St. Patrick’s Day
Today is St. Patrick’s Day, the day we celebrate how we chased all the drunken, subhuman Irish out of America by throwing potatoes at them. No one knows what happened to them, but rumors say the Irish hide in burrows underground and sneak in our houses through our basements or crawl spaces to raid our liquor cabinets. That’s why we celebrate today by trying to drink all our liquor before the Irish get to it.
(27 votes, average: 4.19 out of 5)
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March 17th, 2010 at 11:05 am
The liquor is safe, teddys dead.
March 17th, 2010 at 11:28 am
They’re a real blight on society, Frank.
March 17th, 2010 at 11:28 am
And we have all yer gold while we swagger arrround drinkin’ yer liccorrr, we do. And all them potatoes find new homes up yer ass, they are!
March 17th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Hey! Leave the Irish alone! If it weren’t for them, who’d the Belgians make fun of?
March 17th, 2010 at 11:35 am
Just once on those old Irish Spring commercials when the one goober is slicing the bar with his knife I would have liked to see his buddy walk up and say:
“Aye n’ Sean. What the ***k da ya’ think ya’ be doin’?”
March 17th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Meanwhile, while these Irish sneak around, silently drinking a little of your booze, apparently the Kenyan tradition is to be all over your TV set 24/7, while running wild trying to steal your freedoms and take your money. I kinda prefer the Irish traditions.
March 17th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
“Today is St. Patrick’s Day, the day we celebrate how we chased all the drunken, subhuman Irish out of America by throwing potatoes at them.”
That isn’t a hate crime now is it????
March 17th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Attention Wal-Mart shoppers,
Will all of the Irish please leave the store
March 17th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
St. Patrick was not Irish. True story.
‘The Quiet Man’ is required viewing on St. Patrick’s Day.
Maureen O’Hara, Grace Kelly, and Maureen Sullivan are reason enough to keep immigrating the Irish.
St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. That would explain the Kennedys being in America, I guess.
March 17th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
I can’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day anymore. With the Obama economy htere is no green in my wallet.
I guess us Scots have to settle for Sean Connery day.
March 17th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
My Scots half enjoyed a wee dram of spirits now and then. Me Irish half was a fraking lush.
March 17th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Don’t forget, we also mate with your women until the entire world is Irish!
March 17th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
But, do you remember the tag line of the Irish Spring commercials?
“Irish yes, but men like it too.”
March 17th, 2010 at 7:06 pm
In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.
Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit!(Happy St. Patrick’s Day.) St. Patrick’s Day Blessing On You. Peace be with you (Síochán leat). 3 more bits of Gaelic of use for today:
Give me the same as the man on the floor!
Tabhair dom an rud céanna mar atá ag an fhear ar an t-úrlar! and of course:
My trousers are on fire!
“Tá mo bhríste trí thine!”
Oh and the most important Gaelic for today:
Tiocfaidh ár lá (Our day will come)!
March 17th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
To all the beautiful, busty Erins, today on St. Patrick’sDay, I bid you,’Erin Go Braghless”
March 17th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I’m a hybrid, German/Irish. I don’t sneak into your house. I just walk into the front door. Speak of the wonders of the great human adventure and then drink your last beer.
March 17th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
“May you be in heaven an hour before the Devil even knows you’re dead.” Old Irish Blessing from a somewhat old Irish Grandmother.
Jimmy boyo, you are my hero, ya darlin’ man ya !
March 17th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
When your culture is mainly known for drinking and fighting, you must be doing something right.
March 17th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
“we celebrate today by trying to drink all our liquor before the Irish get to it.”
Good luck with that… You amateurs don’t stand a chance against our genetically superior Irish livers. Go drink your BudLight Dutch-Boy. You can’t handle the Guiness!
March 17th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
The fearless reader claimed he was Irish on his mother’s side today.
Berry O’bamaugh?
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everybody!
March 18th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
REAL beer is too dark to dye green.
March 18th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Seanmahair be a great lass in everyone’s dreams, you are.