Arnold Schwarzenegger tweeted this yesterday:

I hear a lot of stories about the creative ways people are making it through hard times, starting businesses, etc. Tell me your stories.

Well, here are some of the creative ideas I’ve heard from some of my friends:

* Growing illegal narcotics.

* Bank robbery.

* Dog-fighting ring.

* Photocopying money on high-quality color photocopier.

* Sending unsolicited e-mail to millions of people advertising cheap prescription drugs.

* Murdering hobos and selling their organs.

* Threatening to set off all the world’s volcano’s with a nuclear weapon unless given one million dollars.

* Spending hundred of billions of dollars on random crap (yeah, I’m friends with Barack Obama; he’s a nice guy if you get to know him).

* Blogging

So what creative ways are you using to get through hard times?

To a post entitled “Fun Facts About Mexico” that Harvey wrote back on May 9th. Name used was “angry”:

wtf why are u dissing the obamas

Why indeed. Welcome to the internets, angry.

Christopher Andersen’s new book, “Barack and Michelle: Portrait of an American Marriage“, exposed numerous previously undisclosed secrets about President Barack Obama. Here’s just a tiny sample:

Discovered at age 7 that he didn’t actually need a magic feather to fly around the circus tent.

* He isn’t actually black. He’s off-umber.

* Didn’t “pal around” with Bill Ayers, having never been officially promoted beyond “comic-relief sidekick”.

* Despite all the rumors swirling around, he really WAS the first black Czar of the Harvard Law Review.

* Mindless of the threat to national security, never – ever – even once, has he coughed into his elbow.

* Didn’t propose to Michelle until three years after he met her because he was saving up for a downpayment on a teleprompter.

* Tragically, he inherited his basketball skills from his mother’s side.

* Diagnosed with PTSD after killing that fly.

* Doesn’t understand those “secret Muslim” accusations, since five times every day he faces Mecca, kneels on his mat, and prays to Jesus.

* While negotiating with Hillary Clinton to end her primary campaign, got her to settle for the Secretary of State position instead of her original demand of “taking Bill on a tour of Chappaquiddick”.

* Once had a clogged sink full of dirty water. Bailed it out. Been a big fan ever since.

That Qaddafi guy is a conspiracy-loving nutjob. I wonder if he’d be interested in the Green Jobs Czar position?

Before the U.N., crazed dictators had to just satisfy themselves by ranting into the mirror

Does the U.N. really need to give crazy people an international platform to rant? Can’t they just get a blog now?

I think most of our societal ills can be traced to when the public decided it was morally okay to go outside hatless.

I wonder if lemmings will ever decide to sue humans for defamation of character; they could be joined by the ostrich and the “boiling” frog. “I don’t care if we make great political analogies! It’s just not true!”

I like Obama today. I guess it’s seeing Qaddafi and Dinnerjacket; Obama seems like George Washington in comparison. Perspective is good.

Anyone who exaggerates is like Hitler times a million.

I’m no C3PO, but I’ll bet this gesture is considered obscene in a lot of backwards countries that don’t speak English.

Have you seen the video of the school children being taught to sing a song praising the leader of their country?

No, not in North Korea.

No, not in Mao’s China.

No, not in Saddam’s Iraq.

No, not in Hitler’s Germany.

But in the United States, in this day and time…

[YouTube link]

I wish this was a joke.

The good news? It is. If you voted for Obama. Because if you voted for Obama, the joke’s on you.

UPDATE: Fox News and CBS News are on the story. As, now, are overseas news outlets.

A penny saved is pretty pointless. Pennies are worthless. You’ll get much more value out of them chucking them at squirrels.

A liberal blogger pointed out what we all basically knew, that Democrats only supported the war in Afghanistan out of political calculation. So all that talk of Bush going to war for less than honorable intentions was really just projection.

But if Democrats don’t even honestly support a war when America was directly attacked, when would they ever approve of a war? Well, looking at when liberals legitimately get angry, here are things that could motivate them to start a war:

* Asking a tough question of president Obama.

