Archive for January, 2010

IMAO Reader Theater: “A Public Service Announcement”

Sunday, January 31, 2010 6:00 pm

Fistful of Donuts presents: “A Public Service Announcement”


[Xtranormal direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it isn’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

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IMAO Reader Theater: “Barack on the Block”

Saturday, January 30, 2010 6:00 pm

The Big Feed presents: “Barack on the Block”


[YouTube direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

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From Obama’s Enemies List

Saturday, January 30, 2010 10:12 am

[via I Can Has Cheezburger]

UPDATE 4PM: Commenter px115 is right, this cat needs Nancy Pelosi’s “Sweating to the Socialists” workout video:

[YouTube direct link]

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IMAO Reader Theater: “Obamalpractice”

Friday, January 29, 2010 6:00 pm

Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation! presents: “Obamalpractice”


[Xtranormal direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

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How Does One Get to Be a Scientist?

Friday, January 29, 2010 3:03 pm

So what does one have to do to be technically classified as a scientist? Because I want to be one, because then I can release my blog posts to the press and the press will be like, “Scientists say that the best solution for world peace is nuking the moon. Also, scientists warn of the need for dinosaurs armed with rocket launchers to meet future needs of the military.”

So how does one get called a scientist? I like to think and stuff, and I have a bachelors in science. And I’m very, very smart. I want a scientist badge to wear so everyone knows to believe everything I say. So how do I get one?

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Solution for KSM Trial

Friday, January 29, 2010 1:01 pm

So they’re thinking of moving KSM’s trial to someplace other than New York City since Obama is a total screw up at everything and obviously doesn’t think things through. I have a solution to make everyone happy, though. Let’s just say we’ve got an agreement with Aquaman and the Atlanteans to try KSM. Then the liberals will be like, “That’s great, because the Atlanteans are sophisticated people; they’re not like the savages in America.” Then we’ll tie KSM to a big a rock and throw him in the sea while wishing him a good trial and the liberals will applaud that civility had won out.

The secret is though: There is no Atlantis. KSM will just end up sitting at the bottom of the ocean and have his eyes eaten by crabs. Poetic justice, really.

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They Hate Us for Our Carbon Footprint

Friday, January 29, 2010 11:03 am

New champion of fighting global warming climate change: Osama bin Laden.

In his latest tape (is he actually still recording things to tape?), bin Laden called for “drastic solutions” to global warming, and “not solutions that partially reduce the effect of climate change.” I remember a while ago bin Laden had a tape where he basically ran through every liberal talking point, and now he’s demanding action on climate change? So if you thought no one listened to liberals, well apparently terrorists do. You’d almost expect Osams’s next missive to be a diary on the Daily Kos.

So now not only do we have to convert to Islam to keep terrorists from blowing us up, but we also have to fight the left’s made up problems. What’s next? Osama is going to threaten to attack us unless we return Ted Kennedy’s seat to the Democrats? He’ll blow up a daycare unless we get a public option?

Republicans should seize on this and put out ads saying, “We opposes the cap & trade measures supported by Obama and Osama bin Laden.” Just don’t mix up Obama’s and Osama’s names as that’s getting easier than ever.

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Random Thoughts

Friday, January 29, 2010 9:03 am

My wife wants our dog to be more like the cats, but I’d rather my pit bull not randomly attack me when she’s bored.

Hitler makes everything funnier. Except war.

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Punch him in the face and you shut him up now.

Never read Zinn, but he seemed like a favorite of pretentious Hollywood types who wanted to think they were smart.

I use my brain for thinking and, when running, ballast.

“Dana Bash” is a good name for the alterego of She-Hulk.

Oh. For a second I was pretty scared there. I thought the president said he was going to make a new high-speed quail.

I read “Catcher in the Rye”, but all I remember was the main character getting beaten up over a prostitute and I think there was ice skating

If something has corn syrup in it, it should count as a serving of vegetables.

