Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate

Okay, so Gert Wilders goes to the UK, and he’s met with Muslim protesters holding up signs saying, “Islam Will Dominate the World: Freedom Can Go to Hell” and “Shariah the True Solution: Freedom Go To Hell”.

Not a great marketing strategy.

Not a great marketing strategy.

Now, they got nice, professional-looking, printed-out signs, yet they still don’t really have any better a concept of how to win friends and influence people than does the average Kos Kid. Do they really expect people to walk by and say, “That’s a great idea about freedom going to hell; I’m going to join Islam!” or “Wow! Whatever those angry, stupid, violent people are into, I totally want to be a part of that!”

They need better marketing!

Here are some of my sign ideas:

“Islam Will Dominate the World… and Your Heart”

“Shariah the True Solution for Family Fun”

“Shariah for the Netherlands; Ice Cream for the Children”

“The Modern World Is Scary; Join Islam and Help Us Yell at It”

“Down with Infidels; Up with Fun Beards”

“You Know How the Dog Is Scared of the Vacuum? Freedom Is Our Vacuum”

“Give Islam a Try; First Prayer Mat Is Free”

“Join Islam; How Great Could Bacon Possibly Be?”

Next, someone needs to write them a catchy jingle!

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  1. Islam’s new jingle: (To the tune of “The Jefferson’s” theme)

    Well, we’re movin’ on up, to Islam
    Where we like to blow shit up with a bomb.
    Mo-ovin’ on up, to Islam
    We’re growin’ our beards way too long.

    Blow Jews up on the buses,
    Blow Christians up in the mall.
    Took a whole lotta tryin’
    Still haven’t killed them all

    We still live in Stone Age,
    Sleepin’ in a cave at night.
    As long as we live, we’ll kill infidels,
    With Allah’s great reward in sight.

    Well, we’re movin’ on up, to Islam
    Where we like to blow shit up with a bomb.
    Mo-ovin’ on up, to Islam
    We’re growin’ our beards way too long.

  2. How about a theme song sung to the melody of “The Brady Bunch” theme song:

    Here’s the story, of a man named Allah,
    Who bonked boys and would kill by throwing stones.
    The Sunnis liked to stone the the Shia,
    But they were all alone.

    It’s the story, of the non-believers,
    Allah named them ‘the infidels.’
    They had freedoms and seemed to like them
    And they ate Bacon

    Till the one day when the Sunnis bombed the infidels,
    And they knew it was much more than a hunch.
    That this group would somehow form a jihad
    That’s the way we became the Allah Bunch.

    {OK. It ain’t perfect, but it’s still a little bit funny}

  3. Muslim Joke book:

    Two Jews walked into a bar. They sat down at the bar and my cousin Jamil ran in, screamed something indistinguishable and blew everything up!


    I’d like to think they’d all either blow themselves up and be done with it, or else someone would get it in their head that self-exploding isn’t a good idea, and the idea would go viral. After a week or two, they’d all come to the same conclusion: “Blowing up sucks”.

    The end of Islam.

  4. And they expect us to believe that “Islam is the Religion of Peace”?

    Uh huh. Maybe if they actually Did Something Peaceful, but we wouldn’t want them to do anything against their religion…

    (@ #1: perfect comeback!)

  5. Pingback: IMAO Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate « SCAAC

  6. LOL — Did anyone else notice who took the picture?

    shariah is the solution! — free car wash with suicide bombing!

    islam will dominate — 72 virgins with martyrdom

    islam makes the best bombs this side of the Pecos!

  7. We should start spreading the word that thermite explodes with more force than… whatever the crap they’re duct taping to their life jackets. Then when one of these batsh** loonies finally tries it and immolates himself instead of exploding, we can all laugh and roast marshmallows.

    To the Meow Mix jingle:
    Allah Akbar
    Stoning bombing Fatwa Jihad

  8. That rally needs a counter protester running a “Bacon for Jesus” booth.

    Slogans include:

    “Choose Freedom, Choose Bacon”

    ” In HELL there is no BACON”

    “Smell the smell of hickory smoked freedom”

    “What good does Shariah law do if she is not cooking bacon?”

    “Our religion is Tastier than Your religion”

    “God Loves you and has a wonderful plan for your Cheeseburger”

  9. “IED’s Are Da Bomb!!!. (For the chicken $hit jihadist.)”

    “You Hate Freedom? Try Islam. First Five Minutes Are Free (After a small down payment of your life which will be non-returnable.”)