* Giving aid or comfort to an attractive woman who is a conservative.

* Questioning how smart they actually are.

* Putting a plastic bottle in with regular trash.

* Suggestions of America’s exceptionalism.

* Being mean to terrorist masterminds.

* Mentions of God.

* Pointing out the extreme liberal bias in the media.

* Israel defending itself.

* Disagreeing with them. On anything.

Every time there’s a flashback to guy driving a car, he’s always listening to a song from that year. No oldies stations in the past?

Is there an industry with higher income disparity than acting? What’s the average income there versus the top earners

Scribblenauts is fun. I had Cthulhu kill a hippie. Then I shot him with a rocket launcher.

Rich Galen of Mullings observed:

“You tell ‘em Secretary Soggy Sleeves!”

If a Republican were the Secretary of Health & Human Services and, as part of the national effort to control swine flu had given the advice to “cough into your elbow” that would have been the national joke for the ensuing six weeks.

And he’s absolutely right.

Comedically speaking, there’s no difference between “plastic wrap & duct tape” and “cough into your elbow”. They’re both serious advice for real problems that can be very easily taken out of context.

For example:

“Where are you more likely to hear the phrase ‘plastic wrap & duct tape’: a Department of Homeland Security Briefing, or an episode of Dexter?”

and

“Overheard in the Clinton Oval Office: ‘I wouldn’t have been impeached if I’d done that into my elbow’”

Anyway, I encourage people to reduce this administration to a tasteless punchline whenever possible, so make today “_______ your elbow” day.

To get you started, I recommend adding the phrase “in your elbow” after every fortune cookie fortune you read. For example:

* “Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later.”

* “Something you lost will soon turn up.”

* “A pleasant surprise is in store for you.”

* “You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.”

* “Look for new outlets for your own creative abilities.”

* “Smiling often can make you look and feel younger.”

* “You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.”

* “A thrilling time is in your immediate future.”

* “Plan for many pleasures ahead.”

* “A secret admirer will soon send a sign of affection.”

* “Love always and deeply.”

In my latest Pajamas Media column, I detail some of the other sting operations O’Keefe and Giles tries with ACORN other than pimp and prostitute.

When life gives you lemons, ask to see the receipt to make sure life didn’t shoplift them. Basically what I’m saying is that life is a liar and a thief so don’t trust it or its free gift of lemons.

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Tons of entries again this week. You folks make my job SO easy.

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

WARNING! – Complimenting the creators of these captions in the comments only encourages their bad behavior!

From AlanABQ:

From Bassguy:

From Billy Dee:

[reference link]

From GEBIV of There’s One, Only!:

From MarkoMancuso:

From Peregrine John:

Also from Peregrine John:

[reference link]

From phreshones:

From Robert:

From Sandy:

From Shabba:

Four from Steve:

I know it was used in a caption contest recently, but people have already started using it for submissions. When in Rome…

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

I thought Obama had a good response to Letterman when asked if he thought opposition to his agenda was racist: “I was actually black before the election.” Obama knows it’s smart to play down the racism angle, as it’s a huge loser for Democrats. In the future, people might actually be more hesitant to elect a black president (or, at least, a Democrat one) if they feel that means they can’t ever disagree with him without being called racist.

A lot of the opposition Obama now faces is because Obama obviously doesn’t know what he’s doing, has a number of crazy radicals in his staff, and is hugely liberal. The thing is, I thought everyone also knew before election that Obama was inexperienced, hangs with crazy people, and is a socialist. So apparently a lot of people don’t pay attention during the campaign if that all caught them by surprise, so maybe a lot of people didn’t know Obama was black. Maybe the country is just as racist as some people say, and with all of Obama’s recent TV appearances, people have finally seen him for the first time and exclaimed, “What?! The president is black?! I thought Barack Obama was a Swedish name! Well, now I’m going to vociferously oppose everything he is for, because I don’t like the black people.”

Just something we should consider.