So Many Universes!
Scientists (using Science!) calculated that there are 10^10^16 possible universes. That’s a one with ten quadrillion zeroes following it. That means like any wacky possibility you can think of, statistically it’s likely to exist in one of those. Like a universe where hyper-intelligent pine cones rule. Or one where platypi are normal and we’re the ones who are weird-looking. And there’s a universe where ninjas mated with pirates to make ninja-pirates.
So I know what you’re thinking: “Can we invade them and steal their oil?” Yes, but we’ll need a pretext for the invasion. That’s simple, though: All we have to do is find a universe similar to our own and then hit them up for tons of copyright infringements. When they won’t pay, we invade them and take their oil!
It’s ideas like that that would make me a much better ruler than a pine cone.
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October 19th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Next on their agenda is finding the specific one where actually taking the time to calculate the number of possible alternate universes out there makes you a babe magnet.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I am opposed to finding new universes. These new universes could contain monkeys. Or, worse yet, monkey-shark hybrids.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
If we really need oil, we can drill on the moon after we force it to submit with thermonuclear weapons.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Your kung fu is weak, matey.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
In one of them, dya suppose Obama has a goatee,
ya know, like Evil Spock in the ‘Mirror,mirror’ episode of StarTrek?
Cause, like, that’d be awesome!
October 19th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Is there a universe without hippie liberals, where the government can run a surplus once in while? And how do I get there?
October 19th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I claim the universe where the food you order looks exactly like the food in the ads.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
There’s a universe where you ARE a pine cone, Frank. And maybe one where you’re just a pine nut.
Lucky for you you’re in this one where you’re only afraid of pine cones.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
It’s not possible that these scientists who posit these universes, for which they have no emperical evidence, could be dogmatically motivated… is it?
[More or less possible than that being the motivation for your comment? -Ed.]
October 19th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
This just in: Stanford professors have too much time and money on their hands.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Already the Alternative Deniers are coming out. These people are worse than Holocaust Deniers and 9/11 Truthers. They are against Science! itself.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
The Primoridal Ooze is not amused!
October 19th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
*Shudder* A universe where algore is actually human? Or one where algore is intelligent. or a universe where “climate change” exists. Or a univers where present hussein is’t a douche bag.
Hold me.
October 19th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Did they happen to calculate where the portals to these alternate universes are? Kind of useless to have that many alternate universes, and no access.
Perhaps IMAO could get a Gov’t. Grant to locate portals to aternate universes. Could take up to 10^10^16 years to find them though.
It would be great if right near the Portals, there was a Portal Pottie, ‘cuz there’s no Restrooms between dimensions. Next stop, The Twilight Zone!
October 19th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Amen #6, the only alternate universe I’m interested in is one where there are no moonbats of any flavor or stripe. Where English is the only language, guns are good! and self-defense is expected (if needed), and “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is the norm. Also, everyone works – using their talents and skills in a profession that suits them, self-governs peacefully, locks up and/or ejects criminals no matter what the offense, and keeps everything they earn (no IRS or government bureaucrats).
Tell me where such a place is and I will relocate ASAP.
October 19th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Unless there’s an alternate universe where Farscape went on for a fifth season, I’m not interested. On the other hand, if there’s an alternate universe where the seventh season of 24 didn’t suck, I might be willing to give that one a try. At least once.
October 19th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Can we go to the universe where President Fred Thompson has signed a contract with Joss Whedon to make ten more seasons of “Firefly”? Please?
October 19th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Oh, the possibilities!
A universe in which lefties are rational.
A universe in which Sonia Sotomayor and Helen Thomas look like actual human beings.
A universe in which the newspapers with the largest circulations cover important news stories and tell the truth about them.
A universe in which no member of Congress is owned by anybody.
A universe in which the weather is Californian and the people are Midwestern.
A universe in which cauliflower and Brussels sprouts taste good.
A universe in which I can go to Trader Joe’s without having anybody outside the door solicit me for money or a signature for a petition.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I am not at all pleased with the thought that there could be an alternate universe out there somewhere in which I am gay. Yikes! Science! is not cool and needs to stay in the laboratory.
October 19th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I’ve seen what’s coming out of D.C. these days we ARE the universe ruled by hyperintelligent pine cones
October 19th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
People in another universe postulate that there’s a bizarre, irrational alternate universe to theirs where a handout-chasing, racist, Marxist, completely unaccomplished stuttering nipplehead becomes the most powerful man in the world. Then they laugh, for no universe could be that dum stoopid.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
All those universes and Obama isn’t effective in any of them.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
A new Heaven and a new Earth?
Already in the works!
