Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
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Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!
KAILUA, HAWAII (AP) – Taking a break from his Hawaiian vacation, President Obama addressed the issue of the failed airliner bombing attempt over Detroit by saying that “right wing extremists” were to blame.
“As Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano pointed out,” said Obama, “the system works. As President, I’ve done everything in my power to support and encourage ‘man-caused disaster’ attacks on American soil – from not using the ‘T’ word, to treating alleged violent attacks by people of certain religions as criminal nuisances. Judging by the Christmas incident in Detroit, I’d give the system a good, solid B+.”
“Unfortunately,” continued the President, “a right-wing extremist interfered with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s freedom to exercise his religion, and prevented him from fully expressing his opinion about America’s recent vicious attacks on the peaceful land of Yemen. Let me be clear – this sort of repression of universal rights will not be tolerated by this administration. We won’t put up with it from Fox News, and we sure as hell won’t put up with it from some stinking Dutchman. Rest assured that Jasper Schuringa will be held securely in the Guantanamo Bay detention facility pending an appearance before a full military tribunal.”
Under new directives ordered by the Obama administration in the wake of the tragically failed attack, passengers on US domestic and international flights will be prohibited from having pillows, blankets, or “any other material or device” which might be used to put out a fire and interfere with an “enthusiastic expression of political opinion or zealous religious activity”.
Ready or not, tomorrow night marks the end of not just the year, but the decade. Yes the old whatchamacallits (the oughts? the zeros? the o’s? the nils? the nothings?) will end and the tens will arrive, but before that happens, lots of people will create useless lists of things both good and bad from the past decade.
“But what about me?” You might ask, “I want to help make a useless list, too!”
Well, here’s your chance to vote for your choice for Moonbat of the Decade in several categories, so why not contribute your own voice to someone else’s “decade” list and feel a little better about yourself:
4) MSM (News)
And last but not least, to cleanse the palate:
Remember, vote early and vote often… just like a good little Democrat would! (And death is no excuse not to vote!)
Bookmarked this story a while back:
“A remote-controlled dinosaur robot worth about £60,000 has been stolen from Australia’s “Walking with Dinosaurs” show in Guadalajara, event organisers said”
And now Frank’s “on vacation”.
My guess is that Janet Napolitano hired him to make a system that ACTUALLY works.
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Darrel of Pi Are Squared:
From Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation!:
From Stodda43 of Frisk a Liberal:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Frank (all praise be upon him) has asked me to post here again temporarily while he stumbles about in his typical post-Christmas drunken stupor, pummeling hippies and monkeys with the brand new set of Elin Nordegren* golf clubs he received from Santa.
Since I haven’t had time to prepare any original material yet, I figured I’d do the typical lazy blogger bit and just post some links to worthwhile stuff from elsewhere on the web to hold your interest so you don’t get depressed by the lack of posts here of late, give up on the site and stop reading IMAO, choosing, instead, to start spending your time doing more constructive things, thus costing Frank valuable zombies from his Internet Army and causing him to suffer a major setback in his plans for world domination.
First up, if you haven’t seen it yet, go read Iowahawk’s new take on a cherished Christmas classic, It’s A Wonderful Bill
Here’s a taste to whet your appetite, my little ginger snaps:
Scene 15: A bridge outside Bedford Falls. George, breathless, peers dead-eyed into the icy river 100 feet below.
I… I wish I was never elected!
George swings his leg over the side of the bridge, but he is tackled by a kindly old stranger
Phew, that was a close one, George. I thought for sure you were a goner!
Who… who are you? How did you know my name?
Well that’s a mighty interesting question, Senator Bailey. I guess you could say… well, let’s say I’m sort of your protector. Clarence is the name. Clarence Odbody.
You mean some kind of guardian angel? From heaven?
Yessir, straight from lobbyist row on K Street. But I’m not an official angel as yet. Before I can earn my wings I have to stop you from this fool idea of yours. Honestly, George — political suicide? It’s just plain sinful.
Did you see that crowd? Have you seen my approval ratings? This town would have been better off if I had never been elected.
Stop saying such a thing! Do you really feel that way George?
I, I, I, I… yeah! Well, see, yeah! See.
Alright George, I’ll grant you your wish. But you may not like what you see.
Go and read the rest, you’ll thank me later.
More links to come. And, if you’re really, really good, maybe I’ll whip up something original while I’m here, too!
Merry (belated) Christmas, you wonderful old building-and-loans and Happy New Year to you all… in jail! Go on home, they’re waiting for you!
[*Edited 12/29/09 11:15pm cst to correct an error. Thank you, BadgerHawk!]
Another day, another terrorist, another airplane.
Also, another passenger having to do all the work of subduing this turd. You’d think by now that every airline flight would include at least one non-Muslim ex-Special Forces guy with a loaded Glock and a bellyful of unresolved anger management issues.
In response to this latest attack, the airlines have vowed to keep America safer by… randomly inconveniencing passengers:
Passengers on a flight from New York to Tampa Saturday morning were also told they must remain in their seats and couldn’t have items in their laps, including laptops and pillows.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said […] the measures “are designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same thing everywhere.”
Um… ok… the guy’s got explosives in his underwear, so they take away… pillows… and laptops.
Now passengers can’t nap and they can’t play Solitaire. People are going to start blowing up planes out of sheer boredom.
But if the goal is irritated passengers, I might as well offer some helpful suggestions:
* In-flight movie: An Inconvenient Truth. Added bonus – the audio track has a half-second lag
* Stewardesses who speak only Lithuanian.
* Have the Captain actually turn off the NO SMOKING sign, but if someone tries to light up, announce that it’s Opposite Day.
* Hire undercover midgets to scream, cry, and kick the back of people’s seats.
* Smallpox infected blankets
* Overhead Thunderdome compartments – “Two bags enter, one bag leaves”.
* Airsickness bags not changed unless full
* Hitting stewardess call button triggers playing of “Poker Face“. Endless loop. No “off” option.
* People not paying attention during the safety lecture will be beaten with the demo seatbelt.
* Safety lecture now includes directions for putting out flaming Muslim underpants.
It’s a special Christmas column at Pajamas Media: “Have a Merry Government-Regulated Christmas”.
Enjoy and be merry!
I’m kinda on Christmas vacation now. I’ll be back… eventually. Anyway, I’ll still have some Pajamas Media columns going up (maybe a special one for tomorrow), so keep checking back.
Have an honorable Christmas!