Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate

Posted on October 19, 2009 1:02 pm

Okay, so Gert Wilders goes to the UK, and he’s met with Muslim protesters holding up signs saying, “Islam Will Dominate the World: Freedom Can Go to Hell” and “Shariah the True Solution: Freedom Go To Hell”.

Not a great marketing strategy.

Not a great marketing strategy.

Now, they got nice, professional-looking, printed-out signs, yet they still don’t really have any better a concept of how to win friends and influence people than does the average Kos Kid. Do they really expect people to walk by and say, “That’s a great idea about freedom going to hell; I’m going to join Islam!” or “Wow! Whatever those angry, stupid, violent people are into, I totally want to be a part of that!”

They need better marketing!

Here are some of my sign ideas:

“Islam Will Dominate the World… and Your Heart”

“Shariah the True Solution for Family Fun”

“Shariah for the Netherlands; Ice Cream for the Children”

“The Modern World Is Scary; Join Islam and Help Us Yell at It”

“Down with Infidels; Up with Fun Beards”

“You Know How the Dog Is Scared of the Vacuum? Freedom Is Our Vacuum”

“Give Islam a Try; First Prayer Mat Is Free”

“Join Islam; How Great Could Bacon Possibly Be?”

Next, someone needs to write them a catchy jingle!

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45 Responses to “Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate”

  1. Crusty says:

    A muslim co-worker once complained that he was frequently being selected for “special screening” at airports. I said, well, if you guys would stop BLOWIN’ STUFF UP…

  2. Guffy Conservative says:

    (To the tune of Fill My Cup Up)

    Fill my vest up and kill the infidels.
    Fill my vest up and let it blow them up.
    Fill my vest up and let it overflow.
    Let it overflow with death.

  3. Jeff says:

    Islam’s new jingle: (To the tune of “The Jefferson’s” theme)

    Well, we’re movin’ on up, to Islam
    Where we like to blow shit up with a bomb.
    Mo-ovin’ on up, to Islam
    We’re growin’ our beards way too long.

    Blow Jews up on the buses,
    Blow Christians up in the mall.
    Took a whole lotta tryin’
    Still haven’t killed them all

    We still live in Stone Age,
    Sleepin’ in a cave at night.
    As long as we live, we’ll kill infidels,
    With Allah’s great reward in sight.

    Well, we’re movin’ on up, to Islam
    Where we like to blow shit up with a bomb.
    Mo-ovin’ on up, to Islam
    We’re growin’ our beards way too long.

  4. DamnCat says:

    “Embrace Shariah: no more women drivers!”

    “Islam promises: no middle class tax increase!”

    “Sharia: what are you worried about, you’re not gay…right?”

  5. cjtony97 says:

    “Imagine no religion….but Islam”

  6. Deafdog says:

    How about a theme song sung to the melody of “The Brady Bunch” theme song:

    Here’s the story, of a man named Allah,
    Who bonked boys and would kill by throwing stones.
    The Sunnis liked to stone the the Shia,
    But they were all alone.

    It’s the story, of the non-believers,
    Allah named them ‘the infidels.’
    They had freedoms and seemed to like them
    And they ate Bacon

    Till the one day when the Sunnis bombed the infidels,
    And they knew it was much more than a hunch.
    That this group would somehow form a jihad
    That’s the way we became the Allah Bunch.

    {OK. It ain’t perfect, but it’s still a little bit funny}

  7. Silhouette says:

    Tired of protesting with women? Join Islam for segregated protests…and restaurants, and worship, and school, and swimming pools …

  8. Thor says:

    Muslim Joke book:

    Two Jews walked into a bar. They sat down at the bar and my cousin Jamil ran in, screamed something indistinguishable and blew everything up!


    I’d like to think they’d all either blow themselves up and be done with it, or else someone would get it in their head that self-exploding isn’t a good idea, and the idea would go viral. After a week or two, they’d all come to the same conclusion: “Blowing up sucks”.

    The end of Islam.

  9. Nunya says:

    And they expect us to believe that “Islam is the Religion of Peace”?

    Uh huh. Maybe if they actually Did Something Peaceful, but we wouldn’t want them to do anything against their religion…

    (@ #1: perfect comeback!)

  10. Silhouette says:

    If I were them, I wouldn’t bring up the bacon thing. Bacon is single-handedly keeping millions of would-be vegetarians in the carnivore camp.

