Imaginary Attacks
Hackers stole carbon credits in Europe!
Yeah, I have no idea how that works. So are we more polluted now?
Anyway, since the governments in Europe made carbon credits pretty much mandatory, people decided to steal them if they aren’t like actual things. And the hackers didn’t stop there. Here’s the other things they stole:
* Unicorns
* Magic beans
* The personal information of all honest lawyers
* The money Bill Gates was going to send everyone if they forwarded his e-mail
* The “peace” in Islam
* A six-foot rabbit named Harvey
* Our strategic reserve of griffins
* The jobs Obama saved or created
If the hackers stole anything from you, report it to the FBI or your nearest leprechaun.
(29 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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February 5th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
wow… I never thought I would see someone actually succeed in a snipe hunt.
February 5th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
They stole my dreams and burned them.
February 5th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Harvey is a six-foot, bearded rabbit ??
February 5th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
The hackers stole my carbon credits too. I tried to report it to my nearest leprechaun, but he told me there was no such thing as carbon credits. I think he’s still pissed about that proportional beating you gave him a while back.
February 5th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
* Blight-free Irish potatoes.
* German pacifists.
* Obama’s wit.
February 5th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
I don’t worry about such things. If anyone were to ever hijack my bank account, or the dollar were to ever completely tank, I’ve got enough World of Warcraft gold stockpiled that my family is way secure.
February 5th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Did the carbon credit hackers find Obama’s Birth Certificate by any chance??
February 5th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
*Ellie Light; although that’s more a case of kidnapping than theft
*Allahpundit’s optimism.
*Frank’s moon nuke stockpile
*Fred Thompson’s skinny jeans and v-neck t-shirts
*SarahK’s “Team I Hate Twilight and Everything Associated With It” t-shirt
*Nickelback’s talent
*Kanye West’s humility
February 5th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Bastards stole my Super Bowl tickets!! Thank God they were counterfeit.
February 5th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Other things the hackers obsconded with:
*Frank’s virginity
*Biden’s brain
*oubuhmas unicorn delivery system.
February 5th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Harvey.
February 5th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Oh. And that monkey too.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Someone stole Harvey? We have to get him back no matter what cost!
I’m in for a quarter.
February 5th, 2010 at 11:28 pm
The tax cut 95% of all Americans were supposed to get.
February 6th, 2010 at 8:53 am
They also stole Charlie Sheen’s SUSV and then parked it upside down at the bottom of a ravine. Thus proving that while they can steal…they can not rob.
February 6th, 2010 at 10:57 am
With no apologies to Dragnet…
Det. Joe Friday: Let me get this straight; you’re telling me that the Europeans have created a bunch of imaginary goods?
Det. Bill Gannon: That’s about right.
Det. Joe Friday: And people are paying millions of dollars for these imaginary goods?
Det. Bill Gannon: Uh huh.
Det. Joe Friday: Now somebody has stolen those imaginary goods.
Det. Bill Gannon: Think it’s an inside job?
Det. Joe Friday: Maybe. The perpetrators will have to fence them somewhere. It looks like we’ll have to stake out all the imaginary pawn shops. Either that or we’ll have to conduct an imaginary investigation. How about coffee, Bill.
Det. Bill Gannon: Sure, Joe.
Cue music.
February 6th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Geez, is there no honor among thieves? What’s up them with scamming the EUniks scam?
I can see their defense if they’re ever caught, “Two wrongs make a right your honor.”
February 6th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
#17 Just about hit the nail on the head. Though we need a robot theater of that exchange.
February 7th, 2010 at 2:35 am
I’m still trying to figure out why anyone would name their monkey, Harvey.
February 7th, 2010 at 5:29 am
They stole my Nigerian Bank Account, My Irish and British Lottery Winnings! Darn!
February 7th, 2010 at 8:49 am
So if you name your monkey Harvey…… and the monkey is bad….. is it OK to spank your Harvey? Cause ever since PETA got all uppity I heard you werent supposed to spank your monkey anymore… but really, what are ya gonna do? Have you ever tried to get a Monkey to go to the “time out” corner without the incentitve of a whack or two? I really miss being able to openly spank my monkey….. now Im forced to be a closet monkey spanker……
And now I have offcially beaten the Monkey Spank meme to death…….. in a closet
February 8th, 2010 at 2:32 am
They stole the identity of the real killer.