If we do not learn to respect and honor Science!, global warming is how it will destroy us.
Many people doubt global warming, but it is a scientific fact. Globes have been warmed in a lab. When the earth warms, ice will melt and baby polar bears will die from icelessness. And there will be giant earthquakes and meteor attacks. You may wonder how warming could cause that, but it’s very complicated so just be assured we double-checked the math.
Global warming is caused by greenhouse gases. The biggest contributor is water vapor — but ignore that one; it’s not important. The important one is carbon dioxide. Every animal exhales carbon dioxide when it breathes — which Science! now admits was a design flaw — but carbon dioxide is also produced whenever you do anything fun like drive a race car or watch TV. And if you like reading books, that also makes carbon dioxide some how. This carbon dioxide then traps heat in the air making things warmer. Tons warmer. Like two degrees warmer. And maybe even warmer than that. Like three degrees.
Now, you may say, “But it’s gotten cooler lately.” That’s irrelevant. Science! doesn’t care what you think is happening. Science! cares what Science! says is happening. So even if it’s cooler, its less cooler than it should have been. Which I guess is kinda nice. Though it will kill us all.
And how do we know it will kill us all? Admittedly, there aren’t like falsifiable tests showing doomsday, but all us smart scientists are really sure. As is Al Gore. Also, there are computer simulations showing it will happen; you don’t want to see the condition my Sims are in right now. So there’s like tons of circumstantial Science! that proves it.
Anyway, when global warming really get revving up and starts killing everybody, we’ll be like, “Told you so! You didn’t listen to us, and now you’ve made Science! angry with your defiance! Muh ha ha ha!” One of the best parts of Science! is laughing at people who never listened to you when they suffer the consequences.