Fred Thompson’s Beard *Updated with Response from Fred*
A number of you have noticed that Fred Thompson has had facial hair in his recent TV appearances. No, this is not the evil, goateed Ted Frompson from an alternate dimension. Instead, Fred Thompson simply bested Chuck Norris in combat and absorbed some of his power. Incidentally, scientists predict that if Fred Thompson were to ever get a ’stache like John Bolton, he’d be so powerful that the universe would explode just by looking at him.
UPDATE:
Believe it or not, we’ve gotten an official response on the issue from Fred Thompson. He says that “maintaining my status as America’s sex symbol requires adjustment from time to time.”
Since this is the official explanation, any speculation to the contrary will result in being immediately banned from this site.
(25 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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November 9th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Hmmm, I don’t know if I buy the explanation that Fred bested Chuck in combat. Chuck’s awesomeness in combat is overwhelming to his foe’s. Combat is different from wits, where of course there is no equal to Fred. Perhaps they have joined forces to become one big ball of awesome? Bwahahahahah!
The world spins, democrats cower deeper in fear, and bwaney fwank s**ts himself (again).
November 9th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
This is actually Fred following up on some advice I and a bearded associate gave him in November of 2007. We suggested “Sen. Thompson, you should grow a beard” when we got to meet him. Lo and behold, the facial hair hath sprouted forth.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Fred may or may not be capable of besting Chuck Norris in combat. It matters little.
Chuck ceded the awesomeness of his beard when he endorsed Mike Huckabee.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Now that America has finally elected a black President, a bearded President is the next big step which will pave the way for …. humor blogger Presidents of the future!
November 9th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
In the Mirror Universe, evil and good are reversed… except for Fred Thompson. He’s just awesome in any plane of existence.
If the two Fred Thompsons ever meet, the universe will melt. Minorites and women will be hardest hit.
November 9th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Fred Thompson has facial hair because he stopped willing it to not grow.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Nightfly, and they’ll somehow find a way to blame Bush, claiming he purposely blew up the Levee keeping Teh Fred!s apart.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I’m a flaming heterosexual, and even I consider the beard quite hot.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
What is sexier than ABSOLUTE POWER!
November 9th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
So I expect this will get me shunned, but didn’t I already suggest that he grew the beard because he has become too lazy to shave?
November 9th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Whoo Hoo!!! Finally someone else to SHUN! Ask and the Fred delivers!
November 9th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Jeri said it tickled her, ’nuff said.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
[...] at IMAO. (Actually, everything is at IMAO.) Filed under: Wisdom of the Ages Comment (0) Article tags: [...]
November 9th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I needed to mention to you guys that we Oregonians have decided to keep Fred. Sorry about that. You can have Chuck Norris. Just FYI:
http://www.fredthompsonforcongress.com/news/2009/9/23/fred-thompson-running-for-congress.html
November 9th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Obviously he’s become too lazy to break Hwuu’s keyboard over Hwuu’s head.
SHUN!
November 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
you can’t have him, oregonians! he belongs to no one and to everyone…
and, Jeri is the absolute authority on anything ‘Fred’ … she’s ‘the one’ and i hope she runs for office soon!!!!
November 9th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
#8Gregg, Any sexual attraction to Fred simply makes you that much more heterosexual.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I have to point out that our Oregonian Fred Thompson is different from Jeri’s Fred (which kind of sucks, since I agree with you: I’d vote for her), but we can’t afford the real one. So, we got the best we could afford.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
*Fred Thompson simply bested Chuck Norris in combat and absorbed some of his power.*
Fred Thompson: “There can be only one!!!!!”
November 9th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Fred/Fred 2012?
November 10th, 2009 at 3:03 am
I thought it might have had something to do with his role as William Jennings Bryan in that new monkey trial movie.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:15 am
fred would be america’s sex symbol regardless… but whatever I Love the new mustache I might grow one out myself in an effort to better emulate Fred.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:41 am
I think Lazy Fred is an improvement over “evil Spock beard” Fred
November 10th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
This was a natural progression for Fred. Don’t you remember when at the end of the movie that Fred was in, where after he had “Become King by His Own Hand”. He was sitting on his throne wearing a beard. I may be getting confused here. All I remember was in the movie, people ticked off the main charecter and were slaughtered mercilessly with mideval weapons. So it was either a documentry about Fred, or Conan the Barbarian.