroughly. Then subject yourself to people of other racists to see if you start to become angry — a sure sign you have now been infected with racism! If you show signs of racism, get to your doctor immediately.
(14 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)
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September 16th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
* Racists are usually seen with German Shepherds.
* Racists usually carry a hose and try to stay near fire hydrants.
* Racists will always turn down a plate of watermelon.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
In my neighborhood they are easy to spot as they all have a big “R” (without the parentheses of course) tattooed on their foreheads.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
* Racists often vote Democrat.
* Racists do not acknowledge the awesomeness of Fred Thompson.
* Racists do not read IMAO.
* Racists may burn easily in direct sunlight.
* Racists are allergic to linoleum, synthetic fiber, right angles, and most American-made products.
* Racists cannot quote from the Bible without stuttering.
* Racists have the overwhelming urge to change the final words of the Pledge of Allegiance to “with liberty and justice for $5.99 plus tax.”
September 16th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
OMG! My leg cramps and huge consumption of water…. dead giveaways!
I’m a freakin’ racist!
September 16th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
“with liberty and justice for $5.99 plus tax.”………….an instant classic, well done Swamper.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Racists have white, brown, black, or yellow skin.
Wait, let me check something.
Never mind; those are RACES, not racists.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Swamper says: Racists do not read IMAO.
I must take issue with that. I am a racists and I read IMAO.
I disagree with the classsless disgrace in the whitehouse — therefore, I am a racist.
I don’t think government should control most things — therefore, I am a racist.
I believe a person should be responsible for their own well being — therefore, I am a racist.
I believe that God is a part of our country and should be part of our lives — therefore, I am a racist.
I believe nancy pelousy is a c* — therefore, I am a racist.
I believe a person has a duty to defend their home and family — therefore, I am a racist.
So, therefore, racists read IMAO.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
heh heh, Frank said potassium.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
If you show signs of racism,
get to your doctor immediately.change your party affiliation from the one whose first syllable rhymes with Demagoguery.September 16th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
* Racists become the senior Senator from West Virginia
September 16th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
* Racists have four sons and name them Joe, John, Bobby, and Ted.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
* Racists believe that no minority could pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel without quotas or help from the government.
September 16th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Racists can be found onstage at awards shows of left-wing entertainment networks, snatching microphones from white girls that win anything.
September 16th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
the “How to Identify Racists” list works too if you replace the word racists with liberals.
September 16th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Racists like to project, that’s how you identify them.
September 16th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
* Racists often use teleprompters to collect their thoughts.
September 16th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
MarkoMancuso says: Racists are usually seen with German Shepherds.
Hey! Although I do often refer to people as “crackers”.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist. Did you have enough? Are you ready to give in to our agenda? We got more and we’re not afraid to use them.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
It’s ok, Javelina. I own a German Shepherd. It’s therefore “our” joke.
September 16th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
* Rascists blame others for what they are guilty of (or is that Liberals)?
* Rascists vote FOR a candidate ONLY BECAUSE OF the color of their skin.
September 16th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
*Rascists usually know how to spell “racist” correctly. I think.
September 16th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Rednecks like NASCAR, which is why they’re considered racists.
September 16th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
I must disagree. Being white is a requirement for racism, just take a look at the front cover of Newsweek. The magazine asks the question “is racism hereditary?” and accompanying the question is a picture of a white baby. Obviously we are left to conclude that babies of color are not inflicted with the “racist” gene.
September 17th, 2009 at 12:35 am
bigDon, yes, I heard today that the study cited did show racism in white babies, and not in others.
Not stated in the radio commentary I heard about the story was whether Newsweak feels that groups like The Congressional White Caucus, The National Association for the Advancement of White People, and La Blanco Raza feed and encourage racism and racial division, and should be discouraged or disbanded.
BTW, Newsweak’s latest cover shows a dangling plug by the cover story “The Case for Killing Granny”.
If you are a subscriber,
pull the plug on Newsweek.
September 17th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Racists like buses…any old bus will do from a cheezy campaign bus to a city bus to a school bus sending kids all over based on the color of their skin.
Racists love quotas… I think they look like this “…” or like something!
Racists love national holidays about skin color
Racists think that black Republicans are dumber than white Republicans which is way dumb compared to them
Racists believe all white Americans are racists against all black Americans are are praying this never changes because this is what keeps them getting out of bed in the morning
Racists believe Uncle Tom is a real person and they don’t like him much
September 18th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Racist tots want a night-light because they Say they’re afraid of “The Dark”.
Racist tots hate Boogie Men, but love Snow Men.
(obvious racist code)