“Few religions are definite about the size of Heaven, but on the planet Earth the Book of Revelation (ch. XXI, v. 16) gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side. This is somewhat less than 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 cubic feet. Even allowing that the Heavenly Host and other essential services take up at least two thirds of this space, this leaves about one million cubic feet of space for each human occupant – assuming that every creature that could be called ‘human’ is allowed in, and that the human race eventually totals a thousand times the number of humans alive up until now. This is such a generous amount of space that it suggests that room has also been provided for some alien races or – a happy thought – that pets are allowed.”
– Terry Pratchett, The Last Hero.
October 19th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
So many universe’s….so little time!
October 19th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
And, still more frightening is the fact that those 10^10^16 possible universes are all experiencing a rapid increase in temperature simply because I insist on putting my groceries in a plastic bag.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:34 am
“It’s ideas like that that would make me a much better ruler than a pine cone.”
Don’t sell yourself short Frank. You would make an excellent pine cone.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:43 am
How many universes can fit on a pinhead?
No, not Olbermann, a literal pin head.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:43 am
10^10^16 universes? Are they sure? Somebody needs to check their math, because I seem to remember that Robert Heinlein said there were 6^6^6 universes, and he was wicked smart. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Number_of_the_Beast_%28novel%29
October 20th, 2009 at 2:34 am
Even though there is a universe out there that rightfully acknowleges my brilliance(which people in this one should have admitted years ago) my daddy said you have to play the universe you’re dealt. My dad was even smarter than I and was the man that told Einstein “Get the fricken math right”!
October 20th, 2009 at 3:46 am
This is only the number of universes distinguishable to the human brain, and it pretty much assumes that a human brain is going to be your standard ball of meat weighing no more than about 1.4kg.
It does not account for the many universes which are run by squirrels.
October 20th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Prattle and Tripe! Scientists need to stick to something that is real…like Al Gore’s global warming scam! Or my theory that all scientists are child molesters!
October 20th, 2009 at 8:03 am
The big pine tree in my back yard has been acting mighty suspiciously lately.
Maybe the Pine Cone universe is planning a first strike!!
October 20th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I’ve seen a lot of them, and they aren’t really all that they’re cracked up to be. They’re kinda like species definition in this universe: if there’s a bit of a color splotch then it’s a different species; if the first twig is at a different angle then it’s a different species; the facial organs are in a different order then it’s a different species.
Same thing with these universes. There is a dreary number of them in which I’m still sitting in my Mom’s basement in my pajamas.
October 20th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Frank, that means their is a universe, with an earth, ruled by a guy who thinks almost exactly like you do, who is probably planning to attack us right now for copyright infringement, and has spent hundreds of billions of dollars on building a portal. We are so screwed.
On the other hand, is it better to side with our own Obama ruled earth, or should we betray this universe, and side with the cool FrankJ ruled one? Would that FrankJ accept us as loyal followers, or see us as treasonous traitors who can’t be trusted? This is important, as it will decide who we side with? Only one man knows the answer to what we should do, and he is too busy preparing for a pine cone apocalypse.
October 20th, 2009 at 11:23 am
“[More or less possible than that being the motivation for your comment? -Ed.]”
Zing!
I’d say More. :p My dogma has an overwhelming amount of evidence. My faith is much too weak for Dawkin’s definition of faith. I’m more comfortable being a Doubting Thomas with lots of proof than a Dancing Nancy with a made up multiverse.
#23, I’d be careful about pressing the size of the city into being the heaven where the afterlife happens. Given that the city you’re referencing, is not only built like a cube, but is also a bride to the Lamb, I think it’s fair to see at least *some* methaphor at work there…
October 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am
>> It’s ideas like that that would make me a much better ruler than a pine cone.
I agree – Frank would not be a very good pine cone.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
#35 – James,
“I think it’s fair to see at least *some* metaphor (FIFY) at work there…”
Why, bless you, I know that!
That’s just the ‘Heavenly Jerusalem’.
But since this post seems concerned with mankind’s propensity to be impressed with large numbers, I thought it an appropriate contribution.
Which is more awesome, a large number, or the mind capable of comprehending and giving the number meaning?
For instance, the walls of the city are a hundred and forty-four cubits (approx. 216 feet) tall (Rev. 21:17) and has twelve gates, each gate made from a single pearl (Rev. 21:21).
Got that?
Now try to imagine those oysters!
October 21st, 2009 at 11:37 am
Mmm, you’re right… “methaphor” is something completely different!
Right on, that’s one massive mullusk!
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:29 am
James – sorry, I couldn’t resist.
But seriously …
St. Thomas Aquinas believed that every man could be lead to faith in God through logical, rational arguments from observed facts and first principles; but that most people needed to come to faith through revelation, because most human lives aren’t long enough to finish the argument.
I know the Bible is true not because I was argued into it, but because I’ve met the Author – (metaphorically).
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
[...] Collider could create black holes and destroy the universe, but Science! has already shown we have 10^10^16 universes, so that’s not really a big [...]