Obama Fortune Cookies
[conceptual hat tip: Dylan]
I know Obama prefers burgers, but I’m guessing that he ate a lot of Chinese food on his recent trip.
I also assume that Chinese Chinese food comes with a fortune cookie, just like American Chinese food.
Which leads to the obvious speculative query: what fortunes did Obama get in his fortune cookies?
I speculate thusly:
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* You do good job! Take a bow!
* If you have bad news to break, leave town and let Holder guy do it.
* You look better wearing Mao jacket. Everyone look better wearing Mao jacket. Whole world wear Mao jacket soon!
* You will try something new – a terrorist in New York City.
* China cold like Chicago. Bring heavy coat.
* Save lives. Make Biden walk.
* Prosperity is coming. Just tax it until it go away.
* Why you let wife go out in public dressed like that?
* Today you meet friend from long ago. Tomorrow you throw him under bus.
* Seriously, where birth certificate?
If you’ve gone through Obama’s trash recently and found any of his old fortune cookie fortunes, feel free to share in the comments.
(30 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5)
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November 20th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Help! I’m being held captive in a Chinese fortune cookie factory! Oh! Wait a minute….that was in my last fortune cookie.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
* You no need stinking tereprompter. You stutter already fine.
* Why you say “I” with good news, “We” with bad?
* Do not bring your dog to China. Some people eat your dog.
* We confused. Is Perosi your wife? Or Hillrary? Or the Klingon?
* We no like Hillrary. Preosi smell. Klingon ugly. Go home now.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
To you your ass handed over healthcare. No be sad.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Michelle monthly come soon. Run like hell.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
* Why you spend so much our money you no have?
* We Hope you come again. We tell you what to Change, OK?
* Ok, we ready now. You shove “Hope and Change” in doodoo chamber.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Your life partner will to you to enjoy Gagh.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
* Today is the best day of the rest of your life.
(Seriously, I got that once…) 8|
November 20th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
*You appoint fortune cookie Czar now.
*You give us America now for money you owe.
*not enough taxes declare new tax now.
*liberty bad, become communist.
*you steal FrankJ’s Doritos.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
“Obama prefers burgers” – typo – boogers FTFY
Old Chinese proverb – never trust faux wanna be, basketball participant, joke – they dribble (down their leg) before they (prematurely) shoot.
Where’s the wook? We love better than puppies and kittens. Fatty, but tasty. Bacon helps.
Chinese have nicknamed honorable president – One Bows Low
November 20th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
You know, in China they just call it food.
November 20th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
* All your nuke are belong to Chairman.
* All your money are belong to Chairman.
* All your waffle are belong to Chairman.
* All your arugula are belong to Chairman.
November 20th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
‘Incompetence, sufficiently advanced, is indistingushable from malice.’
Lucky Numbers- 01/20/12
*Learn Chinese *Oh-Bah’-Mah = one term
THIS is the worst cookie fortune, or at least in the bottom ten.
November 20th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
I think that’s gotta be the thread winner.
Also, the picture of that fortune is priceless.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
* You do good job! Take a bow… IN BED.
* If you have bad news to break, leave town and let Holder guy do it… IN BED.
* You look better wearing Mao jacket. Everyone look better wearing Mao jacket. Whole world wear Mao jacket soon… IN BED.
* You will try something new – a terrorist in New York City… IN BED.
* China cold like Chicago. Bring heavy coat… IN BED.
* Save lives. Make Biden walk… IN BED.
* Prosperity is coming. Just tax it until it go away… IN BED.
* Why you let wife go out in public dressed like that… IN BED.
* Today you meet friend from long ago. Tomorrow you throw him under bus… IN BED.
* Seriously, where birth certificate? IN BED?
November 20th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
* That was not chicken
* Stimulus have more pork than million eggroll
November 20th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Communism bad. Been tried before, really suck.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
“Its not them. Its you.”
“We take over world you look fortune cookie when need idea”
“Your daughters cute but you and wife ugly, you sure they yours?”
“If you believe Marxism you believe whatever i write too he he he he”
“I fortune cookie started global warming theory as joke”
“Me fortune writer actually American but grammer no good we was taught in government schools by Marxists union members and teh hippies”
“turn over”…”turn over” “turn over”…
“stop looking to me and fix your economy and by fix it i mean leave it alone it will fix itself”
November 20th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
“Remember when i told you pick Joe Biden… Gotcha HA-HA”
“I would say leave tip but its our money anyway”
“soon we own US then you be rice farmer with very low carbon footprint. ha ha ha”
“You will be a great dad, good husband, nice guy, and a shitty president”
“please dont eat the paper this time”
“what massive Chinese military buildup? You imagining things. Now, eat this cookie and fall fast asleep”
“What you looking at round eye
?”
November 21st, 2009 at 12:21 am
Communism is most painful path between Capitalism and Capitalism.
November 21st, 2009 at 12:41 am
Your wife is a man.
November 21st, 2009 at 12:47 am
You presidency bad like movie from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:27 am
You sound like priest in church with empty hat.
November 21st, 2009 at 9:22 am
Soon you will “Paint the Town RED!”
November 21st, 2009 at 9:26 am
Someday You Be Famous! (Maybe not today but to Mao!)
November 21st, 2009 at 10:33 am
*you be rich with other peoples money.
November 21st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
* You wear bucket on head with great distinction.
November 21st, 2009 at 6:37 pm
*Learn Chinese *Oh-Bah’-Mah = one term
I did laugh long and loud. Thanks T_J.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:47 am
YOU LIE!
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 am
Surrounding yourself with tax cheats and telling lies will make ears grow bigger!
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
*you reincarnate of Mao.
*you carl marx in past life.
*you write crappy book.
*watch for falling buckets.
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 am
* A sphincter say what?
* Why bow in Japan? WE own you!
* Wise man say…you punk bitch. Ha Ha Ha
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:41 am
*You rike Great Walr; Expensive to maintain, but functionary worthress
*Man who marry sasquatch must keep steady suppry of hairbalr medicine
*Seriousry? You expect me to front you a twenty for the mealr?
*Air Force One? Oh! We ship back in peices ratter. You take tramp steamer back to USA