Frank on Science!: Gravity

Posted on December 4, 2009 3:01 pm

One great thing about the controversial sciences is that they distract from the fact that we don’t have any idea how gravity works.

Here’s as good a time as any to explain the difference between facts and theory as Science! understand them. The facts of gravity are well established. We have airplanes and rockets and guillotines all based on our understanding of what gravity does. It’s the theory of gravity (“gravity is only a theory!”) — how gravity works so as to make those facts — that’s kinda underdeveloped. Maybe it’s mass curving space time — though that doesn’t really explain all of it. There is also the suggestion of something called “gravitons” being involved, but that’s kinda like saying tiny invisible elves do it. Which we haven’t ruled out.

Gravity holds the entire universe in place, so it’s pretty frustrating to not really know how it’s doing it so we can make cheap knock off gravity if needed. We don’t know how we angered Science! so that it still won’t reveal to us something so fundamental as how gravity works — maybe it’s the scientific inaccuracies in the Flintstones cartoon — but we will have to work hard to appease Science! with out rationality. Until then, we just assume the facts of gravity are consistent, but if one day you’re struck on the head by a bird that was knocked unconscious by an apple falling upwards, it’s not like we can say for certain that can’t happen.


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29 Responses to “Frank on Science!: Gravity”

  1. Veeshir says:

    Geez, we figured that out in the 60s.

    There’s no such thing as gravity, the Universe sucks.

    The more mass something has, the more it sucks.

    Take a human example, Michael Moore has a lot of mass. He sucks a lot. Al Gore used to be fairly rational back when he was thin. The more mass he got over the years the more he sucked until he reached his present corpulent suckitude.

    That or the elves thing.

  2. storm1911 says:

    Airplanes and rockets and guillotines…gravity spellls fun!!

    It ain’t elves. Its’s space glue.

    Isnlt Graviton a Pokemon and friend of Pikachu?

  3. Cactus says:

    Gravity just won’t play the the rules of Science! Even Einstein couldn’t reconcile gravity with relativity. Light…matter…the weak force…the strong force…and electromagnetism…are all playing ball.

    It’s just that damn gravity that continues to not be a team player and just reconcile itself to play nice with Science!

    Come to think of it….maybe it has something to do with all of the Gravitas that Chris Matthews keeps telling me that is contained within Barry Obama…..another pesky and inexplicable force that just won’t play nice with others.

    Go figure. Science!

  4. Burt says:

    Wow! all this time the only reason I paid any attention to gravity was because I thought it was the law! That’s why that Colorado boy, Falcon, is in trouble. and they just thought he broke the law of gravity.

  5. IH8Socialist says:

    Gravity it’s the law.

  6. Son of Bob says:

    All I know is, it won’t be long before Al Gore begins making speeches about how man is destroying gravity and the way to reverse the destruction of gravity will be to raise taxes.

  7. DesertElephant says:

    They’ve been doing cheap knock-offs of Gravity for years. And it Spelled GravitRon. They have them at the fair. Centrifugal Force is the original cheap knock-off of gravity.

  8. Jimmy says:

    I know one thing: GRAVITY WINS !!

  9. Jimmy says:

    Have you ever wondered why gold (Au – the most non-reactive metal) is the metal-of-choice for little Irish Leprechauns (Frank’s “tiny invisible elves”)? Well, I haven’t because they’re heavier than lead which means Gravity thinks highly of them. (Lead: 11,000 kg/m³, Gold: 19,000 kg/m³). And, I like potatoes and Irish whiskey in my coffee.

  10. DamnCat says:

    “Gravity is a harsh mistress.”
    -The Tick-

  11. IH8Socialist says:

    I wonder with Obama’s head being as big as it is and his ears too I wonder if he has his own gravitational pull?

  12. saveacountryeatalib says:

    You know this has really gotten me thinking of gravity a lot. Nobel peace prize please.

    Gravity really has me down. Har har.

  13. Jonathan Gardner says:

    Yeah, but does gravity have gravitas? Is that why it chose Dick Cheney as its running mate?

  14. EnemyoftheState says:

    What does coffee taste like with potatoes and Trish whiskey in it?

    Is gravity racist when it gets involved with black holes?

  15. General_Buck_Turgidson says:

    Jimmy….you like potatoes in your coffee?

  16. General_Buck_Turgidson says:

    Gaaah! Enemy of the State you beat me to it! Stupid gravity slowing down my e-mails. Or was it the time zones? Either way, it’s clearly Science!’s fault.

  17. General_Buck_Turgidson says:

    p.s. my fiancee is a Science!tist, and a first I thought it would be cool if she could bring her lab coat home, but after reading more and more of Frank’s teachings, I’ve decided to ban it from the house.

  18. MarkoMancuso says:

    I detest gravity. Humans are so clearly better than birds, but gravity has to give the fiends at least a slight advantage.

    Gravity also held down Howard Hughes’s dream plane. How fickle of it.

  19. Terry_Jim says:

    Gravitons MUST be elves- that’d explain the whole flying reindeer and sleigh thing

  20. Sgt Relic says:

    Gravitons are nasty little creatures, much like tiny squirrels, but they make good cookies.

  21. innominatus says:

    We should ask a Trekkie, ‘cuz in Star Trek artificial gravity is as simple as flickin’ a switch. They need to come clean and tell us what’s up with all that.

  22. Live Free Or Die says:

    Science! laughs at Science!-tists that try to make gravity more complicated than Veeshir’s explanation;
    though I might have used the word ‘pulls’ in place of ‘sucks’ in regard to gravity.

  23. Terry_Jim says:

    innominatus, Star Trek artificial gravity
    isn’t science, just science fiction.
    Like Al Gore writes.

  24. 5 of 7 says:

    We won’t really understand gravity until we can turn it into a awesome weapon. Which is more awesome, canceling it over a chosen area and watching ones enemies fall screaming into space, or massively increasing it and just crushing them into jelly, or decreasing it slightly, so we can have flying aircraft carriers, tanks, rocket-firing dinosaurs, etc?

  25. Dohtimes says:

    Science! explains how you can take the hottest heavenly body not named Sarah Palin or SarahK and transform it into a dark icy pit which sucks in all your money and dignity. It’s called the Tiger Woods Lot Of Little Bangs Theory.

  26. Eric says:

    C’mon, gravity is LOVE.

  27. zzyzx says:

    This is what happens when Mean Old Mr. Gravity works in conjunction with his pal Mr. Stupidly….. CORRALITOS, Calif.(AP) – A man with the environmental activist group Earth First has died after a 50-foot fall from a redwood tree in which he’d lived for several weeks.
    Rescue personnel were called to the scene of a logging operation in the Ramsey Gulch area about 20-miles south of San Jose on Tuesday night after loggers heard moans coming from the area where a group of tree-sitters has been camped since August, the group said. It was unclear how long the injured man had been on the ground. ( Actually he didn’t hit the “earth first” because he hit several branches on the way down.) thus proving once again that Darwin was right….as was Sir Isaac Newton.

  28. Choey says:

    Y’all don’t have to worry about how gravity works. As soon as this global warming thing is over, the EPA will discover that there is a manmade gravity shortage and will tax you for the gravity you use.. If you don’t pay the tax, well, we hope you like the idea of floating off into space…

  29. 5of7 says:

    Conserve Gravity! Don’t use elevators, take the stairs instead.

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