The Russians are suggesting we nuke the oil the spill. Usually I’m all for nuking stuff, but I’m a little suspicious about this. According to the Russians, when they have oil spills, they say to the oil spill, “I must break you,” nuke it, yell, “Dah!”, and then drink a lot of vodka. Now, the yelling, “Dah!” and drinking lots of vodka part does sound like something the Russians would do, but they may have just thrown that in the story to make it sound less made up. I really wonder if this is all some trick from them to get us to do something stupid so they can laugh at us — just like their advice was the last nine time (they’re still cracking jokes about how we launched a whale into space).
Still, we don’t have any better ideas, and it’s not like Mexico is going to do anything even though it’s their gulf. BTW, who names something like that? “Gulf of Mexico.” That’s like us naming the Mississippi River the “River of the U.S.” just so everybody knew it was ours. Seems a little insecure. And the whole oil spill reminds me of the illegal immigration problem. We don’t want Mexicans illegally flowing into the U.S., and we also don’t want oil flowing into the ocean. I guess we should just be thankful for the pretty colors the oil is adding and not try to do anything to stop it because that would be racist. And I guess it’s all really our fault for drilling for Mexicans.
Whoa; I really digressed there. Anywho, let’s go ahead and nuke the oil spill. We have plenty of nukes we’re not using, and what’s the worst that could happen? We kill a few dolphins, ocotopi, and Atlanteans? Plus, nuking something would certainly make President Obama look less like a wuss. He could be all like, “That’s right! I nuke stuff! You should call be Barack A-bama because I dropped a bomb!”
He’d be so cool then; the Democrats would probably win all the elections in November.
So do it! Do it now! I’m totally not tricking you to make you look stupid, Obama.