Someone in the New York Times was saying that while we currently have 5,113 nukes, we only need 311. I’m not sure how he got to that number (because then I’d have to read like the whole article), but does that sound even close to enough? Let’s say we got in a war with everybody — we couldn’t even nuke every major city with that few nukes.
Think of all the uses there are for nukes. There’s war with other countries — or just when we get really mad at another country. And then there’s asteroids heading for earth we may need to blow up. And possibly alien attacks. Or a city may get overtaken by zombies, and we have to neutralize it. Or there’s just a really large amount of brush that needs clearing. Or we don’t like how the moon is looking at us. Or we need to wake Godzilla. Or we’re just really bored and want to see a cool explosion. Does 5,113 even sound like enough for all that?
I’m okay with reducing our official number of nukes to 311 if that may get other countries to drop their guard, but then we should secretly raise our actual number of nukes to a nice big number like 100,000. We’ll just have to hide them well. Like every streetlight in New York City: A launchable nuke. People are all worried about us having too many nukes, but can you think of anything worse than needing a nuke and not having one?
No you can’t.