  10. I don’t see anything wrong with this protest. I fully support their desire for the freedom to go to Hell.

    In fact, I’d encourage it, along with their freedom to drag their sorry asses back to Durkadurkastan and live in the seventh century while they wait.

  11. ” Islamic Suicide Hotline, if your vest is armed, press 1 for BOOM.”
    Butt bombs: Islam’s win-win solution to ghey terrorizts:
    Islam declares bras deceptive: free deception checks now available:,2933,568200,00.html
    And You Shall Know Sharia, And Sharia Will Set You Free ( Submit Now!)
    Islam: We’re Against Gun Safety:

  12. I looked under the burka and what did I see
    A sight to shrink a man’s weewee
    So give me something to strap to my chest
    Some hand grenades or a splodey vest
    I’ll blow myself up and Allah be willing
    Find some infidels that need a killing
    I’ve seen hell with my own eyes
    A face of a goat and fat hairy thighs
    After you stone her let me ease my pain
    With my limbs and innards falling like rain

  13. Pork, it’s what’s not for dinner.

    How many Muslims does it take to paint a room?

    One if you pack him with enough explosives.

    “He had been barred in February amid fears he would incite violence by showing his controversial film linking the Koran to terrorism.” (how is something that is 100% true “controversial”?) I guess it’s one of those ‘inconvenient truths’….

    So….how about they bar the terrorists Muslims who don’t seem to need an excuse for violence? If there was no one there to incite, there wouldn’t be any violence, problem solved!

    To quote Michael Savage (still banned from England) “liberalism is a mental disorder”

  14. Taking a stab at more slogans:

    “WWIRBD…What Would Islamic Rage Boy Do?”

    “Islam…oppressing women for fifteen centuries”

    “Goats…when all of your slave-wives say no”

    “If Muhammad is wrong, we don’t wanna be right”

    “Proud sponsor beneficiary of the U. S. Democratic Party”

  15. Slogans:

    Polanski lustily approves Mohammed’s choice/age of wives

    Why waste your time on this veil of tears; shorter life = sooner “fulfillment”

    Islam – the original Communism – kill it, enslave it, or tax it

    Contrary to infidel propaganda, not all the 72 virgins are camels, goats, and young boys

  16. (To the tune of the Banana splits theme song)

    One islamist, two islamists, three islamists, four
    Four islamists make a cell and so do many more.
    Over hill and highway the islamists bombs go
    Comin’on to bring you the blown to bits show

    Makin’ up a mess for fun,
    makin’ up a mess for fun
    Lots of death for everyone
    Alla la, Alla la la
    Alla la, Alla la la
    Alla la, Alla la la
    Alla la, Alla la la

    Four islamists, three islamists, two islamists, one
    All islamists playin’ in paradise’s sun.
    Flippin’ like a pancake, shooting many guns
    Abdul, Ali, Amir an’ sons.


  17. Join Islam, get s free blow up doll.

    Islam, it will blow your socks off.

    Islam is da bomb!

    Islamic women are so hot they make reat bbq bukaettes!!

    Islam, a religeon only Obama or Polanski could love!

    You’ll like sharia law so much you’ll lose your head !!

  18. Raise your Hand if you like Sharia! *
    (*50% margin of error for counting of theives)

    Islam, why wait for virgins when you can buy them now?

    Islam, it’s teh besto!

    Holy Quran, The most perfect book evah! Especially the parts that are more perfect than the other parts that are replaced by things that more perfectly come later.

    Islam, It’s all the Rage!

  19. I was really going to mock the idiot splodeytard protesters until I followed the link, saw how goofy and retarded they looked, and realized God was already mocking them. He’s much better at it than me,.

  20. Islam, indoctrinating youth and ruining lives for centuries, come join the fun!!!

    Whatever happens within Islam stays within Islam cause we blow the sh!t out of it.

    Is that an IED in your pants, or are you just happy to be stupid?

    Islam, let the good times roll (like your eyeballs on the floor after your bomb splodes).

    Man, your wife is a ston(ed to death) fox.

    Believers special: Join Islam now and receive two goats and a tube of KY.

  21. “The modern mind is hard to please; and it generally calls the way of Godfrey ferocious and the way of Francis fanatical. That is, it calls any moral method unpractical, when it has just called any practical method immoral.”
    – G.K. Chesterton, St. Francis of Assisi.

    (Godfrey wanted to kill all the moslems, Francis wanted to convert them.
    Neither succeeded, but hey, Kudoos for trying, I guess.)


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