  11. MarkoMancuso says:

    * “FREEDOM GO TO HELL! Also, vote Obama!”
    * “Shariah! Like Mariah, only more ethnic!!!”

  12. innominatus says:

    In the name of the prophet, I issue a fartwa in your general direction!

  13. Silhouette says:

    Eh, at least the posters weren’t printed in Comic Sans.

    /always say something nice

  14. IMAO Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate « SCAAC links:

    […] by guffyconservative on 10/19/2009 Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate [Islam Sign Ideas]: “Islam Will Dominate the World… and Your […]

  15. Jimmy says:

    You women! Dress for Islam – with fashion sense!!!

    Burka burka burka.

  16. Plentyobailouts says:

    LOL — Did anyone else notice who took the picture?

    shariah is the solution! — free car wash with suicide bombing!

    islam will dominate — 72 virgins with martyrdom

    islam makes the best bombs this side of the Pecos!

  17. Charon says:

    We should start spreading the word that thermite explodes with more force than… whatever the crap they’re duct taping to their life jackets. Then when one of these batsh** loonies finally tries it and immolates himself instead of exploding, we can all laugh and roast marshmallows.

    To the Meow Mix jingle:
    Allah Akbar
    Stoning bombing Fatwa Jihad

  18. Hwuu says:

    That rally needs a counter protester running a “Bacon for Jesus” booth.

    Slogans include:

    “Choose Freedom, Choose Bacon”

    ” In HELL there is no BACON”

    “Smell the smell of hickory smoked freedom”

    “What good does Shariah law do if she is not cooking bacon?”

    “Our religion is Tastier than Your religion”

    “God Loves you and has a wonderful plan for your Cheeseburger”

  19. Tbone1128 says:

    The only thing better than the photo credit is the google ad for Muslim Singles at the top of the page. (At least it was there when I got to this page.)

  20. MarkoMancuso says:

    Are you lusting after your co-worker’s breast milk? If so, please take our contact information.

  21. Dohtimes says:

    “IED’s Are Da Bomb!!!. (For the chicken $hit jihadist.)”

    “You Hate Freedom? Try Islam. First Five Minutes Are Free (After a small down payment of your life which will be non-returnable.”)

  22. Ernie Loco says:

    “Embrace Shariah: no more women drivers!”

    Wow, that’s a dang good reason. Maybe we’ve been too hasty in condemning sharia law.

  23. Keith says:

    I don’t see anything wrong with this protest. I fully support their desire for the freedom to go to Hell.

    In fact, I’d encourage it, along with their freedom to drag their sorry asses back to Durkadurkastan and live in the seventh century while they wait.

  24. davis,br says:

    Found on bathroom stall in SF

    ISLAM WILL DOMINATE THE WORLD …please call Islam at 666-0666 for a real good time.

  25. Terry_Jim says:

    Respect Islamic Property Rights!!

    Islamic terror- It’ll put a smile on your neck!

  26. mojo9 says:

    I-blam, You-blam, we all blam for Islam!

  27. zzyzx says:

    Ha! Good one innominatus. I believe the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch could have been put to good use at this gathering of the unwashed.

  28. Stephen says:

    Jingle: “Byyyyy Allah!” (Hey, it worked for George Costanza!)

  29. Live Free Or Die says:

    ” Islamic Suicide Hotline, if your vest is armed, press 1 for BOOM.”
    Butt bombs: Islam’s win-win solution to ghey terrorizts:
    Islam declares bras deceptive: free deception checks now available:,2933,568200,00.html
    And You Shall Know Sharia, And Sharia Will Set You Free ( Submit Now!)
    Islam: We’re Against Gun Safety:

  30. Dohtimes says:

    I looked under the burka and what did I see
    A sight to shrink a man’s weewee
    So give me something to strap to my chest
    Some hand grenades or a splodey vest
    I’ll blow myself up and Allah be willing
    Find some infidels that need a killing
    I’ve seen hell with my own eyes
    A face of a goat and fat hairy thighs
    After you stone her let me ease my pain
    With my limbs and innards falling like rain

  31. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Pork, it’s what’s not for dinner.

    How many Muslims does it take to paint a room?

    One if you pack him with enough explosives.

