It’s an Extra Special Time to Point and Laugh at Kos

Every day is a great day to laugh at Kos and his wacky denizens, but it’s an extra special time right now. Kos has his book American Taliban coming out which is how conservatives Taliban because he really doesn’t like conservatives and he sorta doesn’t like the Taliban (though he can understand their anger at America and the Jews), and it’s a yawn inducing argument now even among the poo-throwers and eaters at Daily Kos.

But now it’s interesting. Because Kos is suing the polling firm he relied on for many of his book’s conclusions for just making data up. And they’re counter suing him for being a twerp or something.

So let’s all take some time out of our day to point and laugh at Kos… not for ourselves, but to help him learn to do better in the future.

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The K in Kerry Stands for Dumbass

I’m on John Kerry’s e-mail list for some reason, and I got an e-mail from him titled this yesterday:

“The R in Rand Stands for Radical”

And I was dumbstruck. I don’t get how a grown man would write that thinking it’s clever. It’s like what Data would come up with if you tasked him to make a clever statement belittling someone. It’s an imitation of being clever while completely missing the concept.

Basically, the statement is a failed attempt to say “Rand and Radical Both Start with an R” in a clever way, which wasn’t really a worthwhile observation to begin with. Now, if Rand Paul’s name were “Bob R. Paul” and Kerry said, “The R in Bob R. Paul Stand for Radical”, that would be clever… for a four year old. As it is, Kerry just completely missed the clever boat. Let me point out the obvious: The R doesn’t stand for anything because Rand’s name is not an acronym. It’s just the first letter of his name. Kerry’s statement makes only slightly more sense than “The N in Rand Stands for Not Someone You Should Elect”… except that is so overly awkward and wooden that it’s actually a little funny (much like John Kerry himself).

During 2004, John Kerry demonstrated he had trouble with relating with normal human beings, and he really shouldn’t try. His e-mail would have been just fine titled “Rand is a Radical”, but instead he attempted and failed at something humorous. And humor is about making an intellectual connection with your audience saying, “I think like you.” But if from Kerry’s humor you recognize he thinks like a moron, then his message is “You’re a drooling idiot like me and would think this is clever.” So his humor is actually insulting. And thus who would want to read his stupid e-mail after that?

This isn’t just my opinion. This is the opinion of a political humor expert… who is me. And some politician really shouldn’t play with humor without an expert watching.

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Frum Hell

John Hawkins wouldn’t let David Frum’s site, the Frum Forum, into the Conservative Blog Ads Hive because Frum is not a conservative, he’s a dingus (though I am in the Conservative Blog Ads Hive because of my awesomeness). This made Frum mad and he was all “I’m telling the truth and people can’t stand it, blah blah blah, clippity clop!” And then know who came out to defend Frum? Andrew Sullivan, Charles Johnson, and Media Matters’s David Brock. Wow, what super conservative friends you have, Frum.

Anyway, if Frum wants to say he’s a conservative, then fine — he’s a conservative. That’s opinion, really, and people can have their opinions. But they also have to note this about him which is not an opinion but an objective fact if you think Frum is a conservative: He’s a complete and utter moron.

How is that an objective fact? Well, let’s look at what Frum is trying to do. He says he wants to convince conservatives away from radicalism. So he needs a message tailored to conservatives. Instead though, all he is ever able to do is antagonize conservatives and the only people who like his message about how mean and awful the conservatives are are liberals. So are we supposed to believe Frum is a super smart member of conservatives with a message conservatives need to hear yet has no idea how conservatives think and thus is completely unable to communicate to them in a useful way?

There are either two possibilities: Frum isn’t trying to antagonize conservatives which means he’s doing it by accident because he’s a complete an utter moron with no idea how to talk to people. And if someone doesn’t understand people — doesn’t understand how conservatives behave — how worthwhile would his political viewpoints be and is there any point in listening to him?

The other possibility is Frum is purposely trying to antagonize conservative because he’s not a conservative. Instead, he’s a dingus. And is there any point in listening to a dingus?

