Comments on: So exactly what was in the balloon?

By: 5 of 7

5 of 7 — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:06:38 +0000

If I could package cat t*rds as dog treats, I’d make a fortune.
Dancer! Buddy! D*mn dogs! Stay out the the kittie litter!!!

By: Veeshir

Veeshir — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:41:49 +0000

zzyzx, that’s why you give your dog McDonald’s cheeseburgers for treats. They’re much closer to food than dog treats. And they don’t come from China. (Unless you’re at a McDonald’s in China I guess).

By: Live Free Or Die

Live Free Or Die — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:10:53 +0000

Meggie Mac’s 15 minutes of fame
All the peace O-bah-muhh has accomplished to win the Nobel Peace Prize
Democrats’ integrity
All of the Establishment Republicans’ desire for smaller government
All the jobs saved or created by the O-bah-muhh stimulus package

By: Phil

Phil — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 06:11:10 +0000

They should charge them with a federal crime: How about impersonating Obama by using an overinflated balloon full of hot air, going nowhere and accomplishing nothing.

By: MarkoMancuso

MarkoMancuso — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:58:07 +0000

Scott in OC, The Painted Hills was an outstanding Mystery Science Theater episode. I salute your reference, whether it was intended or not.

By: zzyzx

zzyzx — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:26:02 +0000

Ah yes Snausages, consisting of………Wheat Flour
For a doggie treat that presents itself as a twist of beef and cheese sticks, you wouldn’t expect wheat to be the first ingredient listed. Turns out these snacks are closer to soft pretzels than Slim Jims: They’re made mostly of wheat flour and pregelatinized wheat flour — a processed starch that makes food easier to digest.

Corn Syrup, Sugar, Crystalline Fructose
Sugar, sugar, and sugar. Now that the health risks of high-fructose corn syrup are well known, manufacturers have begun to distill the sugar out of it, selling the result as “crystalline fructose.” The health risks are the same. But at least the stuff isn’t too poisonous: Archer Daniels Midland claims that its crystalline fructose contains no more than 1 milligram of arsenic per kilogram. Sweet!

Glycerine
Beef and cheese tend to be naturally moist, but beef and cheese SnawSomes (which look like shiny puppy biscotti) get their appetizing sheen from glycerine.

Beef
Actually, the package merely promises “beef flavor.” According to the FDA, that means beef need only be present in an amount “sufficient to be detected.” And you can bet it’s not going to be filet mignon. The Association of Feed Control Officials defines “meat” in pet foods as “striate muscle which is skeletal or that which is found in the tongue, in the diaphragm, in the heart, or in the esophagus; with or without the accompanying and overlying fat and the portions of the skin, sinew, nerve and blood vessels.” Woof!

Dried Cheese Product
A goulash of milk derivatives containing less than 51 percent actual cheese. Cheese product is generally rejected by nutritionists for use in school lunch programs — something to think about if you treat your pooch like a substitute child.

Soy Protein Concentrate
Because these Scooby snacks are mostly wheat, Del Monte pumps in soy protein concentrate — essentially mashed soybeans with the fats and carbs removed. This brings SnawSomes up to a whopping 4 percent protein — just a touch more than a Twinkie.

Natural Smoke Flavor
Produced by burning wood chips and condensing the smoke into a liquid, this additive creates the illusion that food has been cooked over a flame. A CDC report showed that 92 percent of commercial liquid smoke flavorings contain benzoapyrene, a substance known to cause stomach tumors in animals. Thankfully, there’s not enough here to be a real issue.

Onion Extract and Garlic Powder
A dash of flavor. But take note: Dogs can develop a blood disorder from eating onions or garlic. The amount in a single SnawSomes won’t be harmful, but it’s best to keep Fido from scarfing down the whole package at once…..bon appetit Fido.

By: Scott in OC

Scott in OC — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:35:21 +0000

Snausages!

