Making Conservatives Less Angry

Posted by Frank J. on September 28, 2009 at 11:01 am

In my latest Pajamas Media column, I give advice on how to make conservatives less angry.

(10 votes, average: 4.90 out of 5)

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13 Responses to “Making Conservatives Less Angry”

1. MarkoMancuso says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 9:29 am

   Want me to be less angry? Get that clown in D.C. on the phone and tell him to send me my free unicorn, free crappy union-made car, and free lifetime supply of Olde English. ASAP.

2. Jimmy says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 9:47 am

   You forgot a common one, Frank:

   Call them Nazis. Nothing works better than completely rewriting history as a matter of public policy. It calms everybody down! When conservatives throw historical fact in your face, just say “Nazi !!”

3. Deafdog (aka Godzilla) says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 10:12 am

   I’d be a lot less angry if a liberal would kindly remove the burr from my foot (my arms are too short to reach it). If the burr is removed, I promise to stop breathing fire on cities.

4. Plentyobailouts says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 2:10 pm

   Now Frank, if they do as you suggest and call us racists, and point out how smart they are, and we get calmed down, what are me and the mob supposed to do? Did ya think of that Frank? When we can’t be angry we are no longer a mob, now we become just another quilting bee. So what? Are we just supposed to go back to work? Go play golf? I don’t know, I am just a stupid conservative after all. Help us Frank!!

5. cjtony97 says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

   I know I would personally calm down if someone would just tell me “The adults are talking”.

6. Live Free Or Die says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

   Have Conservatives stand on their head, that way, their angry frowns will turn to smiles.
   Have Congress pass a Law declaring this to be ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ Biennial
   Promise Conservatives Free Guns, Ammo, and Bibles, but more ‘important’ Legislation comes first.(Like Time-Out Camps for Angry Conservatives)
   Have O-bah-muhh do a ‘Happy Thought Of The Day’ Press Release every day,’til 2010 Elections. Liberals will know if this worked after the Elections.
   When encountering an Angry Conservative, immediately assume the Lotus Position, and begin the Moktar Stealth Chant until achieving invisibility.

7. Ringmaster says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 8:18 pm

   Declare the moon a nuclear free zone.

8. marvin says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 9:22 pm

   Hopefully fark doesn’t link this one.

   On a side note, there is a story on fark about the link between insanity and being artsy creative. All the fark commenters are having a frank discussion about how their medications are missing with their creativity. It is the only serious thread I have ever seen on Fark.

9. Son of Bob says:
   September 28th, 2009 at 11:36 pm

   Every time they say that the age-old American ideals that have made this country great are now “dangerous viewpoints” held by right-wing extremists it wins me right over to their socialism.

10. seanmahair says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 1:46 am

    Of course lib’s could always remove the cancer of humanoid life form from the planet and return it to it’s pre-homo sapien glory…but only if they promise to go first. That might make some people happy ……..but not me.

    I just love people. (don’t make it weird)

11. Anon Y. Mous says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 2:11 am

    That’s an excellent picture of you accompanying your article. You should use that one all the time.

12. John Masters says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 8:22 am

    A huge congratulations on this article being linked PROMINENTLY on Hot Air Tuesday morning!

13. BigRichardSmall says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    Now you need to come up with a plan on how not to make your 2 radical left wing commenters at Pajamas Media less angry. But I guess if they didn’t get angry with your articles, then I guess you wouldn’t be doing your job.

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