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IMAO Reader Theater: “The Queen”

Thursday, January 28, 2010 6:00 pm

Ronnie of LMAObama presents: “The Queen”


[Xtranormal direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

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The Clothes’ New Emperor

Thursday, January 28, 2010 5:18 pm

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

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Don’t Celebrate the Demise of Liberals Yet

Thursday, January 28, 2010 3:04 pm

A lot of us thought the election of Scott Brown was a pretty clear rejection of liberals ideology by the American people, but Keith Olbermann makes a pretty good point as to why we shouldn’t interpret it that way:

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The iPad

Thursday, January 28, 2010 1:02 pm

So, that iPad is pretty neat, huh? It’s like an iPhone, but bigger. It’s like the perfect device to use when you’re walking from your laptop to your iPhone.

Okay, I don’t really understand what it’s for, but it’s from Apple so I’m guessing it’s pretty slick. I think I’ll get one because I don’t want to be left out if this is the next big thing. I’d hate it if everyone was all smiley and happy with their iPads and doing cool high tech stuff and they looked at me and were like, “Where’s your iPad?”

And I’m like, “I don’t have an iPad.”

And then they’d stare at me in horror and be like, “So why don’t you just kill yourself?”

I mean, the iPad could revolutionize the way we do… something. I may make fun of the iPad, but I also made fun of the internet and was like, “Information? What do I need that for?” Well, ends up the internet is starting to look like it’s kinda useful. I also made fun of the Segway, though, and that ended up being kinda prescient.

But the iPad could be the next big thing. We’ll one day say, “What did people do before the iPad? It’s hard to imagine!”

And another person will say, “They just sat around in circles smashing each other in the face with rocks. That’s how primitive they were.”

Ooh. I think I can read comic books on it. Neato!

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My Reaction to the State of the Union of the Address

Thursday, January 28, 2010 11:04 am

Actually, I didn’t see any of it. At all. Well, I saw that one clip where Obama was talking about that recent Supreme Court decision and Alito was shaking his head and mouthing, “Not true.”

So that’s my reaction: Not true. Obama said a lot of things that were not true.

But man, it got crazy when Obama saw Alito and was like, “What did you just say?”

And Alito was like, “I said, ‘Not true’. Did those Dumbo ears you have miss that?”

And Obama was all angry and screamed, “Shouldn’t you be filming a new episode of Jersey Shore, guido?”

And Alito was like, “That’s it, Twiggy! You’re going down!”

And Alito ran up and tackled Obama, and Biden was all scared, flailing his arms about and yelling, “Biden scared!” And Nancy Pelosi just stood there in a trance, staring forward and blinking rapidly.

And then Alito lifted Obama over his head and yelled, “I am now president!” Which makes him now president by the rules in the Constitution… according to Alito. He’s a Supreme Court Justice, so he would know.

Best. State of the Union Address. Ever. Next time I’ll definitely pay to watch it on Pay-Per-View.

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Random Thoughts

Thursday, January 28, 2010 9:16 am

They should counter Tim Tebow’s Super Bowl ad with an ad of a woman saying how awesome her life turned out because of an abortion. Optimally, you’d want someone who was aborted saying how happy he was to be aborted, but that’s kinda hard.

Oh, you could have someone who wasn’t aborted talk about how horrible his life turned out to be.

“Know who didn’t abort her baby? Hitler’s mother.”

Obama says he’d be happy to be a very good one term president. He’s not arrogant enough to compare himself to Polk, is he?

It would be awesome if during the SOTU Obama is interrupted by Kanye West.

The iPad looks like an iPhone meant to go with novelty size sunglasses.

With all these big devices, we’re all going to have to start carrying rucksacks like Jack Bauer. “It’s not a purse!”

Impress me, Apple! Tell me this device will fill that void in my life I’d usually go to Jesus for.

To get with the times, I’ll be releasing a new version of my blog: iIMAO.

There is no ‘i’ in “team” unless it’s one of those newfangled iTeams.

So is Obama going to give an opinion on the iPad, or is he not going to say anything worth tuning in for?

I don’t think Chris Matthews is a racist; he’s just your everyday idiot.

I forgot Obama was black too until he started rapping halfway in.

I never like listening to speeches anyway; but I loves me the punditry that comes afterwards!

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Or You Could Turn It Into A Drinking Game

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 8:59 pm

Barely in time for the Big Speech

SOTU Bingo Cards.

