Another day, another terrorist, another airplane.
Also, another passenger having to do all the work of subduing this turd. You’d think by now that every airline flight would include at least one non-Muslim ex-Special Forces guy with a loaded Glock and a bellyful of unresolved anger management issues.
In response to this latest attack, the airlines have vowed to keep America safer by… randomly inconveniencing passengers:
Passengers on a flight from New York to Tampa Saturday morning were also told they must remain in their seats and couldn’t have items in their laps, including laptops and pillows.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said [...] the measures “are designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same thing everywhere.”
Um… ok… the guy’s got explosives in his underwear, so they take away… pillows… and laptops.
Now passengers can’t nap and they can’t play Solitaire. People are going to start blowing up planes out of sheer boredom.
But if the goal is irritated passengers, I might as well offer some helpful suggestions:
* In-flight movie: An Inconvenient Truth. Added bonus – the audio track has a half-second lag
* Stewardesses who speak only Lithuanian.
* Have the Captain actually turn off the NO SMOKING sign, but if someone tries to light up, announce that it’s Opposite Day.
* Hire undercover midgets to scream, cry, and kick the back of people’s seats.
* Smallpox infected blankets
* Overhead Thunderdome compartments – “Two bags enter, one bag leaves”.
* Airsickness bags not changed unless full
* Hitting stewardess call button triggers playing of “Poker Face“. Endless loop. No “off” option.
* People not paying attention during the safety lecture will be beaten with the demo seatbelt.
* Safety lecture now includes directions for putting out flaming Muslim underpants.
Any other theories on what changes the airlines will make?