Random Thoughts

Posted by Frank J. on February 11, 2010 at 9:22 am

The worst terrorist attack imaginable would be one on children… unless they’re fat kids. Then that helps us.

I’m not saying fat kids are less than human; the problem is that they’re more than human. Much much more.

I hope someone does some ambush journalism on fat kids asking them the question on everyone’s lips: “Why are you so fat?!”

Buzz is awesome! (buzz is the hipster nickname I gave honey; mmm, honey is sweet)

I’m so badass I once gunned down a tree in cold blood.

Today’s music isn’t nearly funky enough.

Our kids are too fat, but our beat aren’t nearly phat enough.

Starbuck’s hillbilly boyfriend is very competitive for most boring, pointless 24 subplot ever.

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12 Responses to “Random Thoughts”

  1. MarkoMancuso says:

    Starbuck’s hillbilly boyfriend is very competitive for most boring, pointless 24 subplot ever.

    How wrong you are, Frank! Said subplot has me on the edge of my seat with my excitement!

  2. Jimmy says:

    “I’m so badass I once gunned down a tree in cold blood.”

    Yeah? Well, I’m so badass I routinely do the chainsaw massacre thing on the poor bastards. Then I burn ‘em to hell to keep the planet warm snowy. The only time I hug a tree is when I’m carrying chopped-up tree innards to my airtight.

    I think I’ve got you beat, Frank.

  3. Maripat says:

    Hey, if the hillbilly boyfriend subplot gets Dana busted and fired then it will all be worth it! I detest that girl!

  4. IH8Socialist says:

    I’m so badass I once gunned down a tree in cold blood.

    Oh yeah well I killed a tree with my car, of course I killed the car too.

  5. zzyzx says:

    While I have never actually killed a tree with my car I did once kill a telephone pole with my car. I didn’t kill my car in the process but it did sustain a major wound.

  6. DamnCat says:

    Lay off the fat kids. Anyone that Michelle Obama hates is OK with me.

  7. Son of Bob says:

    “I hope someone does some ambush journalism on fat kids asking them the question on everyone’s lips: ‘Why are you so fat?!’”

    Why hasn’t Oprah weighed in (pardon the pun) on the fat kid controversy? Didn’t she spend about two decades convincing housewives that it was perfectly normal to be fat, and that fat people shouldn’t be criticized?

  8. Ussjimmycarter says:

    So when does Rosie do an ad against fat people! I will go outside and let a tree kill me when I see that!

  9. storm1911 says:

    A Rosie vs. MBo Texas chainsaw match !!! I’d pay to see that. My bet would be on the Klingon.

    True story. Buddy and I had a really big overly powerful game rifle. First shot went through 14 trees of various sizes, downing six of them. And the bullet went so ddep into a hillside we could not recover it. We found a bigger and better backstiop.

  10. Dohtimes says:

    When a tree looks at Jimmy funny he waves his chainsaw around and says don’t be a sap, sucker! Sometimes he says your bark is worse than your bite, beech! Once he went all medieval on their ash.

  11. 4of7 says:

    Random thought: Has anyone been punched by Iran today?
    Didn’t think so.

  12. Jimmy says:

    Dohtimes likes to branch out and pick the low-hanging fruit jokes! Heh.

    If I had a heart wood I cut you off and get at the root of the problem before leaving? Of cores I wood.

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