So there are your two possibilities for Frum: Moron conservative who its pointless to listen or dingus who its pointless to listen to. Any other possibility doesn’t fit with the facts.

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Random Thoughts

I’m almost convinced daylight savings was invented out of a hatred of programmers.

Seems like a good day to point and laugh at Kos. In other words, a Tuesday.

I forget: What happened when someone called me on the phone during my favorite TV show before DVR?

Thinking about TV watching habits pre-DVR, I vaguely remember the phrase “Did I miss anything?”

Now I head to bed alone. I lost out to sparkly vampires.

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lolbama! Part 43

CRY FOR HELP: I’m desperately in need of captions for last week’s lolterizt pic:

that DON’T have a “rock, paper, scissors” theme. Put on your thinking glove and lend a hand, if you can.

Meanwhile, this week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Bassguy:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Larry:

From Larry:

[reference link (ok, this is a parody, but it gets the point across)]

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Hart of That Hero:

From Hart of That Hero:

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Stephen:

[reference link]

From Steve:

[reference link]

From Turtle’s Fun Club:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

Heads up: “I’m gonna kick BP’s ass”-type captions are going to be a dime a dozen, so if you’re going to try that angle, you’ll need to be extra creative.

#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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In the Mail

I got an advanced copy of friend of IMAO Mike Z. Williamson’s new book Do Unto Others which comes out in the beginning of August. It’s a sequel to his popular Better to Beg Forgiveness… which I really liked. I’ll try and get my opinion of it up before it’s out.

I am working on my own SF novel, BTW. Little past the halfway point on the 2nd draft, and when I get it done… well, I’m not really sure what’s next. I think fame and fortune.

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Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

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The Three Views of President Obama

I noticed there are three completely different ways I view President Obama.

When it’s issues of national security, or foreign countries attack him as a way of attacking our country and he stands up against them, I see him as our president.

When racial issues come up (like, are those countries only saying mean things about America because they don’t like our president being black?), I see him as our first black president.

And when he’s a complete and utter screw up — which unfortunately is most of the time — I see him as Obama.

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So does anyone understand what this G-20 stuff is? All I know is annually (I think annually) people get together and I have no idea what they talk about or accomplish there, but I know a bunch of hippies go crazy — like running around and randomly smashing stuff crazy. And they’re all too submoronic and incoherent to verbalize what they’re protesting — if any of them bother to try and put a reason behind it — so I still have no idea what’s going on (though probably still more of an idea than the protesters). Best I can tell, world leaders get together, drink cocktails, and chant the word, “G-20!” And “G-20” is this magic phrase which causes morons to go into a frenzy, and the world leaders watch the rampaging idiots and laugh and clap in amusement.

Anyone have a better explanation?

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Guns! Guns! Guns!

The Supreme Court ruled that we have an individual right to firearms, which is pretty “duh” to most people since that’s what the Constitution says. It’s just there’s a lot of liberals who read the Constitution like they’re Nicholas Cage looking for hidden messages in the document to lead them treasure. I don’t know how they get employment; it’s a failure of the system.

So do you think the national guard will have to be called down to Chicago to escort people into gun shops? Well, I guess gun owners don’t really need protection from the government, because, you know, they have guns. Still, there is more work to do elsewhere. Forty states now have right to carry laws, but there are a few hold outs left where liberals gather and scream, “No! Nasty, terrible freedom! Keep it away!” And they tell fairy tales about how if people get gun rights then everyone just starts randomly shooting each other — which apparently they believe is happening in the forty states that have embraced gun rights. On the issue of guns, many liberals are just completely immune to facts and reason, clinging to the idea the earth is flat no matter what facts you show them. And they’re also becoming increasingly irrelevant. Not even Obama can speak out on guns for fear of the backlash (in fact, he signed a bill allowing conceal and carry in national parks).

So, while America has faltered in many areas, guns are a clear win for conservatives. The issue is pretty much settled — both at the ballot box and in the courts — and the few scared of the light can only bitterly cling to their irrational fear and hatred for so much longer. And while a right to guns is recognized, the rest of the freedoms are a little bit safer.

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