Obama Blames “Right Wing Extremists” for Failed Terror Attack

KAILUA, HAWAII (AP) – Taking a break from his Hawaiian vacation, President Obama addressed the issue of the failed airliner bombing attempt over Detroit by saying that “right wing extremists” were to blame.

Obama vows to protect ‘freedom of ignition’ for Muslims

“As Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano pointed out,” said Obama, “the system works. As President, I’ve done everything in my power to support and encourage ‘man-caused disaster’ attacks on American soil – from not using the ‘T’ word, to treating alleged violent attacks by people of certain religions as criminal nuisances. Judging by the Christmas incident in Detroit, I’d give the system a good, solid B+.”

“Unfortunately,” continued the President, “a right-wing extremist interfered with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s freedom to exercise his religion, and prevented him from fully expressing his opinion about America’s recent vicious attacks on the peaceful land of Yemen. Let me be clear – this sort of repression of universal rights will not be tolerated by this administration. We won’t put up with it from Fox News, and we sure as hell won’t put up with it from some stinking Dutchman. Rest assured that Jasper Schuringa will be held securely in the Guantanamo Bay detention facility pending an appearance before a full military tribunal.”

Under new directives ordered by the Obama administration in the wake of the tragically failed attack, passengers on US domestic and international flights will be prohibited from having pillows, blankets, or “any other material or device” which might be used to put out a fire and interfere with an “enthusiastic expression of political opinion or zealous religious activity”.

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  1. Umar roasted his chestnuts on an open fire (come on – it’s Christmas fer Christ’s sake!)…now he’s in the hospital getting the best health care in the world! His new nuts will be ping-pong balls…don’t know what they’re gonna do ’bout that vienna sausage disaster he has goin’ on there…maybe use his big toe as a replacement?


  2. It’s sometimes hard to tell the true from the false. I half believed this.

    I totally believe that this is the way he thinks even if he wouldn’t come out and say it directly.

    The guy’s a goofball.


  3. Putting Liberals in charge of national security is like getting a cat for home security. At most you’ll get some passive aggressive days later poop in the shoe of you the owner and victim.

    I dont care much for republicans but they take their duty as guard dog seriously. Even if they are prone to barking at nearby strangers on the border of your home and occasionally bite hippies. But when danger strikes that dog will sacrifice himself defending that home and his family/owner.


  4. The ACLU dropped the ball today.
    They issued a statement that the full-body X-ray scanners the Dutch said they’re going to install in their airports, which would have detected the underwear bomb before the bomber had a chance to bar-b-Q his junk, would be an unconstitutional invasion of personal privacy and they (the ACLU) will fight to prevent them being installed at US airports.
    From their sick point of view it would have been much more fun to let the equipment be installed (at great expense, no doubt) and THEN sue to have them all removed.



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