By: zzyzx

zzyzx — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:56:13 +0000

What was in the balloon? Damn sure wasn’t the kid! Turns out the whole thing was just a scam. It just goes to show…you have to pick your scams carefully, and you have to work them with some semblance of professionalism, and you have to have the majority of the media on your side! For example…global warming caused by American hard work and prosperity? Hell yeah! That’s a great money and fame making scam that works like a champ and will make you a fortune if you and a friendly media manage it correctly! Just ask Al Gore if you don’t believe me, he’s been pulling it off for years. On the other hand, kid in a balloon to get your family a TV reality show by completely ‘punking’ the news media? Didn’t work worth a hoot….just ask Richard Heene.

By: Veeshir

Veeshir — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 12:10:47 +0000

Good one Sgt Relic

By: Sgt Relic

Sgt Relic — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:24:30 +0000

Did they mention finding a set of car keys?

By: Pug Mahon

Pug Mahon — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 04:19:46 +0000

Letters to God?

My faith in humanity?

Ten packets of Heinz ketchup?

Signed contract to the new reality show “Pimping My Loved Ones.”

By: Eric

Eric — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 04:13:58 +0000

1. The application papers for statehood of the missing 8 states Obama visited.
2. The confession of the O. J. case murder.
3. The hard copy evidence from the IPCC proving AGW.
4. The missing autopsy jar containing JFK’s brain.
5. 313 legal votes for Coleman in the 2008 MN Senate race.
6. The actual ten commandments that Moses carried down from Mt. Sinai.
7. Democrat wishes for re-election should they pass healthcare reform.

By: Carl

Carl — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 03:17:30 +0000

1) The Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices
2) The formula’s for original and new coke
3) Helen Thomas’ sanity
4) D. B. Cooper
5) all the punctuation missing from over a trillion text messages
6) the 27th letter in the English alphabet
7) the last few minutes of The Sopranos series finale
that wallet I lost six years ago
9) the chapter of Dianetics where Hubbard tells everyone it’s just a joke

By: Choey

Choey — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:12:16 +0000

It had Obama’s birth certificate and college transcripts. They were trying to get them out of the country…

By: PammyV

PammyV — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:58:33 +0000

The Constitution?

Also, I learned what the 3rd Secret of Fatima is and that Debra Winger played CS Lewis’ wife in Shadowlands

By: Crusty

Crusty — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:23:42 +0000

Marsellus Wallace’s soul.

By: Veeshir

Veeshir — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 19:49:10 +0000

Will
Penny
Judy
Major West
Mom
Dad
Dr. Smith
The Robot

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:22:40 +0000

≡ A copy of Microsoft Vista
≡ Frank’s Random Thoughts on Oct. 14
≡ Rachel Lucas’ blog
≡ Iwoahawk’s $33.18 prize money
≡ ussjimmycarter

By: MarkoMancuso

MarkoMancuso — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:56:38 +0000

~~Jeremiah Wright has been thrown under the bus.~~
Jeremiah Wright went for a balloon ride.

[That's awesome! A new phrase has entered our language. Thanks! - B.]

By: Dr. Dave

Dr. Dave — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:40:07 +0000

Michelle Obama’s fashion sense.

And her Buns of Steel workout DVD.

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:35:12 +0000

For one deranged father, that balloon was full of “hope” and “change” – proving once again how much those terms are just so much hot air.

By: MDr

MDr — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:23:55 +0000

John Kerry’s origin discharge papers
Rachel MadCow
Harry Reid’s re-election hopes
Carmen Sandiego
Shrillary’s Rose Law firm records
Letterman’s little black book
Jimmy Hoffa

By: Peef

Peef — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:21:47 +0000

That “balloon” couldn’t have lifted off the ground with a 2 pound weight. Doesn’t anybody watch mythbusters?

[So, Obama's birth certificate weighs more than 2 pounds? - B.]

By: Brian The Adequate

Brian The Adequate — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:16:50 +0000

Anthrax

[Actually, it was Stormtroopers of Death. I confuse them sometimes, too. - B.]