Nuke the Oil Spill

Posted on May 5, 2010 3:01 pm

The Russians are suggesting we nuke the oil the spill. Usually I’m all for nuking stuff, but I’m a little suspicious about this. According to the Russians, when they have oil spills, they say to the oil spill, “I must break you,” nuke it, yell, “Dah!”, and then drink a lot of vodka. Now, the yelling, “Dah!” and drinking lots of vodka part does sound like something the Russians would do, but they may have just thrown that in the story to make it sound less made up. I really wonder if this is all some trick from them to get us to do something stupid so they can laugh at us — just like their advice was the last nine time (they’re still cracking jokes about how we launched a whale into space).

Still, we don’t have any better ideas, and it’s not like Mexico is going to do anything even though it’s their gulf. BTW, who names something like that? “Gulf of Mexico.” That’s like us naming the Mississippi River the “River of the U.S.” just so everybody knew it was ours. Seems a little insecure. And the whole oil spill reminds me of the illegal immigration problem. We don’t want Mexicans illegally flowing into the U.S., and we also don’t want oil flowing into the ocean. I guess we should just be thankful for the pretty colors the oil is adding and not try to do anything to stop it because that would be racist. And I guess it’s all really our fault for drilling for Mexicans.

Whoa; I really digressed there. Anywho, let’s go ahead and nuke the oil spill. We have plenty of nukes we’re not using, and what’s the worst that could happen? We kill a few dolphins, ocotopi, and Atlanteans? Plus, nuking something would certainly make President Obama look less like a wuss. He could be all like, “That’s right! I nuke stuff! You should call be Barack A-bama because I dropped a bomb!”

He’d be so cool then; the Democrats would probably win all the elections in November.

So do it! Do it now! I’m totally not tricking you to make you look stupid, Obama.

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21 Responses to “Nuke the Oil Spill”

  1. storm1911 says:

    Barack A-bomba. Kinda works.

    We could, like, pretend to nuke the spill, miss, and hit Cuba. Then we could say”Oops, our bad.Let’s try again.” and the next time get Chavez, and say “oops” again. Just keep missing until our enemies in the Latin America are all nuked, and then hit the spill. Blame it on the space aliens messing with our GPS. Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinech would buy it, so all the liberals would. And Obam could call himsef A-Bomba, and be da man. for once.

  2. Veeshir says:

    Mad Magazine was way ahead of their time.

    Nuke the Whales!!!

  3. Proud Infidel says:

    I like your idea, storm1911. Everytime we miss and hit some enemy of the US we can smack our forehead and say something like DOH or My Bad just to show it was really a mistake. They’ll believe it.

    Howver, please note that as long as Michelle is around, Obama could never really be da man.

  4. Lewis says:

    Don’t start biatching about the Gulf of Mexico’s name.

    You don’t want to be seen as being as whiny as the Saudis – who are apparently upset that the Persian Gulf isn’t called the Arabian Gulf – do you?

  5. Burmashave says:

    Getting advice about the environment from the Russians is like getting advice about women from the Iranians. This would be the same country that runs a large Siberian pipeline that blows leaks every few years. They follow the “Ford Pinto” response in that the lost oil costs less than fixing the pipeline. Forget about cleaning it. I guess the problem there is that nuking a pipeline doesn’t work as well.

    But s’pose we did nuke it and then drill that site later on, does radioactive oil have more power than normal oil? Exxon Gasoline: Now with Atomic Power!

  6. Barack Obama (shiggz) says:

    I like where you are going with this… Also, I could accidently hit Fox news and blame it on the Tea Parties… Draw up some plans get some estimates all on my desk first thing in the morning.

  7. zzyzx says:

    Nuke the oil spill!? Are you insane!? We’re looking forward to at least twenty (maybe more if we’re lucky) years of costly law suits, counter suits, and litigation because of this spill. Your plan could mussel us out of what will be the greatest boon to our profession since the Exxon/Valdez spill. You better watch your ass or we’ll be suing you!….The American BAR Association, suing someone near you even as we speak.

  8. Son of Bob says:

    I’m not willing to dive to the floor of the ocean and try to cap the oil leak, and I’m an American. Therefore, aren’t we obligated to send Mexicans to do the work I won’t?

  9. Bantha_Fodder says:

    if we were to nuke the spill to “fix” the problem, wouldnt this open the door to allow all other drilling platform owning countries to “acquire” nukes as a safety precaution? I mean we dont want Iran or North Korea to have nasty oil spills, right?

  10. MarkoMancuso says:

    What does Charles Logan have to do with this?

  11. KTWO says:

    Lewis is right. Call it the Gulf Of Mexico. Historically it makes sense because the Spanish once held the entire perimeter of the gulf . They named it for Mexico which was roughly the term used by the Aztecs and their subjects.

    To the Spanish there were no political borders near the gulf – everything anywhere close was theirs.

  12. MarkoMancuso says:

    I think we should call it the Gulf of the United States Marine Corps. Just try and stop us. Or them, rather.

  13. MikeLL says:

    I don’t think Aquaman would approve of this plan.

  14. seanmahair says:

    Frank, Frank, Frank, you can’t trick O’vomit to make him look stupid. He has a Phd in Stupid. He doesn’t need help from some white guy in pj’s to look that way, he’d doing just fine all buy hisself.

  15. Nadzilla says:

    I’m all for nuking things, don’t get me wrong, but I think we should do a test nuking somewhere first, maybe a few of them…some above ground, some airburst, some a great depths on the sea floor, just to check out the concept first. Basic principle of precaution.

    Also, as they did the other day for the implosion of Texas Stadium, they have an auction, or a lottery, or caption contest, say, to pick the person who gets to push the button. Maybe we could get Ahmadinnerjacket to do one of them, but not for real…a dud..then laugh at him.

  16. Apostic says:

    Anywho, let’s go ahead and nuke the oil spill. We have plenty of nukes we’re not using, and what’s the worst that could happen? We kill a few dolphins, ocotopi, and Atlanteans?

    Worser case scenario: You’ve all seen B sciene fiction movies from the fifties/sixties, right? The kind where radiation embiggens things? So you know what’ll happen next.

  17. Darrencardinal says:

    I am amazed that Frank J did not suggest using Aquaman in some way.

  18. zzyzx says:

    That was funny Apostic.

  19. keppler says:

    No can do the nuke thing. Bambi say’s we will not nuke enemies and oil is the biggest enemy the leftards have, so no nuke. A really big cork should work nicely tho.

  20. EnemyoftheState says:

    Considering obama’s propensity for shifting the blame to someone else, and since it IS known as the Gulf of Mexico, I can just see obama and hillary sending a strongly worded protest to the UN about all that Mexican oil fouling our beaches.

  21. madison jones says:

    Brilliant…..Lets make a bigger mess to clean up the previous one! Yeah boys! That will work! This can’t be serious!

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