Obama’s Secrets: Revealed!
Christopher Andersen’s new book, “Barack and Michelle: Portrait of an American Marriage“, exposed numerous previously undisclosed secrets about President Barack Obama. Here’s just a tiny sample:
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* He isn’t actually black. He’s off-umber.
* Didn’t “pal around” with Bill Ayers, having never been officially promoted beyond “comic-relief sidekick”.
* Despite all the rumors swirling around, he really WAS the first black Czar of the Harvard Law Review.
* Mindless of the threat to national security, never – ever – even once, has he coughed into his elbow.
* Didn’t propose to Michelle until three years after he met her because he was saving up for a downpayment on a teleprompter.
* Tragically, he inherited his basketball skills from his mother’s side.
* Diagnosed with PTSD after killing that fly.
* Doesn’t understand those “secret Muslim” accusations, since five times every day he faces Mecca, kneels on his mat, and prays to Jesus.
* While negotiating with Hillary Clinton to end her primary campaign, got her to settle for the Secretary of State position instead of her original demand of “taking Bill on a tour of Chappaquiddick”.
* Once had a clogged sink full of dirty water. Bailed it out. Been a big fan ever since.
Anyone else who’s read the book, feel free to fill in anything I missed.
(15 votes, average: 4.93 out of 5)
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September 24th, 2009 at 10:16 am
* Had an MRI brain scan after becoming president and when viewing the new brain image, the attending medical staff gasped in horror, “No change!”
September 24th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Was really popular with the girls in his elementary school and high school because he threw just like them.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:31 am
* First got a bucket stuck on his head during a kegger at Harvard with Noam Chomsky and Ayers.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:32 am
* Is actually one of Frank J. Fleming’s multiple personalities.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:34 am
* Developed his economic theories by reading The Communist Manifesto backwards.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am
just recently discoved to have dyslexia. “Dang no wonder I thought everything was going good!”
September 24th, 2009 at 10:36 am
* Once tinted his bathroom mirror pink so he could see his race correctly.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:40 am
* Once tried to negotiate with a bloodthirsty regime that was killing its own citizens.
Oh, that’s right. Nevermind.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Ya know, judging by that picture, I’m going to go ahead and add “dyed his hair black during the campaign to appear more vigorous and youthful.”
September 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Harvey:
Thanks a lot. I laughed so hard I got chewing gum on the wall. ServPro will be sending you a bill.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Basil – If it was Stride gum, you may have just saved yourself from being the victim of a goat attack.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Is he picking his ear, or tuning the hidden satellite dish disguised as an ear?
September 24th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
*He was suprised when he bought a can of coke and all that came out was a dark sweet bubbly syrup.
September 24th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
He’s the only “black” man in the world that can neither play sports or dance.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Michelle placed a Ceti Eel in Barack’s ear, rendering him extremely susceptible to outside suggestion.
Unfortunately for Michelle, the Ceti eel starved inside Barack’s cranium.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Is still trying to work up the nerve to eat a Grand Slam Breakfast.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Barack always won the ‘Who Can Insert The Q-Tip The Farthest?’ Game.
September 24th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I had to check if this was a Frank J post; it’s definitely on his level. You’ve come a long way since you first joined, Harvey. Good stuff!