I notice the word “terrorists” isn’t on there.

UPDATE: He said “terrorists”! Everybody chug!

UPDATE: Ok, you have to drink every time Pelosi licks her lips.

I swear, there was less tongue-flicking in “Snakes on a Plane”.

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IMAO Reader Theater: “Lunch with wife – corrected”

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 6:00 pm

Ryan presents: “Lunch with wife – corrected”

CAUTION: Rated “Family Guy/South Park” due to adult themes.


[Xtranormal direct link]

Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

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Now You’ll Have no Evidence You Saw the Constitution

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 3:01 pm

Flash photography is soon going to be banned from the National Archive. Basically, Congress and the President were getting tired of every timed they claimed one of their programs in Constitutional, someone would snap a picture of the Constitution and show them they were wrong. So without photos is it will be like:

CONGRESS: What I’m doing is like totally Constitutional.

CITIZEN: No it isn’t! I just saw the Constitution and what you’re doing is wrong.

CONGRESS: You’re probably just remembering the Constitution wrong.

CITIZEN: No. I’d show you a picture of it, but the people at the National Archives threatened to yell at me. Maybe you can just go over there with me and I can show you.

CONGRESS: Nah, I’m too busy. Guards, have this man executed for dissension.

CITIZEN: You can’t have guards execute me! That’s not Constitutional!

CONGRESS: You can’t prove that.

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What Obama Should Say in His State of the Union Address

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 1:03 pm

The State of the Union address is tonight, and President Obama has a bit of a problem since the state of our union isn’t exactly… well… good. What exactly is Obama supposed to say? “It sucks, and a lot of it is because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Plus, Obama is on prime time TV talking like all the time, so what could he possibly have left to say?

Still, I like being helpful, so here’s what I think Obama should say:

“Hey, America, what’s up? So, what do you all think the state of the union is? I think it’s awesome, except for one thing: It’s full of whiners.

“I think things are doing pretty well here. Ever look at like poor countries in Africa? We’re doing like way better than any of them — light years better. Or look at Haiti; doing way better than Haiti. Pretty nice here, actually; we got like food and TV and stuff. Still, everyone is complaining and like, ‘I don’t have enough money, and I’m unemployed! Waaah!’ I have a clear message for you: Shut up. No one cares. Raise your hand if you’re dead. No hands? See, could be a lot worse.

“Still, everyone is all yelling at me and like, ‘You’re a socialist! You’re recklessly spending all our money!’ Hey, do I go to your job and criticize you? I don’t even know what you; I don’t even care really. A lot of you don’t even have jobs to criticize, so shut up.

“And then there are those who think I’m a failure because a guy almost exploded his underwear. What was I supposed to do there? I ain’t checking everybody’s underwear; I ain’t some perv. You be a perv and do it.

“So, I think I’m doing pretty well — a B+ job — and you all are just a bunch of stupid whiners. Well, I don’t bow to you — I bow to foreign monarchs, but not you — so shut up. I hate you all.”

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Fear the Boom and Bust

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 11:02 am

Awesome rap video explaining the two opposing philosophies of John Maynard Keynes and F. A. Hayek:

I accused Obama of being a Keynesian and got called a birther.

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Random Thoughts

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 9:04 am

Obama has announced a Democrats freeze in Congress and won’t be adding any new Democrats in the foreseeable future.

I wish I could be more like my dog and enjoy the simple things in life like biting children.

Sign of the time? An e-mailers who always goes on about Obama’s birth certificate has finally gone back to the subject of illegal immigration.

I’m guessing O’Keefe’s latest effort will get mainstream attention quicker.

Wow, conservatives really turn on their own quickly when they do something inexcusable.

Liberals don’t care when they’re heroes leave women to die at the bottom of a river; why are we so worked up over wiretapping? I think it’s standards that held us back all these years.

So what exactly is so interesting about Mary Landrieau that’s worth committing a felony over?

Mass Effect 2! I’ll support whichever political party will get more time to play videogames.

I accused Obama of being a Keynesian and got called a birther.

It’s not the Stone Age anymore; there’s no reason I should have to have the disk in my computer to play the game.

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