    “He had been barred in February amid fears he would incite violence by showing his controversial film linking the Koran to terrorism.” (how is something that is 100% true “controversial”?) I guess it’s one of those ‘inconvenient truths’….

    So….how about they bar the terrorists Muslims who don’t seem to need an excuse for violence? If there was no one there to incite, there wouldn’t be any violence, problem solved!

    To quote Michael Savage (still banned from England) “liberalism is a mental disorder”

  32. innominatus says:

    Dohtimes – nicely done. Would make a great campfire song to sing at the Junior Jihadi Jamboree.

  33. Nunya says:

    Taking a stab at more slogans:

    “WWIRBD…What Would Islamic Rage Boy Do?”

    “Islam…oppressing women for fifteen centuries”

    “Goats…when all of your slave-wives say no”

    “If Muhammad is wrong, we don’t wanna be right”

    “Proud sponsor beneficiary of the U. S. Democratic Party”

  34. MDr says:


    Polanski lustily approves Mohammed’s choice/age of wives

    Why waste your time on this veil of tears; shorter life = sooner “fulfillment”

    Islam – the original Communism – kill it, enslave it, or tax it

    Contrary to infidel propaganda, not all the 72 virgins are camels, goats, and young boys

  35. Delacon says:

    (To the tune of the Banana splits theme song)

    One islamist, two islamists, three islamists, four
    Four islamists make a cell and so do many more.
    Over hill and highway the islamists bombs go
    Comin’on to bring you the blown to bits show

    Makin’ up a mess for fun,
    makin’ up a mess for fun
    Lots of death for everyone
    Alla la, Alla la la
    Alla la, Alla la la
    Alla la, Alla la la
    Alla la, Alla la la

    Four islamists, three islamists, two islamists, one
    All islamists playin’ in paradise’s sun.
    Flippin’ like a pancake, shooting many guns
    Abdul, Ali, Amir an’ sons.


  36. Swamper says:

    A Muslim walks into a bar.

    The bar explodes before anything funny can happen.

  37. trichter says:

    Islam already has a hit jingle….Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons “Shariah (Baby)”

  38. 5 of 7 says:

    I heard a jingle about a fellow named Abdul Abullbull Ameer once, but it might need some work.

  39. Son of Bob says:

    I keep forgetting. Are the Muslims the ones that wear the crosses, the stars or the bombs?

  40. Scott in OC says:

    “I scream, you scream, we all scream for Shariah!”

    AAiiieeee-AAAieeeee-AAAAAiiiieeee-AAAAiiiiieeeeee!!!!!!!!! Allah Akbar!!!

  41. storm1911 says:

    Join Islam, get s free blow up doll.

    Islam, it will blow your socks off.

    Islam is da bomb!

    Islamic women are so hot they make reat bbq bukaettes!!

    Islam, a religeon only Obama or Polanski could love!

    You’ll like sharia law so much you’ll lose your head !!

  42. James says:

    Raise your Hand if you like Sharia! *
    (*50% margin of error for counting of theives)

    Islam, why wait for virgins when you can buy them now?

    Islam, it’s teh besto!

    Holy Quran, The most perfect book evah! Especially the parts that are more perfect than the other parts that are replaced by things that more perfectly come later.

    Islam, It’s all the Rage!

  43. DesertElephant says:

    I was really going to mock the idiot splodeytard protesters until I followed the link, saw how goofy and retarded they looked, and realized God was already mocking them. He’s much better at it than me,.

  44. saveacountryeatalib says:

    Islam, indoctrinating youth and ruining lives for centuries, come join the fun!!!

    Whatever happens within Islam stays within Islam cause we blow the sh!t out of it.

    Is that an IED in your pants, or are you just happy to be stupid?

    Islam, let the good times roll (like your eyeballs on the floor after your bomb splodes).

    Man, your wife is a ston(ed to death) fox.

    Believers special: Join Islam now and receive two goats and a tube of KY.

  45. 4 of 7 says:

    “The modern mind is hard to please; and it generally calls the way of Godfrey ferocious and the way of Francis fanatical. That is, it calls any moral method unpractical, when it has just called any practical method immoral.”
    – G.K. Chesterton, St. Francis of Assisi.

    (Godfrey wanted to kill all the moslems, Francis wanted to convert them.
    Neither succeeded, but hey, Kudoos for trying, I guess.)

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