I am starting a new colony on Mars. It will be called Libertytown City. Not everyone will be invited. It will have liberty, respect for individual rights, and lots of red rocks. Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “But I don’t like liberty and red rocks.” Then this colony is not for you. You probably won’t be invited anyway.
PEOPLE WHO AREN’T INVITED TO MY COLONY ON MARS
* People who are whiny.
* People who are sissies.
* Sparkly vampires.
* People who find freedom scary.
Only good, freedom-loving people are invited to my colony on Mars. When the colony is first founded, we will have an ice cream social to get to know everyone. Then we must get to work. We’re going to make dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them to protect us. We will declare war on the moon. And we will be free, as no liberals will be allowed on Mars. They can maybe go on Phobos or Deimos — I really don’t care — but Mars will remain liberal-free. It’s the only way to protect liberty because as soon as liberals get scared they attack and bite liberty. We don’t put up with that crap on Mars.
So anyway, I’m just announcing my colony on Mars that not everyone will be invited to. I don’t know what day it’s happening, but while you wait you can sing a song like “There Are No Cats in America” from An American Tale except change it so it’s about how there are no liberals on Mars (I couldn’t get the meter working myself).