Frank Advice for Life
Get an old chest and put explosives in it and set a trigger so the explosives will go off when the chest is opened. Then bury the chest in a middle of nowhere making sure to note its location. Now, if you’re ever captured by pirates, you can tell them to spare your life and you’ll lead them to buried treasure. I think the rest is pretty self-explanatory.
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(33 votes, average: 4.97 out of 5)
November 25th, 2009 at 11:18 am
When you reach the chest with the pirates, remember to remove your sunglasses. Next, when the chest explodes and kills the pirates, put your sunglasses back on and say, “Burn, baby, burn.”
November 25th, 2009 at 11:47 am
If you want to attract pirates (besides dressings as a Ninja) tell a leftist you have wealth that needs spreading.
November 25th, 2009 at 11:50 am
I’m not worried about pirates capturing me. I hired a cowboy bodyguard. Cowboys are worth at least 20 pirates. Only thing better would be to have a marine. They are worth about 40 pirates.
November 25th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Now all I need is a good defense against Ninjas
November 25th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
The best defense against a ninja is a pirate. Truth.
November 25th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
If the pirates are cagey pirates, and demand that you accompany them and open the chest yourself, make sure you leave your sunglasses on. If you can’t leave your sunglasses on, make sure it’s all a part of a secret plan to fake your own death, or a dream sequence.
November 25th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
that will help when they start going undercover and pirating on our land.
November 25th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Dammit, you just had to blare it out to the whole world, didn’t you?
Now I have to come up with another plan.
Jerk.
November 26th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Are you referring to real pirates or those phony Obama lookalikes that are currently serving as target practice for our military?
November 26th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Get an old chest; does Helen Thomas’s chest qualify? Disgusting, but once I get the explosives in Helen Thomas’s chest, I’d bring her to an O-bah-muhh Press Conference, and when Barry calls on Helen, the explosives detonate. No more Effete Pirate Barack!
Frank’s advise for life is always so practical.
November 27th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Better to make it something to turn on the pirates. Remember, there are two sorts of people in the world. The pirates will have the loaded guns. Guess who’ll dig?