Frank Advice for Life
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. It’s when you’re comparing a bird in hand to squirrels that the exchange rate gets confusing.
(9 votes, average: 4.44 out of 5)
Loading ... (9 votes, average: 4.44 out of 5) Loading ...
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Of course, the bird rate is no picnic either. Your outmoded attempts to confine bird valuation to a classic dichotomy are woefully inadequate in these modern times. Is it reasonable to assume that a bird in hand is worth three in a tree, as the tree is higher than a bush? What about power lines and rooftops? What about inclement weather conditions? Is the bird migratory? How many coconuts is it carrying? Does the value increase proportionally with height/obstruction/danger, or on a logarithmic scale? How am I supposed to live life according to your principles with such limited guidance?
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
The question is what really is the value of a squirrel? A bird can shut down a multi-billion dollar piece of high technology with a chunk of bread. I’d like to see a squirrel do that. I’d say 2.93547 rodents per bird.
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I prefer my bird to be in a bush rather than my hand, but that’s just me.
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Skwerls are worth morth than birds. Have you ever tried to tie a birds tail to your antenna?
And who has a car that has an antenna? Don’t you know what a coat hanger is fer?
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:54 pm
The equivalence can be calculated using simple stoichiometry.
First of the formal weight of a (gray) squirrel is about 4.097 * 10^26 grams/mole.
The formal weight of a sparrow is about 1.807*10^25 grams/mole.
You probably need at least five sparrows to defeat a squirrel. I’m not sure if the reaction goes to completion though.
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Only if their English sparrows, Dr.
Now, Dr. Mayhem, I remember enough chemistry to know that grammies/mole is unit weight for people like Michael Moore (do NOT confuse with Moore’s Law!), etc. So, you don’t want grams/mole. On the other hand you don’t want Grahams/Rudman either. You obviously need Frank’s Science!
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm
It’s even that much more difficult when the squirrel is in my pants.
Maybe I shouldn’t have just said that…
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Dr. Mayhem, it depends on the sparrow. House Sparrows are some of the meanest animals it has been my displeasure to meet.
While I am an avid bird lover, I will give an advantage to squirrels. They can carry items.
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:05 pm
I’ve just remembered that I recently saw a hawk pluck a rodent out of a field.
I retract my previous comment. Change of heart, you might say.
Birds also have the advantage of sharp beaks and feathers that cause sneezing, blunt trauma, and disorientation.
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I leave you with a question; could a squirrel accomplish this?
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Oh, fiddlesticks, I posted a bad link.
Here is a direct link without that hyperlink malarkey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOdSRm4zo-Q
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
This just in: The Chinese have announced they will no longer accept standard bird currency and are demanding a new animal currency. Obama apologized to them, blaming “arrogant Americans” for the existence of birds, while bowing.
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
I base everything on the can I eat it scale….. under this structure a squirrel is worth more than a sparrow, but a chicken is worth more than a squirrel….. or you could just keel dem all and make stew……
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
A bird in Cheney’s hand is worth two or three in Obama’s face!
I was told there would be no math.
December 4th, 2009 at 6:03 am
But what if your bird is actually from the future having collided with the Hadron? That would be a super awesome and very expensive bird which I would sell for lot’s of money. That assuming he had not run into Higgs bosson on the way, of course!
December 4th, 2009 at 8:09 am
If the bird ran into the Higgs Bosun, ussjc, he’d be feeling real sore all over. The ship’s Bosun doesn’t like to be messed with. Especially on the USS Higgs.
December 4th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Personally, I stopped caring about the exchange rates on Birds-in-the-hand when they moved away from the “Coconut Standard”.
December 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Grr! It’s Boatswain! It just sounds like Bosun because the Brit have an aversion to Consonants! That is all.
December 4th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Grrr! “Bosun” is accepted spelling for “Boatswain,” DesertElephant. Dictionary dot com says so.