A way to see if waterboarding is effective is to mandate its use for all politicians to see if it can get them to tell the truth.
A refried bean swastika? I thought we defeated the Mexi-Nazis in WWIII: The Search for Spock!
“Epistemic closure”? Sounds like something a doctor would prescribe a funny-smelling cream for.
Democrats can question people’s patriotism without controversy because no one takes them seriously on that issue.
I have a horrible wife. She takes way too long to cook me homemade quesadillas for lunch.
Liberals are threatening to stay out of Arizona. If the bill also got hippies to threaten to bathe, if would be the greatest bill ever.
Why do they make maternity clothes but not paternity clothes? I plan to get fat too.
Talk about how green something is and you can make yourself feel good. Make something save money and you can help the environment. Personal benefit is always going to be a million times greater a motivator than some religious green experience.
Pollution is inefficiency, and the best system we have to fight inefficiency are free markets.
Too much arguing. We either need to start loving each other or get better at killing each other so as to make the point moot.
“Gentile” is Hebrew for “gringo”.
If I had to choose only ten sites on the internet and lose access to all others, tvtropes.org would be one of them.
Last week, Frank J. asked for help regarding voting for his Congressman. And that gave me the courage to ask for help. So here goes: I need a new bumper sticker.
Okay, I don’t actually have a sticker on the bumper of my car. I have one on the window. And it really needs to come down.
Here’s my current sticker. It’s left over from the 2008 election.
Now, yes, I know, it’s pretty lame to keep a bumper (or window) sticker up after the election. And I’m lame for still having it up.
But, I want to let people know this: I did not vote for Barack Obama.
Leaving the McCain sticker on was a way of saying that. But, it’s still lame to have an election sticker after the election. Particularly 540 days after the election.
So, I need to change my bumper sticker. And I want something that, at a glance, can be seen to convey what I want to convey. Nothing wordy.
I thought about the Republican logo…
… but I’m not a Republican. I’m not a member of any political party. And I don’t want to get any more letters or email from Michael Steele.
I don’t think I want that.
So, I need some ideas.
I want to communicate the following ideas in as few words as possible:
- No, I didn’t vote for Barack Obama
- Yes, you’re an idiot if you did
First Chris Matthews compared Obama to Teddy Roosevelt, now the New York Times is comparing Obama to William McKinley.
And we all know the horrible fate that befell McKinley, right?:
The William McKinley assassination occurred on September 6, 1901, at the Temple of Music in Buffalo, New York. United States President William McKinley, attending the Pan-American Exposition, was shot twice by Leon Czolgosz, an anarchist.
And keep in mind that this isn’t some sort of casual, off-hand comparison. The point of the Times article is that Obama IS A WORSE PERSON THAN MCKINLEY because Obama didn’t invite the press into the Builtmore Estate.
But evidently the manse once owned by George W. Vanderbilt had no room for the reporters and photographers who follow the president everywhere he goes. They were left to stand outside in the rain, seeking shelter under the overhang of a guest cottage.
By contrast, an article in The New York Times from 1897 circulating among reporters on Air Force One on Sunday afternoon had this headline: “McKinley Visits Biltmore — Refuses to Enter George Vanderbilt’s House Unless His Newspaper Guests Can Go Along.”
I hereby denounce the New York Times’ irresponsible encouragement of dangerously unhinged anarchists. This country can’t afford such seditious rumblings in these troubled times.
Have you no shame, good sirs?
I’m always looking for new ideas for improving elections. The Founding Fathers did a pretty good job with their Constitution, but one day we’ll probably have to start over and do another and hopefully we’ve learned a few things to add some new stuff to improve things.
So here’s my idea: Every election year, we spin a big wheel, kind like the Wheel of Fortune wheel. And one of the spaces is labeled “Super Crazy Fun Election Time”. If that space is landed on, every elected official loses his job and has to be replaced with someone else. It’ll be wacky crazy fun!
There can be other spaces on the wheel to like “Veterans Get Two Votes”, “No Women Suffrage Bonus Round”, and “Election Winners to Be Picked Randomly from Phone Book”. It’ll make election year exciting!
What would you want on the Election Year Wheel of Chance?
The left were recently saying how invidious Nazi comparisons that a single protest sign by a Lyndon LaRouche supporter that compared Obama to Hitler got a ton of notice, but look what’s happened since the Arizona illegal immigration bill passed.
THE LEFT HAVE TO WATCH THEIR RHETORIC BEFORE THEY GET SOMEONE KILLED!!!!11!!!11!!1!!!!elventy1!!1
Isn’t comparing everyone who disagrees with you to Nazis a Nazi tactic? I mean, the Nazis would compare anyone they disagreed with to whoever what the most hated group at the time to avoid rational discussion and keep things on an emotional level; that’s what comparisons to Nazis these days is. Why if the Nazis had hatred of Nazis to use in their propaganda, they’d be unstoppable!
Anyway, here’s a point of comparison you should look for before you make the Nazi comparison: GENOCIDE!
Yes, the Nazi’s were uber-patriotic, socialist, and wore shiny boots, but I don’t think any of those things were the reasons they are thought of as especially evil in history… you know, compared to the genocide. I thought the genocide was the really bad thing, but maybe I’m just focusing on the wrong stuff.
I bet a few of you figured this out when you read how scientists are working on a t-shirt that is bulletproof and radiation-proof, but it’s finally time for a new IMAO t-shirt!
Go! Buy now!
It’s been a while since I came out with a new shirt, so you’ve probably all been walking around shirtless. But no more! Now you can bring IMAO with you everywhere in shirt form!
So what are the advantages of the Top 10 Democrat Party Slogans t-shirt, you ask? Here they are:
FACTS ABOUT NEW IMAO T-SHIRT:
* It counts as proof of citizenship in Arizona.
* It infuses all your hugs with extra love.
* It’s the perfect attire for a Tea Party to make sure people don’t mistake you for one of those Tea Partiers who supports what the Democrats are doing.
* If Obama sees one, it will upset him so much the he won’t finish his waffles.
* It will give you bursts of SUPER DOUBLE EXTRA GENIUS so you can know what it’s like to be me.
* It will give you the power to spot ninjas.
* Liberals will not be able to accuse you of being violent or racist, as they will be struck dead by the great power that protects the shirt and its wearer.
* If you buy one, I will be your very best friend.
So buy one now! Or two! Or three! And please note that a portion of the proceeds for every shirt purchased will go towards the IMAO baby so we don’t have to dress him in old potato sacks.
How about instead of figuring out who technically is or isn’t a journalist, we all just get the same rights?
It’s pretty hard to tell if the AZ law actually is bad through the hysterical overreactions.
I’ll believe Congress is serious about handling the cause of the financial mess when they all commit seppuku.
I can never tell high praise from mockery.
Feature of the new $100 bill that is.
I was watching the video that explains all the fancy features of the new currency, and there (about 3/4 of the way through) I saw it – the single best line from the Declaration of Independence, clear as day, right over the number:
“That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government”
It’s like every $100 bill has a Tea Party commercial printed on it.
Don’t tell Obama.
This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at email@example.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From me (Harvey):
From Terry_Jim of The Lazy Half S Ranch:
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with (hat tip Stephen
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.
Send your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.