Things That Count As Creating Or Saving A Job
Three of these were actually counted on the government’s report of the number of jobs “created or saved” by the stimulus package.
The rest might as well be.
 |
* Getting Nancy Pelosi the reconstructive surgery needed to stop people from describing her face as “had a swordfight ‘To The Pain‘ and lost”.
* Hiring people to fill out the government paperwork on how many jobs you created with your stimulus money
* Hitting on college freshmen (just the hot chicks).
* Buying cars for a Driver’s Ed class.
* Giving the baby-sitter a raise.
* Putting even MORE chocolate chips in Chips Ahoy! cookies.
* Requiring road construction projects to employ both primary and back-up “shovel leanin’ guys”.
* Shopping cart repair for homeless people.
* Lawnmower drag race pit crew.
* Re-felting old muppets.
* Upgrading the nation’s energy grid to allow it to receive power directly from the Energizer Bunny.
Feel free to chime in with the fruits of your own research, as commenting on IMAO counts as creating or saving a job.
Send to Kindle
(12 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5)
November 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
*eating all the leftover Halloween candy, then participating in a diabetes screening paid for by “Consumer Option” health insurance.
November 1st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Passing a stimulus bill that gives the media something to report about.
Giving accountants more work.
Paying kickbacks to lobbyists.
Hiring shrinks to deal with the post-NY photo op trauma.
Hiring a lawyer to find a loophole allowing ACORN to put a price on O’Keefe and Giles.
November 1st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Hiring extra Capital police to lock committee rooms
Hiring extra security to keep the great unwashed out of Nanzi’s proclamations
Passing net fairness regs so more “monitors” are needed
Creating new agency to make sure those light bulbs get changed
November 1st, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Commenting on DKos?
November 1st, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Saved job – hitting the tip jar at HoPro M (media) street ho/pro
New job – Oracles/transcendentalmetaphysicaloutbeyondyouranusracehustlingmarxiststooges
to decipher PelosiCare for Drs & hospitals
Saved job – diverting AssCORN ballot stuffers to new/saved job creative writers
New job – final arbiter to decide if $ spent was new or saved – wasted not an option.
November 1st, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I think Nancy lost more then once…
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 am
* Recycling belly button fuzz into doggy sweaters for homeless dogs.
* Residential storm drain clean-out program traffic sign holders – shovel-ready.
* Adopt a neighborhood 24-hour cry-in-your-beer designated drivers.
* Underprivileged gangsta rappa youth core dumpster recycling and garbage police cadet training.
* Windows 98 and ME computer recycling to elderly first-time computer users – working or not in most cases.
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 am
Jobs created: Gov,t. Commission to find out how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop
Fact checkers for SNL skits
Search and Rescue Teams to find Higgs Boson
ACORN Investigative Sting Operations
Jobs Saved: U.S. House And Senate Members that voted against the Bailouts, Stimulus, Cap and Tax, Cash-For-Clunkers, ObamaCare
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Job Created – Tree Mourning Brigade (OR)
Jobs Created – Department of Giving Us Some More Damned Money and Maybe A New Car (LA)
Jobs Created – Research Project On Mating Habits for Money of North American Fudge Packers Union (MA – Barney Frank’s House)
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Halloween candy distributors at the White House.
Trainors for the Halloween candy distributors at the White House.
Authors for the 1,000 page instruction manuel for Halloween candy distributors at the White House.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Can someone please “create or save” a job that involves ridding the internet of all Nancy Peolsi pictures? Even at Halloween this sorta thing is way too scary for the general public.
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Not deciding to never start your own company someday now counts as saving a job.