THE LORD OF THE LEFT WING – Part I

Posted on September 6, 2009 10:15 pm

Since Harvey saw fit to share his version of the Eye of Sauron earlier today, I figured I’d take this opportunity to repost this little piece of satire from America is an Obamanation! that received very little attention when I posted it over there. I think it deserves a wider audience and I hope you agree…

THE LORD OF THE LEFT WING

by Erik Nolt, Jr.

BOOK I – THE FELONSHIP OF THE QUISLINGS

This story is largely concerned with habits… bad voting habits… and from its paragraphs a reader may (with any luck) discover much of their own character and a little of their own history.

CHAPTER I: A Long, Expensive Party

Long ago, in the eastern region of Morpork, there dwelt in the fiery depths of Mount Dumb in the heart of the ancient city of Wasting-Tons, a great and powerful evil necromancer known as Lord Soros. It was here within his evil volcano lair that he set about a plot to take over all of the once proud land of Belittled Worth.

Belittled Worth
Map of Belittled Worth

To accomplish this end, he needed an army — An army of mindless dolts who would bend easily to his will and would not be tempted by conscience to stray from his mission of darkness. And so it was that he constructed his own soldiers by fusing the DNA of several lowly creatures, each selectively bred for the worst of their traits.

Eye of Soros
The Eye of Soros

He began, appropriately enough, with demons, selected for their lack of morals and pure wickedness, as well as their slyness and ability to easily possess the souls of mortal men and to tempt them into evil deeds with their glib tongues.

Next, he selected the orcs, twisted, ugly and fierce warriors capable of great cruelty.

Then, common sewer rats, cunning and sneaky and adept at spreading pestilence and disease, and laying waste to whole cities.

Finally, he threw in the essence of ticks, parasitic blood-sucking insects, as a final touch.

To celebrate the birth of this new lifeform, the evil Lord Soros threw a party in their honor, a party so infamous for its immense cost, sheer excess and unbridled debauchery, the mere mention of it will forever fill good men with the urge to vomit… and so it was that the Demon-Orc-Rat-Tick Party was born… and continues to this very day… and all of us have been stuck with the bill!

Blarney Fink
Blarney Fink (D – Massahugedebts)

Over the years, even as the endless celebration of all things wicked and depraved continued unabated, some folks shortened the name of this nightmarish cauldron of malevolence to the “Democrat” Party. Many of its witless worshipers, however, insisted on the more formal “Democratic” Party, arguing that the former ignored the blood-sucking parasite portion of their ancestry, something of which they were, surprisingly enough, quite proud. To this day, there are those that continue to try, stubbornly, to drop that pesky last syllable in spite of the protests, but find, much to their chagrin, that you can never quite manage to get the “ic” out of the Democratic Party.

To be continued…

NOTE: For those that may be curious, I already have the artwork ready for Part II and hope to come up with some fitting story content to go with it soon.

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17 Responses to “THE LORD OF THE LEFT WING – Part I”

  1. slapout says:

    Demon-Orc-Rat-Tick Party – I lol’d at that! Great stuff.

  2. biolysis says:

    This is literary gold.

  3. zzyzx says:

    Ah yes….Massahugedebts other wise known as Taxachewshits. Once a bastion of rebellion against the tyranny of the evil king….and now just another soulless bastion of left wing political correctness.

  4. zzyzx says:

    Hey….is that a photo of Barney Frank without his makeup?

  5. innominatus says:

    Hopefully yours goes better than the LoTR parody I tried to do. It started out decent, but then, well, ya know…

  6. seanmahair says:

    I really, really, really like it.

    Tolkien is most probably rolling oven in his grave but then so are the founding fathers so he has plenty of company. O’slama is a equal opportunity offender so………….

  7. Sean G says:

    This post is full of win! May be right up there with Nuke The Moon!

  8. MarkoMancuso says:

    So long as it ends with Ed Rendell being thrown into the fire of Mount Doom, I like it.

  9. Harvey says:

    I was hoping you’d post this here.

    One of your best works ever.

  10. Ernie Loco says:

    That is fricking amazing! I love the map.

  11. 4 of 7 says:

    Rush’s Deep.
    I like it!

  12. ussjimmycarter says:

    Hey…I live Scandalavia! We are the Soviet Socialist States of Communist Liberal Scandalavia!!! Get your facts straight!!! We sent a muslim and an unfunny comic to the congress! (hangs head in shame…)

  13. Socrates H. O'Troll says:

    This is great stuff.

    However, conscience will not permit me to ignore a flaw in the introduction. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is not, strictly speaking, a satire, but more on the lines of a parody. A satire reserves its sting for the object being pilloried, but here the underlying work is used more as an allegory than a foil.

    So: parody, not satire. Let’s watch that.

  14. Nunya says:

    The map is classic, but is it sposed to be “Flyoverland”? If so, “Flyverland” is misspelled.

  15. Mr. Right says:

    Socrates, you may have a point, but what is the point of your point?

    Nunya, the misspelling is intentional. Or should that be the mizpeling is intenshunal? Damned pubic skool educashon!

  16. RightWingKiller says:

    Lord, I am witness to a true effing masterpiece!
    I almost pissed myself laughing.
    Mr. Right, you have won much Respect and Honor. I can’ty wait for the rest of the story.
    This should be made into one of the Lego animations for YouTube!

  17. 4 of 7 says:

    #5 – innominatus,
    You piqued my curiosity so I checked it out on your site.
    Limdalf’s explaination for his disapearance after his battle with the Taxrog was brilliant!

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