“I’m here to stop the oil leak!” President Obama announced as he approached the oil-soaked beach.
“Oh,” the BP official said, “I didn’t think you were going to help.”
“I have been helping,” Obama said, “I’ve been yelling at you to do better. That’s a sort of helping. But then I thought of a way to stop the oil leak for good. Know what that method is?”
“Well… I guess we could–”
“Science!” Obama shouted gleefully. “I thought maybe we could use Science! to stop it.”
“Actually, we’ve been using–”
“I got all the best scientific minds together,” Obama continued, “and they were like, ‘Stop bothering us, Obama!’ Then they made fun of my ears. They were mean scientists and I don’t like them anymore. But in the end, Professor Science! agreed to come and use Science! to stop the oil leak.”
A man in an impressive white lab coat holding a test tube approached the shore. “It is I: Professor Science!, and I will stop this leak using… Science!”
“Yay!” Obama exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly.
“Now stand back, laymen,” Professor Science! said. “Make room for… Science!” Professor Science! approached the shore and held his test tube high. “By the power of Science!, I command the leak to stop!”
Everyone was silent for a few moments, waiting to see if anything happened. “Did it work?” Obama finally asked.
“The Science! on whether an oil leak is slowing is… complicated,” Professor Science! said, “but I think it’s… um… yeah, it’s slowing.”
“Yay for Science!” Obama shouted. “Well, I guess we’re done here. I’m going to go to Arizona now and yell at them for being racist.” He started heading away with Professor Science, telling him, “I read that it was racist on the internet.”
“The internet was made with Science!”
Alone on the shore, the BP official bowed his head. “I wish I thought of using Science!.”