Frank Advice for Life
If you find a box on your doorstep labeled “Free Badger”, don’t open it; there could be a badger inside.
(21 votes, average: 4.86 out of 5)
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October 20th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
It’s possible, however, that the box could contain mushrooms or snakes. I don’t like mushrooms, but snakes can be used to eliminate your enemies (and their annoying Dachshund that never stops barking). Therefore, I disagree with Frank.
Badgers are harmless anyway. Just ask the Iowa Hawkeyes.
October 20th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I dunno. With a label like that, it sounds more like it should be a bumper sticker.
October 20th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Instead squint your eyes and say, “Badgers?! BADGERS!?…We don’ need no stinkin’ BADGERS!”
October 20th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Marko…watch it with the anti-dachshund crap bucko! Ironically, wienerdogs were bred to hunt badgers (its a myth that they were bred to hunt squeaky toys).
October 20th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Who’s Badger and why is he in Jail?
October 20th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
That’s Mumia…RACIST!
October 20th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
SarahK must NOT open th box under any conditions. She will badger you.
October 20th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
How can the badger be free if is captive in a box?
Suppose they fool you and write “free bacon” on the box?
What happen if the box is labled “Free Badger”, you don’t open the box, and it was actually bacon?
October 20th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Be advised that the box that says “Free Willy” might also have scary contents.
October 20th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
But the box is TELLING me to FREE THE BADGER!!! Do I listen to you or the box?!?! The box makes a convincing argument.
October 20th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Thanks, Frank.
What if the box is labled, “Cheap Badgers,” “Moderately Priced Badgers,” or “Priceless Badgers?”
Same advice, or can we see what’s inside?
October 20th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
This is pretty sound advice, although I must admit I’ve never actually heard of anyone finding a box on their doorstep marked “Free Badger”. However, I have heard of people finding a burning brown paper bag on their doorstep….’specially on Halloween eve. Here’s some more sound advice….don’t stomp on it!
October 20th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Badger? Wasn’t that one of the Soviet Union’s front line delivery system of nuclear weapons? It makes sense now. Delivered to your door by the cultist followers of mmm mmm mmm
October 20th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
TNSTAAFB.
October 20th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
…so if I see a “Free Tibet” or “Free Mumia” sticker on a car, can I open the car and get a free Tibet or Mumia? If the car has both stickers, do I get both?
October 20th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
We had a dachshund named Baron when I was a kid.
He used to chew the shells off golfballs and then bark at them when the rubberbands inside snapped and hit him in the nose.
We never had any trouble with badgers while he was around.
October 21st, 2009 at 12:54 am
I saw a sign that said “Free Manure”. Didn’t even realize he was in prison…
October 21st, 2009 at 1:55 am
Surprisingly, badger tastes very much like chicken…or so I’m told.
October 21st, 2009 at 7:03 am
If the Badger is in there and you open the box, just roll him over and rub his belly. They like that…alot!
October 21st, 2009 at 12:48 pm
If you receive an email with an attachment “Picture of Nancy Pelosi”, don’t open it. It might contain a picture of Nancy Pelosi.
October 21st, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I agree. If Badger is in need of freeing, he should stay put. I mean, after he humped Mal on that salvage job, then held the crew hostage on the cattle smuggling operation, he totally deserves to be stuck in that box. Stupid Badger.